Conversation with a taxi driver

I often meet interesting cab drivers when I travel around on taxis in Seattle (usually going home from a late night research work). They have interesting perspectives to share - How they got here or what they want to do in life, etc.

Today I had one such experience. The taxi driver was from Somalia.
He said that he was studying architecture at the Seattle University. He had purchased
the cab he was driving with his brother. The cab cost him about 300 grand. He told me that
he could repay the loan in 3 years using his earnings.

What fascinated me was the conversation that followed. I told him that it seemed like a great idea - You  have your own cab, you drive on your own terms and you also get to study the remaining time and also pay for the tuition. Why weren't his friends doing the same? He told me that they were afraid, they thought it was too risky to take a loan. They were comfortable with what they were doing. On the other hand, he wanted to go back to his country and create a positive impact. He wanted to rebuild his country. And that was why he was studying architecture. He encouraged his friends to do the same. They told him that he was acting older and more mature than his age and perhaps he should enjoy his life more. He told me that he was very passionate about his architecture course and I could sense that passion in the conversation.

His family repeatedly told him that he would never graduate from college. That was their belief.
No one in their near ancestry have been to college and so shall it be. Beliefs. How they affect how we behave and act in this world. How wonderful these beliefs can be and how crippling they can be too.
My taxi friend told me that in his case, his family's belief (or disbelief) in him only motivated him further - He would be very passionate and get a college degree and not just stop there - He was going to go home and rebuild his community.

How wonderful was his conviction that he would go back and affect a change. That's the kind of passion I like to see and hear in people. Do things passionately, let fear not cripple you.
Believe fiercely in yourself and your abilities and let not people's opinion cripple you, your dreams and ultimately your work in this world. As my taxi friend says, when you encounter fear, you face it - You look right into its eye and stand tall and you shall have taken a big step in life.

On Death

Death is a great leveller. Rich, poor, famous, average Joe - All kinds of people have to face one thing - Their own death.

My uncle, whom I greatly admired for his will power in getting things done and who I had a close relationship with, passed away recently.

I am sad about his death. He was in his 70's and he had helped a lot of my relatives with their personal problems including my own family. He was a man of great will power, was very organized in life and a stickler to his routine. He has helped and inspired a lot of people I know.

I understand that death happens to everyone. I believe in life after death. I believe that death is to the body and not to the soul. My belief in this has recently strengthened due to a few out of body experiences I have had. I believe my uncle has passed on to another realm, another place, another time. My prayers to him, that he be happy and joyful wherever he is.

Death of some one we know reminds us that we have finite time on earth.
Every moment is precious. Let us use every moment towards what we really wish to do in life. Towards our highest idea of what we think is a life worth living. Towards our greatest desires. Towards our greatest love. For there is not a minute to spare and we know not when death can come knocking.
If I were to live as if today was my last, I would have no regrets passing away tomorrow - I would have enjoyed my stay on earth and perhaps it was time for me to move on.

Let us therefore enjoy our stay on earth, devoting our efforts and time towards what we love doing in life whether that be research, music, hiking or one of the gazillion things one can do while on earth.

My 10 day vipassana meditation experience

I did the Vipassana meditation retreat between 16th july - 26th july. In short, it was a roller-coaster ride. The ride was ofcourse in the mind . It’s interesting to note that as we go about our daily lives, we look at external objects, people and issue out reactions or responses. But observing your own body, your own mind, can some useful information be gained, can a new perspective be gained, can you actually even go looking for the root cause of misery by looking within? These are some questions that have fascinated me and these 10 days were my time for focused observation of the body and mind to possibly answer these questions or atleast get some perspectives.

I have got a few insights and many experiences to reflect on(those I have reflected on, I have applied the lessons learnt with good benefits so far).

Talking to different people at the end of the retreat, I realized that everyones’ experience is different and unique. If you are interested, you can go ahead and read some details from my experience (it’s long!) .

The Setting

A beautiful field of wild yellow-green grass surrounded by tall trees, in the middle of which lies three buildings(meditation hall, men’s dorms and a dining cum women’s dorms). Located in Onalaska, it’s 2 hrs drive south of Seattle. I was surprised that three-quarters of the people at the retreat were below the age of 35. I then learnt the reason..It's summer!

Boredom

So my first impressions of the meditation routine was that it’s boring. I mean, think about it, 8-10 hrs of meditation everyday. And you are doing the same meditation for atleast 3 days before changing the technique. You get up at 4:30 am and you get to bed at 9:30 pm. There are many meditation sessions in between with some rest periods thrown in, but it's all meditation. You go back from the meditation hall to your residence, and people start walking slowly being aware of each step, oh yeah - The walking meditation. You are having your food, and you are totally focused on what you are eating - No paper in hand or laptop on the lap - So that's mindfulness meditation while eating. Ofcourse, we were to maintain complete silence for 10 days, so no getting distracted by talking to other meditators. So you see it's the ideal environment to meditate and also to get bored with meditation.

It’s like there is only one restaurant in town and you go there to order food:

“Excuse me sir, I would like to order some food”.

‘Sure, we got an ‘All you can eat’ buffet today, and as always, it’s free’.

“Oh wow, what’s on the menu?”

‘We got two delicious items – The group meditation and individual meditation. The group meditation has to be consumed within the premises, but you can ‘take out’ the individual one’.

“Oh ok”.

At the end of my first day, it was refreshing to have a different experience than boredom: As we came out of the meditation hall, we saw a mother deer with her two recently born kids jumping around merrily. It was an awesome sight, complementing the beauty of the place.

Sensations

The vipassana technique is all about observing sensations on your body ‘equanimously’.

The first 3 days, we observe the breath, which is the ana-pana-sati(incoming outgoing breath awareness) technique. We also narrowed down our focus to a triangular region around the nose to observe sensations. The idea is that there are always sensations on every part of the body, but we may not be aware of them because the mind hasn’t been trained to look for them. So, by observing a triangular region around the nose, I was able to observe two different sensations. One was an itching sensation and the other a tingling sensation. These sensations are impermanent, they arise and pass away.

So we get the idea that there are sensations (some perceptible, some subliminal – depending on the mind’s sharpness) all over the body and that these sensations arise and pass away.

Now, what’s observing sensations got to do with peace of mind?

The idea is that when we crave for something, let’s say chocolate, what we are actually craving for is the sensation that we get on the body when we have chocolate. And when one craves for chocolate and can’t have it for some reason, one can get upset or irritated. The idea is that one is upset because one craves for the sensation on the body that arises when you have chocolate.

Similarly, when one hates something, the idea is that one hates the sensation that happens on the body when that object comes into your view.

What if one remains calm or equanimous to these sensations on the body instead of craving for them or having an aversion for them? This idea of equanimity to sensations is the basis behind the Vipassana technique and that’s the core practice we do during the last 5 days of the course.

It’s amazing what sensations can be observed when the mind is trained to look for them.

Personally, I was able to observe tingling sensations all over my head and palms of my hands. And over the rest of the body, I was able to observe a few sensations here and there.

One important idea is that even pain can be viewed as a sensation. And if you can remain equanimous to pain, it can stop having that big of an effect of you. For example, when one has severe pain in the leg, the physical pain one feels is exacerbated by the mental reaction.. ‘Oh pain, oh severe pain. I don’t like this pain.. I want to get rid of it. What do I do?’. The mind in it’s reaction of aversion to this ‘sensation of pain’ increases the suffering one feels when one has this pain. On the other hand, the mind could have been equanimous..’Yes there is severe pain, let’s see how long it lasts. Let me not get affected by it’. This is an easy thing to say, but not easy to act, as I discovered.

The sitting

On day 5, we were introduced to this adhittana sitting or a sitting of strong determination. In this group sitting, you are not supposed to move even a single part of the body for an hour. Days 5 and 6 were pretty much a struggle for everyone. We would all get up limping and groaning. We had three such sittings every day since day 5. On day 5, I could manage two sittings without movement. On day 6, I thought I would be brave and not use any cushion and just sit on the floor. These guys provide you will all sorts of cushion of all sizes,firmness, and shape to make your meditation comfortable and I decided not to use it on that day! Why?? Because I figured that I am anyway going to observe sensations which include pain, how does it matter if the pain is shallow or deep, I am going to be observing it anyway. I managed two sittings with grit and determination, but the third sitting, it was difficult for me to even sit down, let alone not move. My legs were shot that day, and I was careful from day 7 to make myself comfortable with cushions. I figured, I could try out the no-cushions thing another day.

