4 ways to improve the quality of your mediation

I have been meditating twice a day (mostly) for about 2 years now. Just thought I would share some things that benefited my meditation sessions.

I. Relax into your meditation

Relaxation helps you relieve tensions in your body. But meditation goes deeper.
Conversely, one can first do a relaxation exercise to relax the tense parts of the body. Once that is taken care of, it is easier to focus on calming down or observing the pesky mind. A simple relaxation exercise is to mentally scan the body from head to toe and each time you pass through a body part (say nose or thighs, etc), mentally repeat the word relax. The amazing thing about this is that doing this 2-3 times makes me see tangible differences in my state of relaxation. Another way to ease into meditation is to do some deep abdominal breathing.  A deep breath is associated with a relaxed state of mind. So the benefits of this goes without saying.

II. Let go of expectations

It would be great if this meditation were perfect - Very calm, no chattering, no worries, no rumination. This statement is fine as an intention. You can have an intention and then let it go. But an expectation is to have this statement run as an under-current hindering your meditation. Since meditation is all about letting go, and yet having an expectation makes you hold on. If in the meditation, the thoughts are running high - So be it. If it is smooth as silk, that's great too.

III. Make it a habit

Habits are powerful. Habits make it easy to do an activity, they make it almost subconscious. So just as you brush your teeth everyday, you just meditate everyday. This makes it easy to meditate when going through rough times. That is precisely when you need to meditate the most!

IV. Sleep well

Meditation is not a way to short-cut your sleep. Good sleep leads to good meditation and the converse is also true (that's why I meditate before I sleep). The way I get to know that I need more sleep is when I start falling sleepy a few minutes into my meditation.  Meditation does make you relaxed, but you are also aware. It is a state of relaxed-awareness. Sleep is more like relaxed-unawareness or relaxed semi-awareness.

Hope these pointers help you out - And let me know what helps you with going deeper in meditation.

Going raw-vegan for 3 weeks

So this is a time of change for me - Spiritual, intellectual and also physical.
Let me give you a brief summary before delving into the changes.

Spiritually, I have been meditating more - Been doing mantra based meditations and deep-breathing.
Sometimes, when I go for a walk to get some food or to play Squash, I mentally repeat the mantra.
It helps me quite a bit - Brings me to the present and removes me from the seeming urgency of issues.

Intellectually, I am broadening my research horizons - Doing 3 research projects, one mostly on coding, the other mostly on algorithms, and the third mostly on theory. People say that Phd has to be very focused - You take one topic and work really hard on that and go as far as possible and advance knowledge in that area. This is definitely the ideal. However, I am coming to terms with my Phd not being ideal or perfect. 

Physically, I think I am reasonably fit. I have mostly been playing squash although I was also running until 2 months back. My diet so far has been half-vegan (I have yogurt but avoid dairy otherwise).
I recently got inspired to try 100% raw food by a few articles I read, so I am going to do just that in the next 20 days. Why 20 days? Well, the 21st day I would be at a workshop and I am not sure I would be able to maintain my raw diet with all the cookies and extremely healthy baked foods they would be passing around. Too bad, it takes 21 days to make a habit, so they say :-)


Why I am trying the 100 % raw-vegan diet

First on why I am NOT trying the diet: Not to lose weight. I am at my ideal weight, thank you.
Not for beauty, although it would be good to have a good skin as a side effect.
My main reasons for engaging this diet:
a) For the "rawness" of the experience itself.
b) To see if raw foods really give me any gains in mental clarity and sleep.
c) As a process of deepening my meditations - I am giving my body more easily digestible
and closer to nature healthy foods, so I expect that there would be enough resources that the body can engage to focus on healing and creative activities.

I am not totally new to raw food. I usually have sub-way sandwiches for lunch and have a lot of Naked brand juices. But this is a totally new experience - 100% raw and a significant change in my life.

A lot of change

As I mentioned earlier, the last two weeks I have been working through changes. I have been meditating quite a lot, thinking about my research quite a bit, and also thinking about how I fall into negative thought patterns especially in my interactions with people.
There have been certain people I am interacting with who trigger something in me that makes me lose my calm thinking process. Sure, they have an attitude and can get very bossy - But why can't I be professional in my interactions with them? This is something I have been thinking about - It
made me go back into my past and look into similar issues that have not been resolved in my interactions with people. Oh man, issues do go deep.
Through all of this - I have been trying to set up positive intentions for my life and my path.
Perhaps the raw food experiment is one thing that can help align me with core self  better as I explore my issues through a more active body and energized, peaceful mind.

I recorded my weight before starting out - It's 142 lbs and I am 5'11'' tall.
I hope it stays the same or doesn't drop too much (I am trying to have enough raw food every day to make it a balanced diet). Will report progress in a couple of weeks.

Conversation with a taxi driver

I often meet interesting cab drivers when I travel around on taxis in Seattle (usually going home from a late night research work). They have interesting perspectives to share - How they got here or what they want to do in life, etc.

Today I had one such experience. The taxi driver was from Somalia.
He said that he was studying architecture at the Seattle University. He had purchased
the cab he was driving with his brother. The cab cost him about 300 grand. He told me that
he could repay the loan in 3 years using his earnings.

What fascinated me was the conversation that followed. I told him that it seemed like a great idea - You  have your own cab, you drive on your own terms and you also get to study the remaining time and also pay for the tuition. Why weren't his friends doing the same? He told me that they were afraid, they thought it was too risky to take a loan. They were comfortable with what they were doing. On the other hand, he wanted to go back to his country and create a positive impact. He wanted to rebuild his country. And that was why he was studying architecture. He encouraged his friends to do the same. They told him that he was acting older and more mature than his age and perhaps he should enjoy his life more. He told me that he was very passionate about his architecture course and I could sense that passion in the conversation.

His family repeatedly told him that he would never graduate from college. That was their belief.
No one in their near ancestry have been to college and so shall it be. Beliefs. How they affect how we behave and act in this world. How wonderful these beliefs can be and how crippling they can be too.
My taxi friend told me that in his case, his family's belief (or disbelief) in him only motivated him further - He would be very passionate and get a college degree and not just stop there - He was going to go home and rebuild his community.

How wonderful was his conviction that he would go back and affect a change. That's the kind of passion I like to see and hear in people. Do things passionately, let fear not cripple you.
Believe fiercely in yourself and your abilities and let not people's opinion cripple you, your dreams and ultimately your work in this world. As my taxi friend says, when you encounter fear, you face it - You look right into its eye and stand tall and you shall have taken a big step in life.

Extremes to Balance: Yet living on the edge

The background

The past five years have seen me go from an extreme living - an unbalanced life to a more balanced living. Let me explain.
Entering grad school in 2006, I had trouble adjusting to my program and doing research I was being asked to do. I was pulling all-nighters left and right, would work very hard for a few days and slack-off big time a few days later.
My eating habits were also on an extreme - I was subsisting on the same meal 3 times a day.
Granted, some of these experiences everyone does undergo in the beginning phase of grad school - However, even my mental states were teetering on extremes - Very happy one day to depressed the next day.
It was a period of high stress and many highs and lows. It was a period that wouldn't have been sustainable had I maintained my extreme schedule and state of mind.

