musings of a seeker

Involuntary Body Movements: Part II

2011-12-22T04:32:00.000-08:00

This can be considered a follow-up post to this one. The previous post was on my experiences of involuntary movements during the start of my meditation journey 3 years back. It was quite intriguing to me, since it was clear to me that I was not causing the involuntary movements (by definition!). I could stop these movements at will, but it was as if a gentle hand would again begin the movements in precise directions and curves!
Fast-forward 3 years later, I am a busy graduate student moving towards the end of my Phd, wishing for more time to do research every day - But at the same time balancing my life with meditation and physical activity........

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I just finished a busy quarter where I set more goals than I could manage. However, I am getting better in planning and organizing my work to achieve my goals more effectively. No sooner did my quarter end,
I took off for a conference to Spain. I had a wonderful time there after which I spent a wonderful 4 days in Germany (specifically Frankfurt and Tuebingen). I consider this post-conference time a retreat time.
I meditated everyday for about 3-4 hours spread out through the day coupled with lots of rest and good food. Invariably, I would get up at around 3 in the morning most of these days. I was alternating Mantra based meditation (which activates my third-eye chakra) with Mindfulness of Breath meditation. I experienced quite a bit of:
a) Involuntary neck rotations: This seemed like a warm-up for what was to come!
b) Involuntary movements from the torso and above - Mostly circular rotations with center at the base of my spine.
c) Sinusoidal movements of my upper torso - Akin to a Snake standing up and waving about when it encouters something in its path.
d) Backward and Forward bends of my torso - This is amazing to witness. I am accustomed to rotations of the torso. But yesterday night, I felt an involuntary movement of the body where the torso started moving in downward spiral but then there was no rebound - That is I was just going down - This is the position I was finally in at the end of this movement: Yoga Mudra.

Although in the beginning, my focus was on the mantra and breath, as soon as these movements began, I could only observe what was happening - I was a witness to this cleansing process - To this rise of energy in my being. The sensations were usually pleasant. Even now as I type, I feel pressure at the center of my forehead and if I close my eyes, my body gently sways.
Where is all of this leading to? I don't know. However, what amazes me is the physiology of how this happens . In spiritual terms, these involuntary movements are associated with the awakening of Kundalini Energy.
However, what is the source of this energy? How does it act? What are some necessary conditions for this to happen? These are open questions for the scientific community, although the scientific community has a long way to go towards investigating these fundamental questions.
What I do understand from the 'spiritual perspective' is that the Kundalini Energy is inherent in everyone and starts to become awakened when the person has invested sufficient time in personal growth. What is the purpose of this awakening? In spiritual parlance, the awakening symbolizes the move towards a greater evolution of the human consciousness, towards inner peace and world peace, towards joy and greater fulfillment in life and beyond.

Music and meditation

2011-11-05T11:05:00.001-07:00

Introduction
I have experimented with a few different meditations so far: Breath-based mindfulness (Ana-pana-sati), mantra based (chanting a mantra in the mind), visualization based meditation (imagining balls or columns of light). With regard to meditation and music, I have tried meditating to slow devotional music with different degrees of success (in terms of calming the mind).

A personal experience
A couple of days back, there was a meditation group hosted by a bunch of UW undergrads with a good attendance. At one point, one of the people

present in the room started playing the clarinet. We had our eyes closed and just a few seconds before the music began, I started getting a pleasant sensation at the middle of the forehead (corresponding to the eye-brow or ajna chakra). The pleasant sensation stayed on throughout the time he was playing clarinet. I didn't want to come out of the meditation after the music stopped, just being absorbed in that sensation seemed good enough at that moment. Towards the end, the guy was surprised when I mentioned this to him and let me know that he had played the clarinet to the ``Bhupali Raag'' and that it was supposed to help stimulate the eye-brow point. I am not sure if this particular Raag is assoicated with this, but my meditative experience with the music was crisp and clear.

I have dabbled with the Native American Flute in the past and it has always given me a soothing feeling during the meditation. Perhaps I should start playing the flute more regularly.

On Death

2011-11-02T18:22:00.001-07:00

Death is a great leveller. Rich, poor, famous, average Joe - All kinds of people have to face one thing - Their own death.

My uncle, whom I greatly admired for his will power in getting things done and who I had a close relationship with, passed away recently.

I am sad about his death. He was in his 70's and he had helped a lot of my relatives with their personal problems including my own family. He was a man of great will power, was very organized in life and a stickler to his routine. He has helped and inspired a lot of people I know.

I understand that death happens to everyone. I believe in life after death. I believe that death is to the body and not to the soul. My belief in this has recently strengthened due to a few out of body experiences I have had. I believe my uncle has passed on to another realm, another place, another time. My prayers to him, that he be happy and joyful wherever he is.

Death of some one we know reminds us that we have finite time on earth.
Every moment is precious. Let us use every moment towards what we really wish to do in life. Towards our highest idea of what we think is a life worth living. Towards our greatest desires. Towards our greatest love. For there is not a minute to spare and we know not when death can come knocking.
If I were to live as if today was my last, I would have no regrets passing away tomorrow - I would have enjoyed my stay on earth and perhaps it was time for me to move on.

Let us therefore enjoy our stay on earth, devoting our efforts and time towards what we love doing in life whether that be research, music, hiking or one of the gazillion things one can do while on earth.