Moving beyond pain

On Day 9 of the course, we were sitting in one of those hour long group meditations where you are not supposed to move any part of the body and maintain your posture. It can seem like torture to an outsider, since the pain in the legs can get intense with 1 hr of sitting with no movement. But to a vipassana meditator, the pain is supposed to be just another sensation!

45 minutes into the 1 hr sitting, my calf muscles in my left leg were becoming more and more painful and I, as a good vipassanameditator was trying to observe the pain ‘objectively’. So I examined the pain… Where is it centered? It’s in the center of the calf muscle. Ok what kind of a pain is it.. It’s a mildly intense pain on the verge of becoming a severely intense pain. Alright, what’s it’s nature? It’s a pulsating/radiating pain that arises and passes away every second.

At this point I also had pains centered in my knees and my thighs. So it was an interesting experience for me in trying to characterize pain in one part of the body, when ‘other pains’ are calling for your attention.

So I surveyed the pain objectively and moved on to other parts of the body to examine sensations there. Suddenly, I felt a warm rush of vibrations in my left leg. I examined what was going and I found that the ‘gross calf pain’ that was intense had faded away to the background and was replaced by these pleasant ‘warm vibrations’ in my leg. This was my first experience of pain – a gross sensation dissolving into subtler sensations through objective equanimous observation of pain.

In Vipassana meditation, it’s a sign of progress to have gross sensations such as pain in the body to be replaced by subtler sensations such as tingling sensations, since that means two things: Your mind is getting sharper in being able to observe subtler sensations and that you have been able to develop equanimity to pain, which is not easy.

Implications

We usually think of pain as something unwanted, something to be gotten rid of. But when you change your perspective on pain and think of it as a sensation that could be observed without aversion, as something that can be observed objectively, waawaveeva, you can have this pain fading away.

I spoke to other meditators to see if they had similar experiences. One guy in his 50’s had sciatic pain in his back that was always present. But during the 10 day course, once he started observing the pain objectively, the pain would pass away and come back. Not having pain, even for a short period was a big relief for him.

Another guy had an amazing story. At the end of every 1 hr group sitting with no change of posture, we would all get up limping and groaning. But this guy would get up and just walk away with big strides and a smile as if he was going for his regular morning walk. When we asked him about it, he said that he felt no pain whatsoever and that he was only experiencing a lot of energetic sensations all over the body. This was his 4^th time to the course and on the previous three retreats he wasn’t able to go beyond the pain.

Recurrence of past health symptoms

I had this happen during the vipassana retreat. I had some OCD symptoms and panic attack symptoms come up from the past and I understood that they were coming up for clearing. I just had to be detached to these symptoms and they would pass away. They ofcourse did pass away. But it's interesting how the OCD symptoms just showed up during the meditation when I was done with it years back. I spoke to another guy, he had had Asthma in the past and a similar thing happened to him.

He had asthma symptoms come up on one of the days. His usual thing to do, was to force himself to breath deeper when these attacks began. But since this happened on day 6 or 7, he thought it might be worth a try to just be "ok" with the shortness-of-breath symptom that was a precursor to the Asthma attack. And amazingly, the symptoms passed away after a few minutes and he wasn't doing anything, just observing it as another sensation.

Connecting the dots…

1) Mindfulness meditation vs Vipassana meditation

I started meditating regularly in July, last year. I do the mindfulness meditation, which is basically being aware of and being equanimous to whatever phenomenon is going around you at that time. For example, I often hear buses passing by, someone opening the door, and ofcourse the thoughts whizzing by in the mind. By just being aware and being equanimous, it happens that the thoughts tend to settle down after sometime and you feel more peaceful.

In Vipassana, ‘awareness’ and ‘equanimity’ are again the two big principles, but there is also ‘focus’.In Vipassana, one is focusing the mind to observe subtler sensations all over the body and at the same time being equanimous to them . There is also an order of moving from head to toe or toe to head.

In contrast, the mindfulness doesn’t involve focusing, you are just aware of whatever is going on inside and outside of you.

2) Shavasana (Corpse posture) vs Vipassana meditation

In yoga, there is a posture called Shavasana, where one lies like a corpse on the ground, fully relaxing the body. Usually, one starts at the head and mentally relaxes each part of the body all the way down to the toes. There is some resemblance of Shavasana toVipassana in that even in Vipassana one goes from head to toes, but in Vipassana one is not trying to relax, one is trying to be focused on observing sensations on all parts of the body from head to toe equanimously.

3) Vipassana meditation vs a generic meditation technique

In a generic meditation technique, you have an object for meditation. If the object is a mantra, that is repeated through the meditation, it’s called a mantra meditation technique.If the object is the breath, it’s the ana-pana meditation technique. If the object is some dynamic guided imagery, it’s called guided imagery meditation. The idea is that all of these object-based meditation techniques are focused on the mind and have something to do with thoughts.Vipassana on the other hand is totally focused on the sensations on the body, though the mind can play the role of distracting the meditator from doing that. So it's like this, if there are a lot of dramas going in your life, observing the sensations are going to be difficult when you do the vipassana, since your mind is going to be playing out those dramas/scenarios in the mind. But it's the same thing with a mantra-based meditation, you are not going to be able to focus on the mantra. It's mostly the case that when you begin any form of meditation, you are just not able to calm the mind. That's alright, because when you begin to meditate, you realize that the mind has a mind of it's own. That's a good place to begin and slowly with time, the mind will start behaving well and inner peace that always existed but was clouded by all the dramas of the mind, will start showing up more frequently during meditation and will begin extending to even the periods of the day when one is busy.

I hope you have enjoyed reading my experience. For me though, there were times when I thought of quitting the course, but thankfully they were few. Most of the time, I could perceive the benefits, short-term and long-term of practicing this technique. I am thinking of alternating between mindfulness and vipassana meditation for now. Let's see how it goes.

Favorite fruits

Lately, I have been trying out new fruits. Some of my favorite ones:

From India:

Guava, Orange, Grapes,Dates, Supota (Chikku fruit),mangoes,palmyra fruit(munjal in telugu and nongu in Tamil) and Water melon.

Tried In US:

Blueberries, Figs, Avocados, pears, plums, and green apples.

I can't really pick one favorite, all of these are my favorites. Each has a unique taste and texture that I relish.

The really juicy ones:

Plums,mangoes, water melon, and palymra fruit. The palmyra fruit when tender contains a lot of sweet nectar and is very cool, sweet, and refreshing during the summer.

Mangoes in India ofcourse have a lot of varieties, some of them very juicy, some of them not so juicy, but when spiced up are really tasty.

I usually have the Mango nectar juice purchased from Trader joes. It's really cool.

The really sweet ones:

Chikku comes up big on this one. I really like a ripe Chikku, and Chikku juice was my favorite fruit juice drink during my undergrad.

Palymra fruit and dates are also pretty sweet.

Spicing it up

Have you ever tried cutting up a green apple into small pieces and seasoning it with salt and pepper. The sweet, bitter, salty, and peppery flavor is awesome.

I tried this out at the 10 day vipassana meditation retreat during tea time.

Observing the thought cycle

So lately I have been observing the thought cycle. I meditate during the nights and in the morning.

Do some breathing exercises (pranayama) and then just observe the thoughts or observe the screen in front of my forehead (inner space).

During the rest of the day, I usually use a mantra.

Mantra is pretty useful. Here are a few benefits I have observed:

1) The primary role of mantra that I have observed is that it acts as a reference thought to observe other thoughts that go in your mind. For example, if your mantra is peace. You would repeat it silently in your mind often, so that whenever a negative thought or a thought of lower vibration comes up in your mind, your mantra acts as a contrast to that negative thought and you immediately switch your focus back to the mantra. Negative thoughts could be fears, worries, anxieties, resentment, past hurts, regrets, revenge,etc,etc.