A new beginning 
However, things started to change a couple of years later - I left my program, I started taking courses that were challenging yet I loved them. I found a new advisor and joined a new program. And sometime before these changes actually began, I started meditating on a regular basis.
It was my solace from all the chaos around me, all the uncertainity around me (at this time in 2008, I had no advisor to guide me - I was just following what seemed exciting and intersting).  Meditation gave me stability - It made me realize how volatile my mental state was - A continuous flurry of worries, emotions and fear I observed during my meditation process (I was doing "Observation meditation") - I even felt an extreme fear of going insane during these periods. However, I asked myself a question:
"Would I be ok if for some reason my mind went out of control?" - It was tough, but my answer was yes  - And that was when things started to change.
If I am not afraid of losing control of my mind - Then there is nothing else to be afraid of in life - And nothing much to worry either. "Nothing matters" was my realization and mantra at that time - It made a whole lot of difference to my mental state - My worries about the future gradually went down, I was less tense, and through all of this, I kept my meditation steady and saw that the fog was clearing up - Life was going to become more smoother - All because my perspective and my state of mind were changing for the better. Instead of a "flight or fight" response I had during the high-stress phase, I was starting to tend towards a "deliberate and calm" response.

These changes have occurred in phases and yet there has been a steady progress.
There was a time when I thought, would I every glimpse "inner peace" on a continual basis? And yet that very idea has taken shape. It's an inner flowering to a more peaceful state of mind and meditation has been a constant companion in stimulating and easing through these changes.
To give a concrete example: There used to be a time when I used to get very perturbed by missing a bus. Now, there are times when I miss two buses in a row and I am fine with that. And that's how it should be - What does one gain by making a big fuss of it, getting annoyed, frustrated, etc? Nothing!
What would be more useful is a calm analysis of what just happened. Why am I missing the bus or the boat (this literally happened recently), so to speak? Perhaps because I don't give myself enough time to get to the bus stop - Perhaps its my drive to be more efficient and to make the most of every minute that sometimes gets me into these situations.
Recognizing this and understanding this is a more useful thing to do than getting "annoyed", however natural it may seem. Indeed, it seems natural since it has become ingrained in the neuronal circuitry by repetitive behavior.

Infact I have tried to think of a situation in day-to-day life where it is actually useful to lose one's calm.
Can you think of one?
I can think of none - I think that there are always ways to address tough and adverserial situations "more effectively" by keeping ones calm.

The balancing act

Through my 5 years in grad school, I have realized the import of having a good work-life balance.
Although this might seem intuitive, in practice, balancing has been tough for me.
Don't get me wrong - I love physical activities, I love meditation and ofcourse my research. However to be able to balance these things on a continual basis, one needs to prioritize ones' tasks effectively - Something I am still figuring out.
I have always been a person who gets easily excited about things that come my way, so much so that I lose track of my priorities. A person who sticks to his priorities is more consistent in "the balancing act" than one who is not.
Example: Someone invites me for dinner, I stay up late at their place playing games, having fun and sleep in so that I miss a running race the next day (this has happened to me more than once) - When did my "immediate environment" become more important than my "long-term balance"? It's precisely when I decided to ignore my priorities or became less aware of my priorities.

On the other hand, there are people who are very clear about their priorities - However their priorities are all related to work. So their balance suffers.

What we need is a mix of the two qualities - An understanding of the importance of balance in one's life and the means to execute this in real life through effective prioritization.


Balancing yet Living on the edge
The next paradigm that I would like to explore, now that I have made progress on the basics (more inner peace and stability, more balance) is the idea of living on the cutting edge.
What do I mean by this? I am referring to the idea of being open to the opportunities, both planned and unplanned that come into our lives and seizing them immediately: We often hesitate when life throws an opportunity our way. What we plan for, we are ready to execute. But what of something that's unplanned but sounds great? We should be equally ready to recognize such an opportunity and change plans accordingly. How quickly can we adapt to these changes and re-plan our path - That is the crux of this idea I would like to explore.
As an example: I recently had an opportunity to do a good internship that would have helped my career - However I hesitated in my decision as it was not in my current plan. And a few days later it was gone.

I am also referring to the related idea of converting road-blocks and obstacles that come our way into a play-ground for exploring creative solutions. How awesome it would be to say - "I am stuck at this point in my work and not able to see any obvious solutions. How wonderful! This is an opportunity for me to exercise my creative muscles. Perhaps the solution would be innovative. That's even better!". Now take this idea and extend it from work to every aspect of life. One can even come up with creative ways of dealing with people.
Indeed, some people are natural at this. We call them "good managers".

Summing it up
To sum-up, let me humbly tell you that I have had a great time in grad-school so far and have learnt quite a few lessons, both academic and non-academic. There have been great many ups and downs that I have been through - But more recently I have noticed that I don't get fazed by either the ups or down. I stay more grounded and try to focus on the big picture. Example: Yes, its great to have this paper accepted, but I have quite a bit of work to do before making an impact in my area. Example: It's unfortunate that some-else proved this conjecture, yet I will have more conjectures come my way - so not to worry.
I see more and more, the importance of balance in both the quality of my work and the quality of my life. Balance gives me a win-win in both my research and in my life. I meditate -> So I more calm and can take set-backs more easily -> So I am more persistent in getting solutions to research problems instead of just getting frustrated and doing nothing -> So I am more productive and publish more quality papers. I invest daily time in physical activity -> So I am refreshed in the evening -> I can still get work done later in the night with a fresh mind -> I have more quality time for my research.
There is a certain synergy that happens when I integrate meditation, physical activity and research into my daily life. I love each of these three activities and one helps the other, and I love that synergy too.

Ofcourse, balancing is not easy and effective prioritization is something I am working on for better execution of balance. Finally, I like and am exploring the idea of living on the edge, which is embracing uncertainity and recognizing the opportunities both planned and unplanned, welcome and un-welcome that come our way and seizing them immediately and being creative in over-coming any obstacles for a more fuller, harmonious, exciting, peaceful and enjoyable life!

Involuntary Body Movements: Part II

This can be considered a follow-up post to this one. The previous post was on my experiences of involuntary movements during the start of my meditation journey 3 years back. It was quite intriguing to me, since it was clear to me that I was not causing the involuntary movements (by definition!). I could stop these movements at will, but it was as if a gentle hand would again begin the movements in precise directions and curves!
Fast-forward 3 years later,  I am a busy graduate student moving towards the end of my Phd, wishing for more time to do research every day - But at the same time balancing my life with meditation and physical activity........