If you don't have a reference thought or a mantra, you can get caught up in these negative thoughts without realizing that you have been caught up. These negative thoughts are like a trap.. They trap you into thinking that it is important to think about them or else... (fear based thoughts). So you think about them, till you get tired or have some thing important to do. Then you get back to your fears and worries. Many a times, these fears and worries come out as a habit of the mind.

2) A mantra makes you realize that with less negative thoughts in your mind, peace comes to the surface naturally. It's like, oh, so my fears and worries were keeping me away from happiness and peace. Why the heck do I have these worries and other negative thoughts anyway?

So, a mantra brings you back to that awareness of the insignificance of these thoughts.

The worries and fears might loom large, they might call on to you. They might say, 'Oh, hey you, you must focus on me. This is important. You must find a solution to this. Or else...(some negative outcome)'. A mantra then brings you back to the present moment and makes these worries and fears insignificant.

3) A mantra makes you aware of how much time you spend thinking negative thoughts, even sometimes without being aware that you are. It becomes so unconscious. You see a person you don't like, and immediately there are some negative thoughts that go through your mind.

Something didn't happen as you expected, and you mull over it, you bring in your worries and fears to that situation. Many of these negative thought patterns are subconsious and automatic, it's like we have programmed ourselves to think negatively when there are certain external triggers. Mantra helps in releasing these reactionary patterns and brings you back to present.

Some people think that when you chant a mantra such as 'Om namah shivaya', you would be trying to please Lord Shiva into give you want you want. That is not why you would chant that mantra. Shiva represents the qualities of detachment, stillness, and peace that are already within you. If you really want something from Shiva, focus on these qualities that Shiva represents that are already within you when you chant the mantra.. Feel that peace, feel that clarity and stillness when you stop paying attention to negative thoughts by chanting the mantra in your mind.

Letting go of worries and fears completely or not?!

So this is where the cycle begins. Ok, so you have this mantra going in your head to make you more aware of what's actually going on in your head! And, now what? What if there is a fear or worry that crops up due to something that just happened? It seems so urgent, this fear or worry, it seems so important. Can I focus on it just a little bit... a teeny-weeny bit?

May be I can. Ok, so mantra on hold! Let's focus for one minute. Is this fear real? Can it actually happen? Oh may be it can. Oh shit, I better do something about it! And at this moment, we have again begun the process of perpetuating the cycle of negative thoughts in the mind.

A few hours later, you are like, 'oh my god', I have gotten completely off-track. I have been mulling on my fears and worries, and have been distracted from my work! Let's get back to mantra. For the rest of today, I am going to make sure that my mind is on the mantra, nowhere else. The next day, you see someone you haven't seen in a while, again the mind presses you to focus on the negativity through a memory related to that- regrets, hurts, revenge! It's important the mind says, I must take revenge for what this person did to me! The ego also begins to press you, since it's getting a lift. Oh yeah, I am getting my revenge!

Another cycle has begun, you have gotten off the mantra and onto this 'revenge thing' and then an hour later you realize, oh I am off-track.

So the question is, can you just totally cut through this cycle of mantra to negativity to mantra and just have the mantra all through bringing you peace? We don't allow ourselves this priviledge, because of the subconsious reactions to sensory inputs. It takes a while, quite a while before the cycles begin to shorten, i.e. you begin to realize that you are in the negativity trap quicker than before and then switch to the mantra. So that's where I am aiming at.

I have been thinking to myself, I just want to let go of my fears,worries, and other negative baggage completely and just have the mantra on or just have peaceful thoughts on. Am I willing to do that? What will stop me from doing that? The answer is my fears!!! Plain and simple.

I do want to let go of my fears completely. This is where I am headed. It's going to happen: Maybe today, maybe a month later, but definitely soon.

My deepest desire

Is to have constant inner peace. It's a definite possibility that I am moving towards.

Having inner peace doesn't mean you are sitting idle. It doesn't mean you are not focused or can't be focused at the same time.

Inner peace is a place of clarity. It is a place of wonderful well-being. It is a place of joy, an inner joy that gets expressed through ones actions, ones words. Inner peace is a state of being as comfy as home, as inviting as a bathtub, as clear as the blue sky.

Inner peace supports everything, it is a pillar of inner strength that can withstand any storm with calm. Inner peace is the eye of every storm.

Having inner peace means that you have cut out worries and fears from your life, it means that whatever you do, you do it with total focus and thus you become very productive at work with that state of inner peace. Inner peace knows no stress. Having constant inner peace doesn't mean, you have become a monk, although that is a great thing to aspire for. Having inner peace means that you are comfortable with yourself, with people around you, with the situation you find yourself in. Inner peace is knowing that things are perfect as they are. Inner peace is moving easily through life.

Inner peace to me is what I have been searching for all my life, without sometimes realizing it.

Meditation,prayer,contemplation,books,and blogging are my means to get closer and closer to a state of constant inner peace.

Inner peace is my deepest desire, everything else is a bonus.

To worry or not to worry: That is the question!

'To be or not to be: That is the question', is a oft-quoted one from Shakespeare's Hamlet.
'Being' is a state. You can be happy, sad, fearful, joyful, high, low, peaceful, or in a state of 'worry'.
Let's look at worry.

If you say, you are fearless and yet worry, you do not understand worry completely.
When you worry about something, when you worry for example, on whether your relationship is headed in the right direction or not, or whether your career is unfolding as you expect it to: The basis for these worries is fear. You fear the consequence of the relationship not turning out well. You fear the consequence of your career not turning out as expected.
There is a distinction between being cautious and planning ahead vs worrying about it. Worrying is a repetitive state of mind, where one plays out 'what-if' scenarios in one's head repeatedly. It is a state that begets more of itself. That is to say, the more you worry, the more you can worry!

The understanding that stems out of examining worry is that, it serves no purpose, at all! It could probably keep you stressed, it could probably keep you tense, it could probably make your heart beat fast, and it could also affect your health adversely.
But positive affects of worrying? None, whatsoever. (Let me know if there is one!)

All this is easy to understand, but to say, 'Ok I am going to stop worrying. I will plan ahead, but I will not worry' - That might not work out. Why, you ask? It's because the mind does the worrying and you are asking the 'mind' to stop worrying. You are talking about calming down the mind!
Who said that's an easy job?
When a 'direct' approach to stop worrying doesn't work, one can turn to 'indirect' approaches. Some of them are:
a) Having positive thoughts about whatever you are worrying about. Example: It's all going to work out well, It's all going to be good, etc.
b) Distracting your mind from the worry through focusing on something else. For example, focusing on your work..Putting all attention to it. Or, taking a break and doing a favorite activity, etc.
c) Understanding the mind-body connect: Relaxing the body, calms down the mind and calming down the mind, relaxes the body and applying it by using a relaxation technique to relax the body and thus calm down the mind.
d) Meditation - Active or passive.

What do a),b),c) and d) have in common? They are all centering tools.. They center your awareness to the present moment, which is free of all worries, fears, regrets, hurts, etc: All the things that keep you from being happy. So the idea is simple: Be in the present moment(i.e. your mind focused on the present), whatever activity you maybe engaged in and that's the key to happiness.
Sound's simple? But the implementation is the tough part. As with anything, the implementation is made easier through practice.
For me, this is a totally sound basis for using these centering tools. The last centering tool, meditation is as varied as you can imagine. In meditation, centering can achieved by focusing on one's breath, which is ever present, or focusing on an object of one's choice, outside of oneself or within one's own imagination. Meditation can also be of a passive kind, where you can act as an observer to whatever's happening at the present moment. You can also be an observer to your own thoughts! 'I am observing my own thoughts!' - Isn't that funny?
The next question is, if you are observing your thoughts, who is thinking them? :)

Hiking and Meditation

How are these two related?
I remember the first hike I had once my spring quarter ended in 2008. I was going through a rough patch in life and I hadn't hiked in a while. Going on in my mind was a lot of worries and fears.. What if? Will that happen? Oh my god, where is my Phd headed? You know, I was a good 'worrier'.

When I went hiking on that spring afternoon, I remember thinking, what the heck? So many thoughts rushing through my head and all of them are my fears and worries. All through my hike to the top of tiger mountain and back, I had these thoughts rushing through.. I was helpless, I was a mere observer. I wasn't engaging them, I wasn't doing anything, it was just happening.. I was a mere observer. Atleast I tried to be, but I was also worrying about these worrisome thoughts in my mind!! The next day, I went hiking again to a different place, and felt a little better. The next day, I went hiking to Wallace falls state park, it was raining all through, it was pouring, but I enjoyed the hike.

The connection between hiking and meditation is this: In the meditation I do, I just observe whatever thoughts are going on in my mind, passively, without engaging them.. This is also known as mindfulness meditation.
During my first hike, these thoughts were rushing through.. Being in nature, being in solitude, puts you in touch with your unwanted worries and fears.. That's why some people fear being alone.. They don't want to face their thoughts. Hiking in nature is like a soothing caress.
If there is excess baggage that you are carrying around in your mind, nature brings it out, so that you feel better at the end.. That's what happened to me during that hike.
This happened to my friend too.. He came hiking with me and he just couldn't stop talking.
I asked him to enjoy the hike but he said that if he stopped talking, he had to listen to all the chatter in his mind!! So he did the next best thing, listen to music on his mp3 player.

I remember another ocassion, I was very worried about something. I had to take a break and go for a walk. There was a trail near Udub I hadnt explored. I went in that direction, found that trail and that trail went to the edge of the lake union, beautiful place that is. In the beginning I was continuing my worrisome state, what if? Oh what should I be doing, etc. But as I entered the trail, my thoughts slowed down. I had a distinct recognition that I was more peaceful now than before.. I started enjoying the scenery around, I came back refreshed. Nature is a wonderful, nurturing place to be in.

Combining hiking and meditation. Since there is a definite parallel between hiking and meditation, why not combine them? Thats what I have been doing on my recent hikes.
Stop, and smell the flowers. Admire the tall tree. Be amazed by the different shades of green all around. Sit in a quiet spot on the trail, and just enjoy the silence. Enjoy and be grateful for the fact that you are in a wonderful place, right here, right now. Hiking, I love it.

It's been a year... Part I

Since I began meditating. Lot of changes have happened within me. What I mean by that is, there have been changes in my attitude towards life, the way I respond in any given situation, the way I compose myself, etc. Meditation helps you identify patterns that you indulge in unconsciously or subconsciously. It's been 3 incredible years I have had in Seattle....This post will also double up as a flash back of relevant periods of my life!

Fight or flight
I read recently in the book, 'Surprised by Grace', by Amber Terrell on how we indulge in the 'fight or flight' pattern. What this means is, given any situation, if the situation is perceived to be unfavorable by some yardstick that is unique to every individual, then there is a tendency to either fight the situation or run away from the situation.
What else could you do, you ask? Well, you could become 'comfortable' with the uncomfortablness!
Really, that's what meditation has put me in touch with: becoming comfortable with the 'uncomfortable', the 'unacceptable', the 'oh no - not again', the 'never agains', etc.

OCD and Meditation
Infact, I suffered from a chemical imbalance 9 years back and the disease was called, 'Obsessive Compulsive disorder' (OCD), although this wasn't the repetitive action thing.. It was a repetitive thought thing. In the common form of OCD, people tend to repeat actions, like washing hands 20 times to make sure it's clean or checking if the door is closed 10 times before leaving the house etc. In the OCD I had, I would get repetitive thoughts of a particular kind. These thoughts I absolutely detested and wanted them out of my mind.. But they would come anyway uninvited and not once a day, or once an hour, they would remind me of their presence every minute.
Sleep was my only respite from these thoughts. I constantly prayed to god at that time.. please relieve me of these thoughts that trouble me, please help me become comfortable with myself.
You see, it was all about becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable, the unacceptable.
In 2003, my 2nd year of my undergrad program, I attended a 3 day workshop by Swami Sukhbodhanada, where I learnt a few meditation techniques (Read about that here). Until then I had been on medication: I was using a drug called fludac and it was supposed to calm the mind. But in hindsight, I think the drug wouldn't have done me a whole lot of good if I had continued with it. I stopped using this drug after I learnt the meditation.
Infact, when I did the observation meditation, I attempted at becoming comfortable with the unacceptable, detestable thought. That was the beginning of my recovery from this dis-ease.
I practiced that meditation for sometime, and then I discontinued it once I took up running, another excellent way to get in touch with your self and come out of depression... (I had small bouts of depression too during that period). I also practiced a relaxation technique called Shavasana every day, which was very effective in keeping my body relaxed.
From then on, my life took a change. Really, sometimes I just couldn't bear the thoughts I had, it was because I had a strong hatred for those thoughts from my childhood. Sometimes I thought, I would go insane. But it didn't happen, infact now I see the dis-ease as my training ground.
Through the OCD experience, I learnt how strong I am, mentally strong that is and I also learnt that constant hatred can set you up for an experience like I had, where you learn to be at peace with anything and everything, no matter how unacceptable it may be.
It' s not that you favor the unacceptable, it's just that you don't pay attention to it. And you do that by first making peace with it, and second, by letting it go.

Coming back..
That was a brief flashback! Yes, well, OCD was my first ginormous life-challenge that I overcame successfully. My second set of life-changing experiences began when I landed in Seattle to pursue my Phd program. More on this Part II of this post..!

Meditation, I find is fundamental to my life.. It's the reason, I overcame the OCD, it's what has kept me stable during periods of instability(see part II of this post). My gratitude abound for meditation being a part of my life today.

Heaven and Hell: Do they exist?

What do you think? Or rather, what do you believe in?

I believe you can and do have heaven and hell right here on earth: Heaven and hell are states of mind. Not some real places in the far beyond.

Hell
Hell is when you mull over your past and worry about the future incessantly.
Hell is when you beat yourself up for not living up to your goals or expectations.
Hell is when you think that there is a God out there judging each and every action of yours.
Hell is when you think that the concept of sin is real
Hell is when you do something so as to not hurt others but that in turn hurts you.
Hell is when you try to be in every one's good books.
Hell is when you turn to fear instead of love.
Hell is when you think you are only capable of so much - Hell is when you limit yourself, or have limiting beliefs such as 'I am no good' or 'I knew I would fail doing this'.
Hell is when you can't understand why the so-called bad things happen to people.
Hell is when you always see the negative aspects of every situation that you come across in your life.
Hell is when you fear death.
Hell is when you don't recognize the divine within you.

Heaven
Heaven is when you know that there is no reason to fear... ever. Not even death (Look up NDE).
Heaven is when you know that, 'What you believe, you become'
Heaven is when you know that there is no limit to what you are capable of.
Heaven is when you know that your 'thoughts, beliefs, actions' create or determine your reality or how you perceive it, and that the very knowing of this can empower you.
Heaven is when you know that 'Situations, people's behaviors, incidents are perfect as they are and that all you have to do is accept the gift that they bring to you.
Heaven is when you know that you are fundamentally divine. (String theory says that the fundamental essence of matter is energy).
Heaven is when you know that you are here on earth to grow spiritually through experiences.. good and bad.
Heaven is when you know that experiences, especially the bad ones, bring you the greatest life lessons and accelerate your spiritual growth.
Heaven is when you know that life is just a game, and that we are all God essence, pretending to be humans.
Heaven is when you know that nothing, really nothing, that happens on earth has even the slightest impact on who you really are: A god-being.

On Death

Wondeful article on death here.
I am copying the above article below ;)

Summary of the article
1) Death is a transition as is birth. Life is a momentary experience that the soul wishes to have to expand it's perspective and learn lessons. The soul existed before birth and exists after death.
2) There is no reason to fear death. Death is a joyful experience and not a painful one as thought by the masses.
3) You exist.. Forever. During birth, you take on a body, the physical body.
During death, you shed the same body. But shedding one's clothes doesn't have anything to do with shedding one's identity does it? Same is the case with shedding your body. Your identity remains the same after death, albeit the body that limits you is given up. You can think and feel in the same way you did on earth, except that you have more freedom now to explore.
4) Your loved ones are just a heart beat away from you. We are all one, so we are all connected even after death and beyond.