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I just finished a busy quarter where I set more goals than I could manage. However, I am getting better in planning and organizing my work to achieve my goals more effectively. No sooner did my quarter end,
I took off for a conference to Spain. I had a wonderful time there after which I spent a wonderful 4 days in Germany (specifically Frankfurt and Tuebingen). I consider this post-conference time a retreat time.
I meditated everyday for about 3-4 hours spread out through the day coupled with lots of rest and good food. Invariably, I would get up at around 3 in the morning most of these days. I was alternating Mantra based meditation (which activates my third-eye chakra) with Mindfulness of Breath meditation. I experienced quite a bit of:
a) Involuntary neck rotations: This seemed like a warm-up for what was to come!
b) Involuntary movements from the torso and above - Mostly circular rotations with center at the base of my spine.
c) Sinusoidal movements of my upper torso - Akin to a Snake standing up and waving about when it encouters something in its path.
d) Backward and Forward bends of my torso - This is amazing to witness. I am accustomed to rotations of the torso. But yesterday night, I felt an involuntary movement of the body where the torso started moving in downward spiral but then there was no rebound - That is I was just going down - This is the position I was finally in at the end of this movement: Yoga Mudra.

Although in the beginning, my focus was on the mantra and breath, as soon as these movements began, I could only observe what was happening - I was a witness to this cleansing process - To this rise of energy in my being. The sensations were usually pleasant. Even now as I type, I feel pressure at the center of my forehead and if I close my eyes, my body gently sways.
Where is all of this leading to? I don't know. However, what amazes me is the physiology of how this happens . In spiritual terms, these involuntary movements are associated with the awakening of Kundalini Energy.
However, what is the source of this energy? How does it act? What are some necessary conditions for this to happen? These are open questions for the scientific community, although the scientific community has a long way to go towards investigating these fundamental questions.
What I do understand from the 'spiritual perspective' is that the Kundalini Energy is inherent in everyone and starts to become awakened when the person has invested sufficient time in personal growth. What is the purpose of this awakening? In spiritual parlance, the awakening symbolizes the move towards a greater evolution of the human consciousness, towards inner peace and world peace, towards joy and greater fulfillment in life and beyond.

Music and meditation

Introduction
I have experimented with a few different meditations so far: Breath-based mindfulness (Ana-pana-sati), mantra based (chanting a mantra in the mind), visualization based meditation (imagining balls or columns of light). With regard to meditation and music, I have tried meditating to slow devotional music with different degrees of success (in terms of calming the mind).

A personal experience
A couple of days back, there was a meditation group hosted by a bunch of UW undergrads with a good attendance. At one point, one of the people


present in the room started playing the clarinet. We had our eyes closed and just a few seconds before the music began, I started getting a pleasant sensation at the middle of the forehead (corresponding to the eye-brow or ajna chakra). The pleasant sensation stayed on throughout the time he was playing clarinet. I didn't want to come out of the meditation after the music stopped, just being absorbed in that sensation seemed good enough at that moment. Towards the end, the guy was surprised when I mentioned this to him and let me know that he had played the clarinet to the ``Bhupali Raag'' and that it was supposed to help stimulate the eye-brow point. I am not sure if this particular Raag is assoicated with this, but my meditative experience with the music was crisp and clear.

I have dabbled with the Native American Flute in the past and it has always given me a soothing feeling during the meditation. Perhaps I should start playing the flute more regularly.

On Death

Death is a great leveller. Rich, poor, famous, average Joe - All kinds of people have to face one thing - Their own death.

My uncle, whom I greatly admired for his will power in getting things done and who I had a close relationship with, passed away recently.

I am sad about his death. He was in his 70's and he had helped a lot of my relatives with their personal problems including my own family. He was a man of great will power, was very organized in life and a stickler to his routine. He has helped and inspired a lot of people I know.

I understand that death happens to everyone. I believe in life after death. I believe that death is to the body and not to the soul. My belief in this has recently strengthened due to a few out of body experiences I have had. I believe my uncle has passed on to another realm, another place, another time. My prayers to him, that he be happy and joyful wherever he is.

Death of some one we know reminds us that we have finite time on earth.
Every moment is precious. Let us use every moment towards what we really wish to do in life. Towards our highest idea of what we think is a life worth living. Towards our greatest desires. Towards our greatest love. For there is not a minute to spare and we know not when death can come knocking.
If I were to live as if today was my last, I would have no regrets passing away tomorrow - I would have enjoyed my stay on earth and perhaps it was time for me to move on.

Let us therefore enjoy our stay on earth, devoting our efforts and time towards what we love doing in life whether that be research, music, hiking or one of the gazillion things one can do while on earth.

A prayer

Here's my heartfelt prayer:

May I see the good in everyone I meet
May I be more open to learning from people
May all people have inner peace
May I have wonderful thoughts and intentions for people I interact with
May I be an instrument of the divine
May I be easy on myself and others
May we all resolve conflict through a peaceful means and
a win-win approach.

Om shanti shanti shantihi
Om peace peace peace

A note on mindfulness meditation

Introduction:

Mindfulness meditation is a deceptively simple practice and yet very useful.

Neuroscientists and behaviorists(google MBSR, MBCT to know more) find it greatly helps people who are stressed out and also people suffering from anxiety based disorders (OCD, etc). I personally overcame OCD through mindfulness meditation 7 years back.

Mindfulness meditation can also help people in general manage their stress levels and keep them grounded. Mindfulness meditation is definitely helping me with managing stress in grad school.

Ofcourse, meditation in general(of any kind) is a very useful thing to do on a daily basis. However, mindfulness meditation is especially useful for people who find it difficult to concentrate.

Here's a simple practice:

1) Sit down some place - On the chair or on the ground.

2) Gently scan your body from head to toe and as you do this mental scan, feel your body relax - You can also say the word 'Relax' in your mind as you do the scan.

3) Now, keep your eyes open and just observe the sensations going around you

- These sensations could be the sound of a car outside, the groaning of the refrigerator, your own THOUGHTS, itching sensations in the body - The whole idea is to passively observe these sensations. As far as possible, observe these sensations without making any judgements in your mind. Think of yourself as a passive spectator observing these sensations around you.

Don't try to curb your thoughts or even guide them. Let them run through. You are just a passive spectator.

4) If you are comfortable with this process of passive observation, you can begin doing it with your eyes closed.

Some Comments:

You will slowly notice that as you are going on with this passive observation, you become more relaxed and grounded. Your passive observation process will bring to light the restless nature of the mind!!! Your thoughts might be flying high in your mind, yet you feel more relaxed than before. With practice, the thoughts will also start to settle down.

When I began this practice 2 years back - My thoughts were going zip,zap,zoom. But the interesting thing was, my thoughts would settle down slowly as I became regular at my practice.

As the days went by, I found that my mind was starting to calm down quicker.

A few months later, I had a meditation session, where my mind settled down quickly and the peace thereafter was wonderful. There was a sea of change from the mind I began with and the mind I was experiencing a few months later. However, to sustain this calmness, I found that a regular practice is essential. For me a daily meditation practice is indispensable in keeping me grounded through the rigors of graduate school. The feeling of release of stress when I meditate before going to bed is wonderful. If you are reading this sentence, I highly recommend this meditation practice(or any suitable meditation practice that you are attracted to).

Duration:

You can begin with 10 minutes. And as you progress, you can increase the duration depending on your comfort levels. I have time for about 30 minutes of meditation everyday morning and night.