The Article

Dear friends, beloved angels of light, I greet you all. It is from the heart of the Christ energy that I, Jeshua, reach out my hand and extend my greeting to you.

Beloved angel, know that you are cherished. Know that you are loved unconditionally, even now while you reside in a body of flesh and blood, a mortal body. Even while living within the boundaries of this temporary home, you are still unconditionally part of God, the Home for which you long so much. You have never truly left Home, yet you do not recognize the eternal flame which remains alight forever within your being. Get in touch with that light in this moment, cherish yourself, know who you are. A light burns within you, so beautiful and pure. How come you ever doubted this?

Today we speak about dying. Much fear exists concerning death. Fear of annihilation, fear of oblivion, fear of being swallowed up by the big black hole associated with death. As so often the case in the earthly dimension, you tend to turn things topsy-turvy and present them exactly opposite to the way they actually are. In reality, death is liberation, a homecoming, a remembrance of who you really are.

When death comes, you effortlessly return to your natural state of being. Your consciousness blends with the flame of light which is your true identity. Earthly burdens are lifted from your shoulders. Residing within a physical body imposes limitations on you. It is true that you chose to dive into this state of limitation because of the possibility for experience it had to offer. Nevertheless it’s a sensation of bliss to be restored to your natural angelic state. The angel inside you loves to fly and be free, to freely investigate the myriad of worlds which constitute the universe. There is so much to explore and to experience. Once you are born into an earthly body, you more or less lose touch with this angelic freedom and sense of being without limits.

Please join me now, as we go back to the moment just before the dive into your present incarnation. On an inner level you permitted yourself to commence this earthly life. It was a conscious choice. Perhaps you have forgotten about this, and you occasionally feel doubtful about whether you really want to be here. Yet there has been a moment in which you said “yes”. This was a courageous choice. It is an act of great bravery to temporarily trade your angelic freedom and sense of non-limitation for the adventure of becoming human, of becoming mortal. That adventure holds a promise that makes it all worthwhile. Feel the “yes!” that once rose from your soul. Remember also being drawn to earth. Feel how you connected to earth reality, and feel the moment you descended into the embryo within your mother’s womb. You may notice there is heaviness surrounding planet earth, a certain greyness or thickness.

There is much suffering on earth. Pain, loss, fear, negative thoughts are part of earth’s collective atmosphere. And that is what you, as a freshly incarnating soul, passed through. Your light found itself a way through this darkness and in doing so an unavoidable veil of ignorance fell over your original angelic awareness. Feel the sadness of that event, and behind it, your courage and bravery. You were determined: “I am going to do it. Once more, I am going to root myself into this earth reality, in order to find my own light, in order to recognize it, to rediscover it, and to pass it on to this world which is so in need of it.”

Yes, it has been a leap into ignorance. Temporarily forgetting who you are, not remembering your unbound state of being is part of being human. You forget that you are safe and free, no matter where you are. Being human, you set out to reclaim that natural sense of freedom and safety. In your quest, you can become ensnared by powers that seem to offer you what you are looking for, but in fact are making you dependent on something outside of you. You may lean upon judgments coming from outside yourself, telling you how to behave in order to be loved. These false images of Home, these substitutes, tend to sadden and depress you. Indeed, the journey down from heaven to earth has been a tough one. Death, however, transports you back to the plane of eternal love and safety. It is in dying that you surrender to who you have always been. If you die consciously, if you can accept death and surrender to it, dying becomes a joyous event.

What happens when you die? Before you die, you pass through a stage of parting and letting go. It is a phase wherein you say farewell to earthly life, to your loved ones. This can be difficult, yet at the same time it offers you the possibility to reflect deeply upon who you are, and what you have learned and accomplished on earth during your lifetime. In the grief you may sense in letting go of your loved ones, it becomes ever so clear what connects you to them. It is a bond of love which is immortal. This bond is so powerful that it effortlessly passes across the boundary that is death. Love is an inexhaustible source, forever giving rise to new life. Do not fear to lose your loved ones, for it is in the moment of saying goodbye that the bonds of unconditional love are reinforced and given new life. For it is certain: when you part in love, you will meet again. You will find one another again, effortlessly, because the shortest way to another always remains the way of the heart.

If you have loved ones who passed over, you can be sure that they are near to you at the level of the heart. Feel their presence, for they are here among us, extending their greeting to you. They feel privileged and free. They are free from the doubt which plagues so many on earth and they yearn to share with you the love and kindness which is available to you at all times.

Those who remain behind often associate the phase prior to their loved one’s dying with feelings of sadness and loss. It is natural to grieve the departure of a loved one; it is natural to miss and yearn for the loved one’s physical presence. However, we encourage you to try and feel that with their departure a gate toward a new dimension is opened, a dimension where communication is of a nature so pure, clear and direct that it rises above the methods for communication commonly used on earth. You can have direct communication with a loved one after they die, from your heart to their heart. This way, misconceptions which used to stand between you can easily be cleared, once you honestly and openly communicate with the other. Your message will be received, always.

Once you yourself have died, you will view people who are living on earth from a different perspective. You will be more tolerant, mild and you will find yourself with an increased sense of wisdom. You will not be completely balanced all at once, because there are emotions and feelings that you take with you and which need to be dealt with. You will not be perfect or omniscient once you let go of physical life. And that’s not so bad really, for there is still so much to experience and discover on this side! Yet, in most of you there is a new perspective. The dimension of eternity is tangible and this respectfully mitigates your view of what occupied you and the people directly around you during your stay on earth.

Now, what happens to YOU once you pass the boundary of death? Once you have gone through the mourning stage, the stage of saying farewell, you will feel start to feel death drawing closer. The focus of your consciousness now changes. Letting go of the outside world, the people, your body, it will now turn within and move deeper inside of you. Your awareness of the outside world diminishes and this allows you to prepare for the inner journey you are about to embark on. If you consciously accept death, you will experience a “getting ready”, a readiness to truly let go. For your loved ones, this is the moment to let you go, for you need all your strength to turn within and prepare yourself.

Dying need not be a painful process. What actually takes place is of a grand and majestic nature. Dying is a holy event wherein the soul connects with itself in a most intimate manner. During the final stage, the dying person senses the earthly dimension in a detached way: the body, the scents, colours, and other physical sensations. Another dimension is entering their awareness, with a radiance so promising and inviting, that it is not so hard anymore to surrender and leave all things earthly behind. Even the presence of your loved ones will not stop you from going now. The energy of Home - God, heaven or whatever you want to call it - is so overwhelmingly kind, warm and reassuring that it become easy to let go and return your tired and worn-out body to earth.

Once you let go in peace, your soul will rise up from your body gently and fluidly. You will feel supported by universal forces of wisdom and love. If you die without resistance, your immediate surroundings will be filled with warm and loving energy. You will experience an unspeakable sense of relief. You are free, and everything becomes clear. You remember the omnipresence of Love, not as an abstract idea but as a palpable reality. While on earth, you called this kind of love “God”, and you kept a biased, human image of what this God “wanted from you”. You were convinced that there were certain demands made by this God, demands to which you usually did not comply. But here in this dimension, you recall what God’s will truly is: to ensoul you, to inspire you, to experience creation through you and to finally recognize Itself in your countenance. God wanted to become human through you. The goal of the universe’s evolution is YOU: God become human!

God is the source of creation, and you are its fulfilment. You, who have given the light of God human form, are never judged for being human. Instead you are honoured. The idea of a vengeful God is yet another perversion, a reversal of truth instigated by fear. God recognizes Itself in you, regardless of what you do or don’t do. When you are back on this side, you become aware of this again, and a truckload of self-judgment and feelings of inferiority will slide off your shoulders. You will feel the original joy of living again, safe in God’s hand.