OCD and Mindfulness meditation

1) Introduction

Obsessive Compulsive disorder is a disorder caused due to a stuck circuit in the brain.

More specifically, the neuronal circuit between: orbital frontal cortex, caudate nucleus and anterior cingulate cortex is on overdrive.

The orbital frontal cortex is the part of frontal cortex that is associated with detecting errors or 'something is wrong' in the environment. This area is on overdrive in people with OCD and hence there is always a feeling that something is wrong. The circuit moves onto the cingulate cortex which is associated with compulsion, which makes the people with OCD act compulsively whenever they have a feeling of 'something is wrong'.

In Neuroscience, there is a classical phrase: 'Neurons that fire together wire together'.

When the feeling of 'something is wrong' is followed by a compulsion to do something (e.g. twitch the hand or some other action)... This sequence gets hard wired in the brain (stronger neural connection).

However, through mindful response... E.g. following 'something is wrong' by a relaxing activity instead of the compulsive action, the circuit is remodeled into something that is more benign.

Ofcourse in the beginning, this mindful action is difficult because of the hard-wiring of the circuit.

But with practice, the circuit weakens and stops bothering the person as much.

2) My experience

I had OCD during my senior high school and first two years of college. In the beginning(first 6 months), it was a gruelling experience. I didn't know why I had these obsessive thoughts that were so troublesome. Ofcourse, I didn't know at that point that it was a stuck circuit. My only respite from these 'something is wrong' thoughts was sleep. A psychiatrist prescribed a tranquilizing drug(fludac) - I think it had an affect on my visual cortex area or the areas related to imagination - Because, since then I have had trouble visualizing(in my mind) objects clearly. Ofcourse, the drug did help make the thoughts less menacing. I think these drugs fall under the class of SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors). Sertonin is a natural biochemical that has a calming influence on the brain.

In my second year of college, I attended a 3 day workshop on mindfulness meditation and other breath based techniques.

I remember clearly, the instructions was to observe my thoughts passively without any commentary or reaction. It was hard, these thoughts had given me a lot of trouble - But I tried anyway. I soon found (a few days later), that my condition was getting better.

I continued my practice of mindfulness meditation and also took up running everyday.

Within 6 months, I was a different person. The obsessive thoughts no longer bothered me (circuit had weakened quite a bit) and I was out of depression (which was also a problem during that time). Further more, running gave me a lot of energy and enthusiasm for life.

It was quite a recovery!! There were small relapses(whose frequency began to diminish), but I knew what to do - be responsive (instead of being compulsive or reactive), mindfully.

3) Neuro-plasticity

It is quite a remarkable thing that a person can change the neuronal circuits in the brain merely through a different mental/physical response. This phenomenon of changeability of neuronal circuits in the brain is known as neuro-plasticity. Neuro-plasticity is supposed to be at its peak during childhood(where the brain is very mouldable and adaptable). This ability does continue with age (although to a lesser degree).

I was reading a book on The mind and the brain: Neuroplasiticity and the power of mental force by Jefferey M. Schwartz and Sharon Begley. The detailed description of what happens in a OCD patient as given in the book is fascinating. I can put together what I experienced with what happens chemically in the brain as described in the book for a better picture of what was going on with me.

Neuroplasticity as a concept is very fascinating as it puts the responsibility for a good life squarely on oneself(ones mind and brain). Don't like your life? - Change your brain by changing your actions and thoughts and voila, neuronal circuits change and you act more responsibly. Ofcourse these changes in actions and thoughts have to be made consistently, so that benign circuits are preferred over malign circuits. Are you very emotional and worried? Perhaps your amygdala is on overdrive or your basal gangila is on overdrive. Solution: Either drugs(with side-effects) or mindfulness meditation(also a host of other alternatives). The latter has no side effects and can help bring in neuronal circuits that are conducive for a more peaceful and clear mind.

4) Questions, questions and more questions!

A very fundamental question that arises (also asked in the book mentioned above) is this:

Is the mind different from the brain? This question arises easily in the case of OCD.

In the case of a mindful response, it was as if my mind was willing a different response to my obsessive thoughts that was followed up by the brain so that the brain was beginning to rewire accordingly. If the mind is indeed different from the brain - Where is the seat of the mind?

Is it a phenomenon of the brain - Is it a higher level abstraction of the brain functions? Or is it something that is fundamentally immaterial - not made up of matter. This is also a question of fundamental physics - String theory claims that the fundamental essence of matter is energy - Which is immaterial. So is mind some abstract form of energy that is immaterial. If so, can it function independently of the body-brain framework? If it can, then we can begin to ask questions on what happens to this mind after death? And thus, we enter a whole new realm that science hasn't dared to enter yet.

My first lucid dream with flying (and love-making)

Today I woke up at 5:00 am and was just lying around in the bed drifting back into sleep but not able to. Somewhere around 6:30 am, I was lying down on my back and sensed something strange. Now, lying down on the back when you are deeply relaxed is a powerful way to go out of body or lucid!!

So I was lying down on the bed and my eyes were getting heavier... I was staring at the ceiling.

And then I noticed that my legs started cycling rhythmically for no reason!!!

I touched the 'touch' light stand near me to see if I was dreaming - The first touch turned the light on... The other touches had no effect when they should have!!! So perhaps I had just woken up from sleep and was still partly astral and perhaps that was my astral hand doing the touching. Perhaps!

My eyes were getting heavier... So I closed my eyes and immediately.... I woke up quickly... I knew this was astral wake up or out-of-body wake up!!! Remember, that when this happened, it was dark around!

But the momentum wasn't sustained... So I went back to lying position and I sat up again and this time I woke up completely - standing up... It seems like I was out of body!!! I was so excited... I knew that I was out of body or in a lucid dream... And my impulse was to run... So I ran and the scenery changed... I was in another room.... And I saw a glass window in front of me... I was hesitant to go through the closed window... But I knew I was astral, so I went through it anyway and joy of joy... I was on the second floor of a building and ready to jump... And I jumped and glided gently down to the ground with my body horizontal and hovering above the ground. I got up and decided to fly. So I said to myself.... light, light, fly and I slowly lifted up....

It seemed to me like I was in the downtown of some city(I actually live in Greenlake, Seattle - not close to downtown) and so I was flying and enjoying it... Because I was aware that I was dreaming... I observed the buildings around me.. Some of them were in a bad shape... But there were other sky scrapers and they looked good.

I then thought, oh maybe I could visit my guides.

The scenery changed and I was in a bus?? Right next to me a woman and there were more people coming in. The next thing I knew, I was having sex with this woman next to me... Man, it felt so real..After a few moments of passionate sex, I woke up for real, refreshed and taking in deep breaths.... That was one heck of a lucid dream with flying and love making!

So in the beginning I was aware that I was 'out of body' or perhaps 'lucid' but towards the end.. I had partial awareness... Since I was caught up in ahem.. love making.

But all the same, this is great progress for me in lucid dreaming :)

Let 2010 bring peace, joy and fulfillment

May all beings have inner peace so that they make decisions from a place of clarity.