Soon after your arrival here, you will perceive light beings around you. There will be guides to assist you and people you knew who passed over before you. Sometimes it will surprise you who you will run into over there: people whom you met only briefly, but who touched your heart deeply, may be there alongside lifelong friends and relatives. Anyone you had a connection with based in love, will come to greet you at some point. Once again, it becomes so clear to you that saying farewell is but an illusion, that the heart-connection is eternal. You will experience a sense of thankfulness and of awe, as you enter this plane of unconditional love and wisdom.

After you arrive on this side, there is a phase of adjustment, in which you get used to your new environment and slowly release your attachment to earth life. You will need to acclimatize. There will be guides to support you who are specialized in this. You will still have a body yet it will feel more fluid than the physical body you were used to. Most likely it will take on the appearance of your most recent physical body. Although there is freedom to take on any appearance that you desire, most people appreciate some continuity for a while. You are also free to create your own living conditions, for instance a beautiful house with a lovely garden, in a natural environment you were fond of while on earth. It is quite all right to live out your earthly fantasies on this plane, which I refer to as the astral plane. This is a dimension or realm of being which allows for much creative freedom, although it still resembles and is closely connected to the dimension of physical earth.

Some people have had difficulty accepting death on earth and their transition to the other side may have been less peaceful. They usually need more time to adapt to their new life circumstances. Sometimes it takes a while before they truly realize that they have passed on. Some people have suffered a long-term illness, and find it hard to shake the idea of being ill. They cannot fully believe they are healthy again, and it often takes the patient and gentle support of a spiritual guide to help them release their old body. The old body can stick to the soul, purely as a concept, as a thought-form. The same goes for emotional habits and patterns of behaviour. They can repeat themselves on the astral plane until the soul discovers its freedom, its power to let go and open up to something new.

Another possibility is that a soul remains attached to the earth realm, to loved ones in particular, because they died suddenly or very young. This can happen in the case of accidents, disasters, or when the person was in the prime of life. These are situations in which a particular soul did not feel ready or prepared to make the departure. Dying in those cases is more or less traumatic. There is loving support on this side for these traumatized souls, as there always is. Sooner or later the soul will reach a state of acceptance and understanding of the situation. There is always a viable reason for what seems to be a premature departure from the earth plane. Dying is never a coincidence.

As your stay on the other side extends, your spirit expands into wider and deeper levels of awareness. More and more will you let go of the ways of thinking and feeling you were used to on earth. Essentially, you gradually go back to the core of who you are, your soul, the divine spark within. The more you enter – or return - to that state of consciousness, the more you detach yourself from your earthly personality and the dimension of earth. You will sense a flow of being which reaches beyond that aspect of you. You will get in touch with other lifetimes you spent on earth, incarnations wherein you embodied other aspects of your soul. You become aware of the boundless space that is your soul and the many experiences you have gathered on your journey through the universe.

When people on earth connect to you now, they will sense a person who has gained in wisdom and spiritual love. In fact, as you are moving closer the core of your soul, you are leaving the astral plane and entering what I call the essential plane, the realm of Essence. Most people stay on the astral plane for quite a while after they have died. They look back on their life on earth and reflect on all the experiences they have gone through. In the astral realm, you can experience both joy and depression, both positive and negative emotions. Your surroundings mirror your inner psychological reality. The emotions you have to come to terms with, take on the form of colours, landscapes and encounters. You often visit the astral realm in your dreams, so you are familiar with this field of awareness. In your esoteric literature, when they speak of many layers or spheres in the afterlife, ranging from dark to light, it is the astral plane that is referred to.

On the astral plane, you get a chance to sort out the emotional luggage you’ve brought along from your recent life on earth. In this you are assisted by several loving guides. At some point, you will let go of all your attachments and emotional pain, and you’re ready to move beyond the astral plane altogether. That’s when you pass on to the plane of essence. When this happens, it is like a second death. You leave behind anything that does not truly belong to you and allow yourself to merge with the greater You, your divine core. The moment you pass on to the essential plane, you will be aware of the immense power that moves you. You will experience your oneness with God.

The plane of essence, the plane of the eternal You, is the seat of the divine consciousness from which all creation originates. I ask you to take a moment to connect to this plane, here and now. It is not far away. It permeates everything, both the astral plane and the earth plane; it permeates the entire cosmos. The presence you sense here is the presence of God, pure and untainted. It may be sensed as a deep silence, completely peaceful yet brimming with life and creativity. From this source springs all of creation and to this source it shall return.

When you reach the essential plane in afterlife, you will be able to make conscious choices regarding your future destination. On this plane you may arrange, with the help of teachers and guides, another incarnation on earth, or plan a different journey, dependent on your goals. You can clearly hear the voice of your soul on the essential plane. It is from this plane that you once said “yes” to the life in which you now find yourself.

Take a moment to remember what it felt like to be on this plane. The more you become aware of this dimension during your life on earth, the easier it will be to die peacefully and, after your death, to move beyond the astral plane into the plane of essence.

Death is nothing more than a transition, one of the many transitions you go through in life. Birth is a transition. Life on earth knows so many moments of transition, of passing through and letting go. Just think of it. The body you now reside in has at one time been very small, a vulnerable little baby. And yet your soul, the divine essence inside you, was already working through you when you were that vulnerable little baby. When you reached maturity, many of you got swallowed up by the demands which life on earth made on you, and you were confronted by fears and doubts. The awareness of your divine core, your soul, got pushed to the background. However, there arrived moments in your life when the dimension of divine awareness opened up again. This often happened at moments during which you had to let go, when you had to say farewell.

Maybe it was saying farewell to a loved one, perhaps letting go of a job; any conceivable scenario. Such events are transitions which resemble dying, not in a literal sense but on a psychological level. You are being asked to let go on a deep level, and it is exactly during those moments of letting go that you can start to feel the reality of your eternal Self, the divine light that burns inside you. This reality remains with you unconditionally, even when everything around you falls away. And so it is when it comes to physically dying. If at that moment you are courageous enough to let go, the plane of the eternal will embrace you and you will experience a very strong awareness of who you really are.

Dying in conscious surrender is a holy event, filled with life and beauty. The majesty of what is enfolding will be tangible for those present. The more the ones who are present have experienced “dying while being alive”, the more they will be filled with awe and reverence about the transition they are witnessing.

With regard to all the transitions available in creation, ranging from physical birth and death to moments of intense emotional detachment during your life, the pivotal question ever remains not whether you will survive, but whether you are able to retain the connection with your own divine core. Can you stay in touch with the plane of Essence, your origins, Creation’s heartbeat? Connecting with the essential plane often during your life is the best way of preparing yourself for death, and for what lies beyond. By becoming aware now - prior to physical death – that the very core of who you are does not depend on the current physical body you reside in, nor on the identity which you assume in the world, do you set yourself free to smoothly make the transition once the moment arrives.

Connecting with the essential plane is a choice you make. Dying in itself won’t get you any closer to it. After dying, you will very much be the same person as you are now, albeit endowed with different possibilities and given a wider perspective. Yet the crucial question ever remains: do you remember yourself? Are you able to consciously connect with that dimension of timelessness which flows through you and which truly inspires you ?

You are un-perishable, dearly beloved angels of Light. Take faith in this. Let yourself be comforted and supported by this knowledge when your hour of death arrives; and now also, while you struggle with the issues of your life.

In order to die peacefully, you are asked to detach yourself on the inner level from anything that ties you to earthly existence. Practice this detachment continually while you are living, and you will be prepared to die.

You may ask: “Isn’t it tragic to detach yourself from life, while you are standing in the middle of it?” The answer is: “No. Instead, it is testament to a truly powerful spirit.”

What does detachment mean? It means that you pay attention to essence, that you do not get caught up in non-essential matters. It means you do not create unnecessary emotional drama; it means you experience joy in the simple things of life. To practice detachment and stay tuned into the plane of essence entails being aware of a hidden dimension, which lies directly underneath and behind the observable. It means to renounce quick judgment in terms of good and bad, and to trust a cosmic intelligence which far by exceeds the human mind.

Many of you are trapped in a thinking fever. You feverishly consider life; how to solve problems, how to accomplish all the things you think you need to do. You are very fixed on organizing life through your will and your mind. Detachment means you take this thinking aspect of yourself less seriously. Is this a tragic thing to do? No. Instead, it brings light and airiness to your life.

It is by your excessive urge for control that life becomes a struggle, tiring and heavy. Detachment brings peace of mind, humour and thoughtfulness. Being aware of the finiteness of life inspires the natural desire to cherish life. And it is there where your divine core can effortlessly flow through you, from the essential plane to your earthly reality. Once that happens, you will have conquered death before you have died.

Holy shit!! - The concept of God, Part 2

Holy shit indeed. I mean it literally.
Let's back up a moment. In the previous post, I mentioned that God being omnipresent means that God is present in every thing imaginable and also everything beyond our imagination. Now, shit is something we see every day and by our previous definition, God is present in shit.

Now, some might look at this as an attempt to deprecate God. To them, I would say, please look deeper into what is being implied. I hold God(which I don't think is a person, btw, I just think of God as a divine consciousness that is the 'Unseen seer' or the 'Unmoved mover') in the greatest of love and awe. Even if I did deprecate God, God doesn't judge. Humans judge, God doesn't. God just observes and thrills in our actions, and responds to our thoughts, beliefs and cocreates our reality with us.
God is a consciousness, and it pervades everything. If you go to a chemist or biologist and ask her to look at the molecular structure of shit, she's not going to say that the molecules look shitty! She might just go into the technical details of what kind of atoms and molecules bond together to form the thing we call, shit.
But the fact remains, that every object in this world has one thing in common.. It's made up of molecules.
Going one step further into the physics of it: String theory says, that the fundamental essence of all matter is energy and energy vibrating at different rates produces different kinds of matter (correct me if I am wrong).
So what we call 'shit', is just the outward appearance, it's fundamental essence is energy.. You could also call that energy or essence, God. And we all know that God is what we call (w)hol(l)y (or whole), and thus shit is also a part of the whole and hence, holy.

Holy shit!!
Here's an associated funny video: What is sacred?

Shamanic meditation experience

This was about a week back.
Went to the East-west bookshop in Seattle where there was a shamanic meditation going on at 7 pm.
There were about 10 people in the room. We were all sitting in a circle on chairs. The room was mildly lit with an incense buring in the room to create a calm atmosphere. The instructor started off by talking about meditation in general and shamanic meditation in particular. She then stood in the centre of the circle and started calling the spirits and guides of the east, west, north, south. The instructor also called on the guardian angels and ancestors of people in the room to come in during the shamanic meditation. She asked us what we expected from this session. I mentioned that I would like to meet my spirit guides. Others mentioned that they wanted to just be open a new experience, experience clarity, etc.
The meditation started by the instructor asking us to become comfortable by either lying down or reclining or sitting on chairs. Most of us lied down, 2 of them were sitting on a chair.
She had a 20 minute tape which she played - It was a guided meditation with drum beats in the background.
The meditation began by us being asked to imagine that we are in a lush green forest and that we are in front of descending steps that go into a clearing. We were asked to breath in and out as we descended the steps into the clearing. As we reached level ground, we were asked to visualize a door or a gate into the clearing. As we opened the door, we were to leave our burdens/cares/worries in a basket near the gate. We were then to begin our journey by being open to whatever shows up.
Since, I was intending to meet my spirit guides, I tried visualizing beings of light.. My visualization skills need a lot of improvement, but I could still visualize two beings of light around me. I listened for any communication, but I didn't get any. I was wondering what I should be doing next.
Meanwhile, my body was becoming more and more relaxed, as I listened to the rhythmic drum beat sounds coming from the tape being played. As I began to feel more relaxed, I started sensing vibrations near my chest and on the top of my head. It gradually increased to a point where I stopped trying to visualize my journey through the clearing in the forest and started experiencing these wonderful vibrations on my chest. At one point, I felt like two hands were gently pressing on my chest and sending me warmth, I did feel warmth, and also vibrations. (Reference)
To the readers, I would like to mention that usually when I meditate, I sense vibrations on the top of my head though they were more pronounced during this experience. The vibrations and warmth that I felt on my chest during the above experience were similar to those I felt during a reiki experience I had before.
Also, the drum beats were spacing me out, I felt very light near my chest region and felt like I was floating. The spacing out feeling has so far not been a pleasant experience, but I think I will get used to it soon. For instance, in this blog I had written previously, I was pretty shaken by this experience.


Peoples' experiences
Before I knew it, the meditation had to come to an end. I was pretty relaxed and wanted to stay that way for some more time. The instructor then enquired about our experiences.
One guy mentioned that he was going through the forest, he saw monkeys and then that he was among them and playing with them. Then he went to drink water near a lake and that he was drinking water with other animals and strangely he felt like he was a monkey. His tale went on and on this way and had weird twists and turns to it.
Another guy mentioned that he was a journalist and got an insight on an interesting topic that he could write about.
Others like me mentioned that we experienced vibrations and heat near the chest, head, etc.

The instructor then summarized the experiences by saying that, shamanic experiencers fall into the three broad categories of visionaries, journeymen, and healers.

I asked a few more questions afterwards and that was it. A pretty interesting experience, I must say, though a lot similar to the reiki experience I had earlier.

Insight

Had an insight today. Usually, these insights arise from a better understanding of what you already know..the knowledge you gain from books and experiences. But, some times, the insights seem to come from a source outside of yourself..but then that means you don't know yourself.
Here's an insight I had on spiritual growth:

The process of self-discovery is bitter-sweet to begin with..lots of confusion in the beginning. Slowly your life gets streamlined with the flow and that's when the fun begins...that's when you see the dramas of life for what they are..That's when you stop being afraid of uncertainity and welcome what shows up with open arms.

On balance

Wow, what a life I have had so far. Seriously, for me, it has been a whirlwind of sorts. I have always been a jack of all trades kind of guy. There are a multitude of activities that I have tried out at some point in time in my life, most of which I have explored only on the surface. Some of them are:
yoga, running, swimming, climbing, biking, hiking, taichi, meditation, maths, writing, quizzing, reading novels, reading spiritual books, thinking or contemplating, etc.

Yoga I learnt in my 5th class, I did it for some time and didn't continue it. I was an avid quizzer during 6th, 7th, and 8th classes. I was a voracious reader of novels in 7th, 8th and 9th class. Running, swimming and biking, I explored quite a bit during my undergraduate years. I even ran a half-marathon and biked upto 90 kms in single day.
I explored tai chi last year and discontinued it.
I have been hiking the last two years in Seattle every once in a while.

Meditation.. well I have been meditating regularly for the last 6 months, I am pleased with my dedication.. Well, it's not hard to meditate actually and I enjoy doing it or rather being myself while meditating.

Maths.. I have been interested in maths and problems in maths since 9th class, when I started scoring well (had a good tutor outside the school). My research is also based in applied mathematics.

The last two years have been a whirlwind of sort as I mentioned earlier. If I can consider running and research in applied mathematics as the physical and intellectual dimensions of my life, then the spiritual dimension of my life has seen a tremendous explosion in the past two years: I have read scores of spiritual books during the past one and a half years and contemplated on how I could apply that knowledge to my life. At the same time, I realized just reading books wouldn't be sufficient.. mere intellectual understanding wouldn't suffice.. so establishing a meditation routine was the most important spiritual step I have ever taken. It has helped me quite a bit on many levels.. some subtle, some explicit.

All the three dimensions seem important to me and I am striving or seeking to balance these dimensions out. I recognize that meditation is fundamental to my composure and my spiritual growth. I recognize that running will give me an energy boost and connect me with nature (there are quite a few running trails nearby).
I also understand that research is sort of what I would call my 'career'.

Balancing these three dimensions is what I am looking at, at this point in my life, although the spiritual dimension is definitely overpowering the other two dimensions right now.. Let's see how the drama unfolds!!