May all beings have inner peace so that they face all circumstances in life with poise.

May all beings have inner peace so that they may spread the peace to one another.

May all beings have inner peace so that we have world peace.

May all beings have joy in whatever they do and spread the joy all around.

May all beings enjoy life on earth despite its' twists and turns.

May all beings spread joy through their being in joy.

May all beings find fulfillment in their work, whatever it may be.

Here's wishing peace, joy and fulfillment for everyone in the year of 2010.

A state of balance and inner peace

I. Introduction

I have been to extremes, rather I should say I began exploring the extremes in my college life.

I experienced incredible freedom in my college days at the Indian Institute of Technology(IIT), so much so that I explored the freedom in many possible ways, some constructive, some not so constructive.
Let me give a few examples:

1) Sleep: Till my college days, I was very disciplined in my sleep. Ofcourse, I was living with my family and everyone would go to bed early. So I would sleep by 10 pm or 11 pm, no later than that and get up by 6-7 am.
That all changed in my second or third year in college. I thrilled in sleeping late. I explored sleeping at different times, 2 am,4 am, 6 am, etc. I even took pride in that I could sleep that late and not let my body be affected.
The extreme sleep cycles went on even when I came to Udub to pursue my Phd. I was sometimes sleeping at 11 am in the morning and getting up late in the evening.
At this point, I was desperately trying to stabilize my sleep. It was no longer a thrill. It was no longer a use of my freedom, it was rather a misuse of my freedom.
Freedom comes with responsibility and I was beginning to come to terms with that.

2) Focus: In my college days, I was so thrilled by what I could explore apart from my academics. I explored running, swimming, biking, hiking, spirituality, philosophy and so on. I was just jumping from one to another, tasting one and sipping another without really going deep into anyone of them. Ofcourse, I did take running seriously, but there was no real balance between my extracurricular activities and my academics. I still face the problem of focus, but to a lesser extent now.

What I have realized through my explorations and experiences in life is that
balance is important in life.

II. Different areas in which one can bring about balance

1) Balanced emotions:

Having balanced emotions is a great asset. When one goes from extreme joy to extreme sadness or extreme love to extreme anger, there is a continual dreading of the negative extreme, there is an imbalance that affects decision making, clarity and focus.

On the other hand, when one has balanced emotions, one can be calm even when things outside are upside down and can make quick and effective decisions most of the times.

Balanced emotions can be brought about in many ways including breathing exercises (pranayama), deep relaxation, meditation, and even through an understanding of the need for balance. Forgiving people quickly and sending everyone in your life positive thoughts is another easy way to be in a state of balance.

2) Work-life balance

This is something everyone is working on. For me it has taken some time to realize this. I would go from fully focusing on work during one week to totally taking it easy the next week.

Nowadays, my days start with having positive intentions for the day, meditation and then work.

Coming back, I meditate before going to sleep. I also run over the weekends. I find this to be a much better balance than the life I was leading before.

3) Understanding equanimity and balanced interactions

I just want to point out here that, equanimity is not just being calm when something unwanted happens but it is also being calm and balanced even when something 'fantastic' happens.

Not getting easily excited or perturbed by outside events and being centered and calm when interacting with people who are easily excitable or are perturbed is a sign of an equanimous state of mind.

I have come to understand the following principle and it's potent use in my life.

The principle of balance - A self-regulating mechanism

- Whenever you get perturbed in the mind by some event or some memory or someone's comment or some worry, notice the perturbation and come back to the present.

Note that the ability to quickly notice the perturbations of the mind without exacerbating the perturbations is itself is a big skill that can be acquired with practice.

The next step is to find ways to quickly come back to a state of balance once the perturbation has been noticed.

III. A few quick ways to come back to a balanced state of mind

1) Continual reminders: Remind yourself to be at peace continually. The effect of these reminders is that when there is a 'big perturbation' due to some event or memory, this reminder will play in your mind and you will quickly come out of the 'perturbation' to a state of balance.

2) Continual relaxation: Stress builds with time. Strees in the mind translates as tension in the body. 'Scan' your body frequently. Mentally focus on different parts of the body and sense if there is any tension and relax it. Relaxing the body does affect the mind and helps bring the balance. Sometimes when the mind is perturbed, it's difficult to calm it down. The easiest thing to do at that time would be to 'scan' the body and relax it.

3) Observing the content of your thoughts: When one observes the vacillating nature of one's own mind, you realize that you can either add to that vacillation or stabilize that vacillation

by becoming a passive observer to the thought process. This passive observation brings about balance quickly and helps us understand why we think the way we do and consciously bring about a change to the thinking process.

4) Following the breath: The breath is intricately linked to the state of mind.

When you are angry, you breathe quickly and shallowly. On the other hand, when you are calm and relaxed, you breathe deeply. A technique therefore is to focus on the breathing and observe its rhythm. This observation in itself affects its rhythm and the breath becomes slower and deeper. If there are distracting thoughts, gently bring it back to the breath and continue observing its rhythm.

Symbol of balance:

I just want to mention here, that when I was listening to some peaceful chanting in the night 1 year back, I had a vision of the image displayed at the top of this article. I thought about what this image might mean - I knew that this was a symbol that came up often in Indian films whenever there was a courtroom scene. But then it struck me, ofcourse - This is a symbol of balance - Balancing the scales.

I thank my intuition for this image. I have come a long way since then in balancing my emotions and life and ofcourse, there is always room for improvement.

Here's to balance and inner peace for everyone in the world.

Be an example: Chintz Bana

Watch the video about the transformation of Chintz Bana, who got a lot of material success but was left with a feeling of emptiness. Watch how he was able to transform that feeling through breathing techniques learnt through Art of living and service to help transform prisoners.
Watch it here.

Talking about synchornicities....

Synchronicity: Coincidence of events that seem to be meaningfully related, conceived in Jungian theory as an explanatory principle on the same order as causality.

Now that we have that definition out, let me state some synchronicities that have happened of late...

I was at the PCC store at Greenlake deciding what to buy from the bulk items, when I came across an ionized water dispenser that was selling water for cheap. I was just looking at that dispenser and reading some stuff when the song that was playing at the background changed to tune that was familiar. As I was placing what that tune was similar to, I was reminded of this beautiful song by the band called Indian Ocean. The lyrics of the song came in again... 'Maa rewa, tharo pani nirmal, khal khal behko jayo re' meaning, ' Oh beautiful river, your water is so pure, and you glide along gently'. The synchronicity ofcourse was that my buying water coinciding with the song in the background that was similar to the one by Indian Ocean on appreciating the purity of water of Narmada river.



B) Today I went to the east west bookstore to a talk by Margaret Carson about the 'Healing of waters' and we did some guided meditations imagining the purification of water we held in a glass. Silly as this exercise may seem, there is some research done by Masaru emoto showing that the crystals of water form beautiful or deformed shapes depending on the kind of messages(good or bad) posted on the container in which they are held after a period of time..This person at the talk seemed very passionate about the ocean and healing of the ocean so we did a guided meditation imagining that we are at an ocean doing just that.. The experience felt good. Now, here's where the synchronicity kicks in: Towards the end of the talk, we did one last guided meditation where we held water in a glass in front of us and send it our positive intentions and thoughts. While I was doing this, this song by Indian Ocean came to my mind. After the meditation, while sharing experiences, I mentioned this song(actually sang the first line) and it's meaning. The lady at the talk was surprised. She also mentioned that during the guided meditation, a thought came up to her that there would be 'a song' and she was like, 'What song?'. And also, the song is by Indian Ocean while the talk was about purifying water and in particular her passion for ocean. I love these synchronicities, even mathematically their probability is relatively small(i.e. probability of two independent events happening simultaneously = product of probability of the two events happening).

My 10 day vipassana meditation experience

I did the Vipassana meditation retreat between 16th july - 26th july. In short, it was a roller-coaster ride. The ride was ofcourse in the mind . It’s interesting to note that as we go about our daily lives, we look at external objects, people and issue out reactions or responses. But observing your own body, your own mind, can some useful information be gained, can a new perspective be gained, can you actually even go looking for the root cause of misery by looking within? These are some questions that have fascinated me and these 10 days were my time for focused observation of the body and mind to possibly answer these questions or atleast get some perspectives.

I have got a few insights and many experiences to reflect on(those I have reflected on, I have applied the lessons learnt with good benefits so far).

Talking to different people at the end of the retreat, I realized that everyones’ experience is different and unique. If you are interested, you can go ahead and read some details from my experience (it’s long!) .

The Setting

A beautiful field of wild yellow-green grass surrounded by tall trees, in the middle of which lies three buildings(meditation hall, men’s dorms and a dining cum women’s dorms). Located in Onalaska, it’s 2 hrs drive south of Seattle. I was surprised that three-quarters of the people at the retreat were below the age of 35. I then learnt the reason..It's summer!

Boredom

So my first impressions of the meditation routine was that it’s boring. I mean, think about it, 8-10 hrs of meditation everyday. And you are doing the same meditation for atleast 3 days before changing the technique. You get up at 4:30 am and you get to bed at 9:30 pm. There are many meditation sessions in between with some rest periods thrown in, but it's all meditation. You go back from the meditation hall to your residence, and people start walking slowly being aware of each step, oh yeah - The walking meditation. You are having your food, and you are totally focused on what you are eating - No paper in hand or laptop on the lap - So that's mindfulness meditation while eating. Ofcourse, we were to maintain complete silence for 10 days, so no getting distracted by talking to other meditators. So you see it's the ideal environment to meditate and also to get bored with meditation.

It’s like there is only one restaurant in town and you go there to order food:

“Excuse me sir, I would like to order some food”.

‘Sure, we got an ‘All you can eat’ buffet today, and as always, it’s free’.

“Oh wow, what’s on the menu?”

‘We got two delicious items – The group meditation and individual meditation. The group meditation has to be consumed within the premises, but you can ‘take out’ the individual one’.

“Oh ok”.

At the end of my first day, it was refreshing to have a different experience than boredom: As we came out of the meditation hall, we saw a mother deer with her two recently born kids jumping around merrily. It was an awesome sight, complementing the beauty of the place.

Sensations

The vipassana technique is all about observing sensations on your body ‘equanimously’.

The first 3 days, we observe the breath, which is the ana-pana-sati(incoming outgoing breath awareness) technique. We also narrowed down our focus to a triangular region around the nose to observe sensations. The idea is that there are always sensations on every part of the body, but we may not be aware of them because the mind hasn’t been trained to look for them. So, by observing a triangular region around the nose, I was able to observe two different sensations. One was an itching sensation and the other a tingling sensation. These sensations are impermanent, they arise and pass away.

So we get the idea that there are sensations (some perceptible, some subliminal – depending on the mind’s sharpness) all over the body and that these sensations arise and pass away.

Now, what’s observing sensations got to do with peace of mind?

The idea is that when we crave for something, let’s say chocolate, what we are actually craving for is the sensation that we get on the body when we have chocolate. And when one craves for chocolate and can’t have it for some reason, one can get upset or irritated. The idea is that one is upset because one craves for the sensation on the body that arises when you have chocolate.

Similarly, when one hates something, the idea is that one hates the sensation that happens on the body when that object comes into your view.

What if one remains calm or equanimous to these sensations on the body instead of craving for them or having an aversion for them? This idea of equanimity to sensations is the basis behind the Vipassana technique and that’s the core practice we do during the last 5 days of the course.

It’s amazing what sensations can be observed when the mind is trained to look for them.

Personally, I was able to observe tingling sensations all over my head and palms of my hands. And over the rest of the body, I was able to observe a few sensations here and there.

One important idea is that even pain can be viewed as a sensation. And if you can remain equanimous to pain, it can stop having that big of an effect of you. For example, when one has severe pain in the leg, the physical pain one feels is exacerbated by the mental reaction.. ‘Oh pain, oh severe pain. I don’t like this pain.. I want to get rid of it. What do I do?’. The mind in it’s reaction of aversion to this ‘sensation of pain’ increases the suffering one feels when one has this pain. On the other hand, the mind could have been equanimous..’Yes there is severe pain, let’s see how long it lasts. Let me not get affected by it’. This is an easy thing to say, but not easy to act, as I discovered.

The sitting

On day 5, we were introduced to this adhittana sitting or a sitting of strong determination. In this group sitting, you are not supposed to move even a single part of the body for an hour. Days 5 and 6 were pretty much a struggle for everyone. We would all get up limping and groaning. We had three such sittings every day since day 5. On day 5, I could manage two sittings without movement. On day 6, I thought I would be brave and not use any cushion and just sit on the floor. These guys provide you will all sorts of cushion of all sizes,firmness, and shape to make your meditation comfortable and I decided not to use it on that day! Why?? Because I figured that I am anyway going to observe sensations which include pain, how does it matter if the pain is shallow or deep, I am going to be observing it anyway. I managed two sittings with grit and determination, but the third sitting, it was difficult for me to even sit down, let alone not move. My legs were shot that day, and I was careful from day 7 to make myself comfortable with cushions. I figured, I could try out the no-cushions thing another day.

Moving beyond pain

On Day 9 of the course, we were sitting in one of those hour long group meditations where you are not supposed to move any part of the body and maintain your posture. It can seem like torture to an outsider, since the pain in the legs can get intense with 1 hr of sitting with no movement. But to a vipassana meditator, the pain is supposed to be just another sensation!

45 minutes into the 1 hr sitting, my calf muscles in my left leg were becoming more and more painful and I, as a good vipassanameditator was trying to observe the pain ‘objectively’. So I examined the pain… Where is it centered? It’s in the center of the calf muscle. Ok what kind of a pain is it.. It’s a mildly intense pain on the verge of becoming a severely intense pain. Alright, what’s it’s nature? It’s a pulsating/radiating pain that arises and passes away every second.