A grand idea on the human identity

The ‘grand’ idea:
ko aham? so(sah) aham!
(Translation: Who I am? That I am!)
Indeed, "Who am I?" is the one of the most fundamental questions that can ever be asked.
The question of one's identity is usually taken for granted. Do you identify yourself by your interests..but those are fleeting and usually change over time. Do you identify yourself by your friends, they change too. It seems like there is a constant redefining of who one is.. every moment of one's life, even if one is not aware of this ongoing process.
Looking outwards into the world is one way to learn about who you are. Another way is to look inwards.
The grandest of the ideas on the subject of identity is that the human identity is perceived to be limited, when in actuality it is not.


Imagine an infinite column of energy that cuts itself into infinite number of finite parts..Now imagine that these finite parts take shape and form and imagine that these finite parts create different worlds by accessing the infinite source energy that they are a part of.
These finite parts pretend to live in those worlds that they created and make merry. These finite parts give themselves names and think that they are different from the other, simply because they have different names and shapes and interests! Now, imagine that these finite parts lose their connection with that infinite column of energy of which they are a part of, since they are caught up being ‘busy’ in their own world.
Now imagine a while later, these finite forms of energy begin to question their identity.. Who am I? Am I really this limited form or is there something more to my reality and my existence? One of the finite forms of energy even contemplates this on his spiritual blog :)

There are two 'aha' moments here. One is that the infinite one, the infinite energy can split itself up into so much of a diversity that the diverse parts consider themselves to be different and have their own identity.
The second 'aha' moment is when the diverse parts of the one, begin to question their own identity and begin to believe in this grand idea and ultimately know that 'unity in diversity' was not merely a manner of speaking but that it was referring to the ultimate grand truth.

Therefore, the grandest of the ideas is that we are a part of that infinite source pretending to be a finite form of energy (namely a body-mind complex). The grandest of the ideas is that all of life is just a game that is being played (matrix level). The grandest of the ideas is that we survive death, simply because we are a part of the collective (infinite number of finite forms of energy) that created this game of life, for the experience. The ‘identity’ not only survives death, the identity expands beyond death into that infinite source.

Note: The ‘that’ in the third line refers to the infinite source.

Some excellent wisdom transmitted through channels on youtube

You can get spiritual food for thought, wisdom, from a multitude of sources in our digital age:
a) Experiences in life: They teach you a lot don't they..especially the "bad" ones.
That relationship that didn't work out and left a hole in your heart taught you about yourself, it refocussed you perhaps on what's more important in your life. Maybe you found the love you are seeking within yourself.
Personally, I have learnt a lot from graduate school. It has been a whirlwind 2 years so far, and I can't even begin to tell you how important these two years have been in shaping my spiritual perspective, that broader, larger than life perspective.
It has taught me so many things: how to respect people irrespective of their standing, how to be honest, how to not be too hard on myself.. I used to push myself hard and condemn myself when I didn't meet my goals. I learnt to be very gentle with myself. I also learnt about unconditional love due to a relationship. I thank that person for that experience.
These two years, have been far more enlightening spiritually, in building my character, my personality so to speak than academically. Academically too, I have learnt to become more efficient and focussed, but my greatest gift to myself so far have been the worst experiences I have had. For, I have learnt a lot about myself from these experiences.

b)Books: The single most inspiring source of wisdom and comfort I have had during the roller-coaster of my graduate school experience.
Numerous books have helped me understand the importance or lack thereof of so many things in life. Again, the most important thing I have learnt or understood is the perspective that makes life tick spiritually, physically and emotionally.
Perspective is such an important tool, for it is perspective that shapes your perception of reality and it is the way you perceive your experience that makes you label an experience as 'good' or 'bad'. Someone who had a laid back attitude in life would take a so called 'bad' experience much more easily than a person who is 'rigid' in his or her beliefs.
Well, do we need books to change our perspective? Apparently, some of us do. For some of us, even books don't suffice.. we need hard-hitting experiences to come to a point where we say, enough is enough.. this is not how I am going to live my life, this is not how I am going to look at my life or as in my case, I took on a perspective that "nothing really matters", which is not to say you don't do anything. But, what this "nothing really matters" means is that, circumstances are just circumstances without a label of good or bad, it is we that attach this label of 'good' or 'bad' to circumstances according to our beliefs and perspective. You may not be able to change the circumstances in your life, not just yet maybe, but you could definitely alter "your experience" of it, by having a much broader perspective in life.

c) Youtube: Yep baby. Youtube is just a click away and among the gazillion videos out there, there are some that really send the message across. Some of these videos, are delivered by non-physical entities through a trance channel medium. Now, you don't have to worry too much about the authenticity of these mediums, but believe me, the messages are as good in wisdom, clear and practical as I have ever come across in the many spiritual books that I have leafed through.
Here are some of them:

1) We bid you a great greeting, we are veronica!!!
2) Circumstances don't matter, only state of being does
3)On love

Enjoy and learn.

Meditation videos

There are a lot of cool meditation videos on youtube. Some of my favorites below:








The sunset meditation video on this page is beautiful. Watch it if you have the time.

Meditation: From a swift river to a placid lake

Imagine yourself in a canoe moving on a swift and turbulent river. Can you stare into the depths of the river? Heck no.. You only have time to stare ahead and keep the canoe steady. After a while, the river reaches level ground and slows down, but the moementum generated thus far still makes the river move quickly, though less turbulently. Now, you try staring into the river, you can see some fishes below the surface, but no more than that.After a while, you notice that the river branches out into different tributaries. You choose to move on one of them.. You immediately notice a difference.. The water has slowed down quite a bit and it is moving along gently. You can stare at the bottom of the tributary and see the rough outline of the river-bed.
This is quite an improvement from the swift and turbulent river you started out on.
You keep rowing on the canoe and the tributary opens up into a vast lake. As you enter the lake, you notice that the lake is very still and that the movement of water around you is only due to the movement of the canoe. You slow down the canoe to a halt and stare into the lake.. You find the water is very clear, very placid and that you can easily see everything below the surface unto the depth of the lake.

Now, the connection of the above canoeing experience to meditation:
Meditation is a journey like canoeing. In the beginning, the mind flows swiftly and turbulently with a lot of thoughts, some of them quite wild. It's hard to silence the thoughts.. You just try to get through the meditation just like you just focus on keeping the canoe steady when it's on turbulent waters.
As you steady your practice of meditation, the mind slows down, though thoughts still come and go as they will. You experience very brief periods of calmness during the meditation.
You stick to your meditation practice and after a while, you find that the periods of silence keep increasing.. the river has slowed down quite a bit and the water is very clear.. the mind is like a tributary of the river.
Moving on, one day you find that you had one of those 'perfect meditations' - Your mind became a lake and you had virtually no thoughts..

This is the progress in meditation - You start with the mind being in the turbulent and swift river phase, moving onto the fast but less turbulent river, to the slow but clear tributary to the placid and still lake.

It is easy to lose heart in the swift and turbulent phase of the meditation, since sitting still seems so difficult. But once you move on to the fast river or slow tributary stage, you would have established a good meditation practice that would ultimately lead you to the placid lake - deep inner peace and happiness.


Note: I didn't come up with the river analogy to meditation, I read about it in a meditation book called, "Joy of living - " by Rinpoche Mingyur. Ofcourse, I changed the analogy a bit, by adding a canoe and giving the idea of a journey!
Right now, I would say I am somewhere in between the fast river and the slow tributary phase of meditation.

Death

Death...This five letter word evokes many emotions in hearts of people. The most basic emotion that comes out is fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of what would happen to our 'identity' after death. Will life as we know stop existing? Will I shed this body and take up another?
What is going to happen? I don't know.. So I am afraid..Afraid of the unknown.
Well, if you think logically, whatever happens after death will happen whether you fear that or not. So why fear death at all?
And if you start thinking on death philosophically, referring to some texts, your belief in life after death gets stronger and with that you belief, you wouldn't say,
"May his soul rest in peace..".
You would say, "May his soul enjoy its newfound freedom and rejoice and celebrate...". Indeed, some communities see death as a cause for celebration, not one for deep mourning.