At this point I also had pains centered in my knees and my thighs. So it was an interesting experience for me in trying to characterize pain in one part of the body, when ‘other pains’ are calling for your attention.

So I surveyed the pain objectively and moved on to other parts of the body to examine sensations there. Suddenly, I felt a warm rush of vibrations in my left leg. I examined what was going and I found that the ‘gross calf pain’ that was intense had faded away to the background and was replaced by these pleasant ‘warm vibrations’ in my leg. This was my first experience of pain – a gross sensation dissolving into subtler sensations through objective equanimous observation of pain.

In Vipassana meditation, it’s a sign of progress to have gross sensations such as pain in the body to be replaced by subtler sensations such as tingling sensations, since that means two things: Your mind is getting sharper in being able to observe subtler sensations and that you have been able to develop equanimity to pain, which is not easy.

Implications

We usually think of pain as something unwanted, something to be gotten rid of. But when you change your perspective on pain and think of it as a sensation that could be observed without aversion, as something that can be observed objectively, waawaveeva, you can have this pain fading away.

I spoke to other meditators to see if they had similar experiences. One guy in his 50’s had sciatic pain in his back that was always present. But during the 10 day course, once he started observing the pain objectively, the pain would pass away and come back. Not having pain, even for a short period was a big relief for him.

Another guy had an amazing story. At the end of every 1 hr group sitting with no change of posture, we would all get up limping and groaning. But this guy would get up and just walk away with big strides and a smile as if he was going for his regular morning walk. When we asked him about it, he said that he felt no pain whatsoever and that he was only experiencing a lot of energetic sensations all over the body. This was his 4^th time to the course and on the previous three retreats he wasn’t able to go beyond the pain.

Recurrence of past health symptoms

I had this happen during the vipassana retreat. I had some OCD symptoms and panic attack symptoms come up from the past and I understood that they were coming up for clearing. I just had to be detached to these symptoms and they would pass away. They ofcourse did pass away. But it's interesting how the OCD symptoms just showed up during the meditation when I was done with it years back. I spoke to another guy, he had had Asthma in the past and a similar thing happened to him.

He had asthma symptoms come up on one of the days. His usual thing to do, was to force himself to breath deeper when these attacks began. But since this happened on day 6 or 7, he thought it might be worth a try to just be "ok" with the shortness-of-breath symptom that was a precursor to the Asthma attack. And amazingly, the symptoms passed away after a few minutes and he wasn't doing anything, just observing it as another sensation.

Connecting the dots…

1) Mindfulness meditation vs Vipassana meditation

I started meditating regularly in July, last year. I do the mindfulness meditation, which is basically being aware of and being equanimous to whatever phenomenon is going around you at that time. For example, I often hear buses passing by, someone opening the door, and ofcourse the thoughts whizzing by in the mind. By just being aware and being equanimous, it happens that the thoughts tend to settle down after sometime and you feel more peaceful.

In Vipassana, ‘awareness’ and ‘equanimity’ are again the two big principles, but there is also ‘focus’.In Vipassana, one is focusing the mind to observe subtler sensations all over the body and at the same time being equanimous to them . There is also an order of moving from head to toe or toe to head.

In contrast, the mindfulness doesn’t involve focusing, you are just aware of whatever is going on inside and outside of you.

2) Shavasana (Corpse posture) vs Vipassana meditation

In yoga, there is a posture called Shavasana, where one lies like a corpse on the ground, fully relaxing the body. Usually, one starts at the head and mentally relaxes each part of the body all the way down to the toes. There is some resemblance of Shavasana toVipassana in that even in Vipassana one goes from head to toes, but in Vipassana one is not trying to relax, one is trying to be focused on observing sensations on all parts of the body from head to toe equanimously.

3) Vipassana meditation vs a generic meditation technique

In a generic meditation technique, you have an object for meditation. If the object is a mantra, that is repeated through the meditation, it’s called a mantra meditation technique.If the object is the breath, it’s the ana-pana meditation technique. If the object is some dynamic guided imagery, it’s called guided imagery meditation. The idea is that all of these object-based meditation techniques are focused on the mind and have something to do with thoughts.Vipassana on the other hand is totally focused on the sensations on the body, though the mind can play the role of distracting the meditator from doing that. So it's like this, if there are a lot of dramas going in your life, observing the sensations are going to be difficult when you do the vipassana, since your mind is going to be playing out those dramas/scenarios in the mind. But it's the same thing with a mantra-based meditation, you are not going to be able to focus on the mantra. It's mostly the case that when you begin any form of meditation, you are just not able to calm the mind. That's alright, because when you begin to meditate, you realize that the mind has a mind of it's own. That's a good place to begin and slowly with time, the mind will start behaving well and inner peace that always existed but was clouded by all the dramas of the mind, will start showing up more frequently during meditation and will begin extending to even the periods of the day when one is busy.

I hope you have enjoyed reading my experience. For me though, there were times when I thought of quitting the course, but thankfully they were few. Most of the time, I could perceive the benefits, short-term and long-term of practicing this technique. I am thinking of alternating between mindfulness and vipassana meditation for now. Let's see how it goes.

Favorite fruits

Lately, I have been trying out new fruits. Some of my favorite ones:

From India:

Guava, Orange, Grapes,Dates, Supota (Chikku fruit),mangoes,palmyra fruit(munjal in telugu and nongu in Tamil) and Water melon.

Tried In US:

Blueberries, Figs, Avocados, pears, plums, and green apples.

I can't really pick one favorite, all of these are my favorites. Each has a unique taste and texture that I relish.

The really juicy ones:

Plums,mangoes, water melon, and palymra fruit. The palmyra fruit when tender contains a lot of sweet nectar and is very cool, sweet, and refreshing during the summer.

Mangoes in India ofcourse have a lot of varieties, some of them very juicy, some of them not so juicy, but when spiced up are really tasty.

I usually have the Mango nectar juice purchased from Trader joes. It's really cool.

The really sweet ones:

Chikku comes up big on this one. I really like a ripe Chikku, and Chikku juice was my favorite fruit juice drink during my undergrad.

Palymra fruit and dates are also pretty sweet.

Spicing it up

Have you ever tried cutting up a green apple into small pieces and seasoning it with salt and pepper. The sweet, bitter, salty, and peppery flavor is awesome.

I tried this out at the 10 day vipassana meditation retreat during tea time.

Observing the thought cycle

So lately I have been observing the thought cycle. I meditate during the nights and in the morning.

Do some breathing exercises (pranayama) and then just observe the thoughts or observe the screen in front of my forehead (inner space).

During the rest of the day, I usually use a mantra.

Mantra is pretty useful. Here are a few benefits I have observed:

1) The primary role of mantra that I have observed is that it acts as a reference thought to observe other thoughts that go in your mind. For example, if your mantra is peace. You would repeat it silently in your mind often, so that whenever a negative thought or a thought of lower vibration comes up in your mind, your mantra acts as a contrast to that negative thought and you immediately switch your focus back to the mantra. Negative thoughts could be fears, worries, anxieties, resentment, past hurts, regrets, revenge,etc,etc.

If you don't have a reference thought or a mantra, you can get caught up in these negative thoughts without realizing that you have been caught up. These negative thoughts are like a trap.. They trap you into thinking that it is important to think about them or else... (fear based thoughts). So you think about them, till you get tired or have some thing important to do. Then you get back to your fears and worries. Many a times, these fears and worries come out as a habit of the mind.

2) A mantra makes you realize that with less negative thoughts in your mind, peace comes to the surface naturally. It's like, oh, so my fears and worries were keeping me away from happiness and peace. Why the heck do I have these worries and other negative thoughts anyway?

So, a mantra brings you back to that awareness of the insignificance of these thoughts.

The worries and fears might loom large, they might call on to you. They might say, 'Oh, hey you, you must focus on me. This is important. You must find a solution to this. Or else...(some negative outcome)'. A mantra then brings you back to the present moment and makes these worries and fears insignificant.

3) A mantra makes you aware of how much time you spend thinking negative thoughts, even sometimes without being aware that you are. It becomes so unconscious. You see a person you don't like, and immediately there are some negative thoughts that go through your mind.

Something didn't happen as you expected, and you mull over it, you bring in your worries and fears to that situation. Many of these negative thought patterns are subconsious and automatic, it's like we have programmed ourselves to think negatively when there are certain external triggers. Mantra helps in releasing these reactionary patterns and brings you back to present.

Some people think that when you chant a mantra such as 'Om namah shivaya', you would be trying to please Lord Shiva into give you want you want. That is not why you would chant that mantra. Shiva represents the qualities of detachment, stillness, and peace that are already within you. If you really want something from Shiva, focus on these qualities that Shiva represents that are already within you when you chant the mantra.. Feel that peace, feel that clarity and stillness when you stop paying attention to negative thoughts by chanting the mantra in your mind.

Letting go of worries and fears completely or not?!

So this is where the cycle begins. Ok, so you have this mantra going in your head to make you more aware of what's actually going on in your head! And, now what? What if there is a fear or worry that crops up due to something that just happened? It seems so urgent, this fear or worry, it seems so important. Can I focus on it just a little bit... a teeny-weeny bit?

May be I can. Ok, so mantra on hold! Let's focus for one minute. Is this fear real? Can it actually happen? Oh may be it can. Oh shit, I better do something about it! And at this moment, we have again begun the process of perpetuating the cycle of negative thoughts in the mind.

A few hours later, you are like, 'oh my god', I have gotten completely off-track. I have been mulling on my fears and worries, and have been distracted from my work! Let's get back to mantra. For the rest of today, I am going to make sure that my mind is on the mantra, nowhere else. The next day, you see someone you haven't seen in a while, again the mind presses you to focus on the negativity through a memory related to that- regrets, hurts, revenge! It's important the mind says, I must take revenge for what this person did to me! The ego also begins to press you, since it's getting a lift. Oh yeah, I am getting my revenge!

Another cycle has begun, you have gotten off the mantra and onto this 'revenge thing' and then an hour later you realize, oh I am off-track.

So the question is, can you just totally cut through this cycle of mantra to negativity to mantra and just have the mantra all through bringing you peace? We don't allow ourselves this priviledge, because of the subconsious reactions to sensory inputs. It takes a while, quite a while before the cycles begin to shorten, i.e. you begin to realize that you are in the negativity trap quicker than before and then switch to the mantra. So that's where I am aiming at.

I have been thinking to myself, I just want to let go of my fears,worries, and other negative baggage completely and just have the mantra on or just have peaceful thoughts on. Am I willing to do that? What will stop me from doing that? The answer is my fears!!! Plain and simple.

I do want to let go of my fears completely. This is where I am headed. It's going to happen: Maybe today, maybe a month later, but definitely soon.

On Thoughts

Some great reminders/articles from heaven letters on thinking:

1) http://www.heavenletters.org/god-wants-us-to-make-his-thoughts-our-own.html

2) http://www.heavenletters.org/by-your-thoughts.html

3) http://www.heavenletters.org/think-like-god.html

4) http://www.heavenletters.org/speak-a-new-language.html

5) http://www.heavenletters.org/node/1330

6) http://www.heavenletters.org/the-importance-of-how-you-feel.html\

7)http://www.heavenletters.org/beauteous-light.html

8) http://www.heavenletters.org/new-thoughts-await-you.html

9) http://www.heavenletters.org/the-umbrella-of-your-thoughts.html

10) http://www.heavenletters.org/only-the-small-self-criticizes.html

11) http://www.heavenletters.org/bless.html

12) http://www.heavenletters.org/let-go-of-lists-of-errors.html

13) http://www.heavenletters.org/let-your-thoughts-rise.html

14) http://www.heavenletters.org/let-go.html

Summary:

1) The more you think of certain kinds of thoughts, the more you attract them.

For example, the more you fear or worry, the more you have those thoughts as the days go by and the easier your reality will reflect these thoughts.

2) Thoughts are like an investment. You always want to make a good investment to reap good margins in the future. Similarly, always invest in good thoughts, uplifting thoughts, joyful thoughts. Don't engage fears, worries, regrets, resentments, hatred, malice, etc. They are a trap.

While you are engaged in these negativities it feels like you are taking revenge or seeing through other people. But the other side of the coin is, these thoughts will keep you distracted from the reality for a longer time as you keep mulling over them. Also fearing something a lot attracts exactly what you fear into your life. And then you will say, 'This is exactly what I feared would happen'. So the flashbulb should go off, to realize that you must stop fearing or worrying. Period.

3) It's not easy to stop worrying or stop fearing even though you want to. It has become a habit to reflect on fears and worries, so that even if you don't want them, they may not stop.

The idea then is to deflect the mind to peaceful thoughts, happy thoughts or a mantra. And reflect more and more on these peaceful thoughts or mantras during your free time, so that you move away from worries, fears and other negativities.

My deepest desire

Is to have constant inner peace. It's a definite possibility that I am moving towards.

Having inner peace doesn't mean you are sitting idle. It doesn't mean you are not focused or can't be focused at the same time.

Inner peace is a place of clarity. It is a place of wonderful well-being. It is a place of joy, an inner joy that gets expressed through ones actions, ones words. Inner peace is a state of being as comfy as home, as inviting as a bathtub, as clear as the blue sky.

Inner peace supports everything, it is a pillar of inner strength that can withstand any storm with calm. Inner peace is the eye of every storm.

Having inner peace means that you have cut out worries and fears from your life, it means that whatever you do, you do it with total focus and thus you become very productive at work with that state of inner peace. Inner peace knows no stress. Having constant inner peace doesn't mean, you have become a monk, although that is a great thing to aspire for. Having inner peace means that you are comfortable with yourself, with people around you, with the situation you find yourself in. Inner peace is knowing that things are perfect as they are. Inner peace is moving easily through life.

Inner peace to me is what I have been searching for all my life, without sometimes realizing it.

Meditation,prayer,contemplation,books,and blogging are my means to get closer and closer to a state of constant inner peace.

Inner peace is my deepest desire, everything else is a bonus.