A prayer

2010-09-18T01:31:00.000-07:00

Here's my heartfelt prayer:

May I see the good in everyone I meet
May I be more open to learning from people
May all people have inner peace
May I have wonderful thoughts and intentions for people I interact with
May I be an instrument of the divine
May I be easy on myself and others
May we all resolve conflict through a peaceful means and
a win-win approach.

Om shanti shanti shantihi
Om peace peace peace

A note on mindfulness meditation

2010-06-26T22:53:00.001-07:00

Introduction:

Mindfulness meditation is a deceptively simple practice and yet very useful.

Neuroscientists and behaviorists(google MBSR, MBCT to know more) find it greatly helps people who are stressed out and also people suffering from anxiety based disorders (OCD, etc). I personally overcame OCD through mindfulness meditation 7 years back.

Mindfulness meditation can also help people in general manage their stress levels and keep them grounded. Mindfulness meditation is definitely helping me with managing stress in grad school.

Ofcourse, meditation in general(of any kind) is a very useful thing to do on a daily basis. However, mindfulness meditation is especially useful for people who find it difficult to concentrate.

Here's a simple practice:

1) Sit down some place - On the chair or on the ground.

2) Gently scan your body from head to toe and as you do this mental scan, feel your body relax - You can also say the word 'Relax' in your mind as you do the scan.

3) Now, keep your eyes open and just observe the sensations going around you

- These sensations could be the sound of a car outside, the groaning of the refrigerator, your own THOUGHTS, itching sensations in the body - The whole idea is to passively observe these sensations. As far as possible, observe these sensations without making any judgements in your mind. Think of yourself as a passive spectator observing these sensations around you.

Don't try to curb your thoughts or even guide them. Let them run through. You are just a passive spectator.

4) If you are comfortable with this process of passive observation, you can begin doing it with your eyes closed.

Some Comments:

You will slowly notice that as you are going on with this passive observation, you become more relaxed and grounded. Your passive observation process will bring to light the restless nature of the mind!!! Your thoughts might be flying high in your mind, yet you feel more relaxed than before. With practice, the thoughts will also start to settle down.

When I began this practice 2 years back - My thoughts were going zip,zap,zoom. But the interesting thing was, my thoughts would settle down slowly as I became regular at my practice.

As the days went by, I found that my mind was starting to calm down quicker.

A few months later, I had a meditation session, where my mind settled down quickly and the peace thereafter was wonderful. There was a sea of change from the mind I began with and the mind I was experiencing a few months later. However, to sustain this calmness, I found that a regular practice is essential. For me a daily meditation practice is indispensable in keeping me grounded through the rigors of graduate school. The feeling of release of stress when I meditate before going to bed is wonderful. If you are reading this sentence, I highly recommend this meditation practice(or any suitable meditation practice that you are attracted to).

Duration:

You can begin with 10 minutes. And as you progress, you can increase the duration depending on your comfort levels. I have time for about 30 minutes of meditation everyday morning and night.

OCD and Mindfulness meditation

2010-06-21T12:21:00.000-07:00

1) Introduction

Obsessive Compulsive disorder is a disorder caused due to a stuck circuit in the brain.

More specifically, the neuronal circuit between: orbital frontal cortex, caudate nucleus and anterior cingulate cortex is on overdrive.

The orbital frontal cortex is the part of frontal cortex that is associated with detecting errors or 'something is wrong' in the environment. This area is on overdrive in people with OCD and hence there is always a feeling that something is wrong. The circuit moves onto the cingulate cortex which is associated with compulsion, which makes the people with OCD act compulsively whenever they have a feeling of 'something is wrong'.

In Neuroscience, there is a classical phrase: 'Neurons that fire together wire together'.

When the feeling of 'something is wrong' is followed by a compulsion to do something (e.g. twitch the hand or some other action)... This sequence gets hard wired in the brain (stronger neural connection).

However, through mindful response... E.g. following 'something is wrong' by a relaxing activity instead of the compulsive action, the circuit is remodeled into something that is more benign.

Ofcourse in the beginning, this mindful action is difficult because of the hard-wiring of the circuit.

But with practice, the circuit weakens and stops bothering the person as much.

2) My experience

I had OCD during my senior high school and first two years of college. In the beginning(first 6 months), it was a gruelling experience. I didn't know why I had these obsessive thoughts that were so troublesome. Ofcourse, I didn't know at that point that it was a stuck circuit. My only respite from these 'something is wrong' thoughts was sleep. A psychiatrist prescribed a tranquilizing drug(fludac) - I think it had an affect on my visual cortex area or the areas related to imagination - Because, since then I have had trouble visualizing(in my mind) objects clearly. Ofcourse, the drug did help make the thoughts less menacing. I think these drugs fall under the class of SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors). Sertonin is a natural biochemical that has a calming influence on the brain.

In my second year of college, I attended a 3 day workshop on mindfulness meditation and other breath based techniques.

I remember clearly, the instructions was to observe my thoughts passively without any commentary or reaction. It was hard, these thoughts had given me a lot of trouble - But I tried anyway. I soon found (a few days later), that my condition was getting better.

I continued my practice of mindfulness meditation and also took up running everyday.

Within 6 months, I was a different person. The obsessive thoughts no longer bothered me (circuit had weakened quite a bit) and I was out of depression (which was also a problem during that time). Further more, running gave me a lot of energy and enthusiasm for life.

It was quite a recovery!! There were small relapses(whose frequency began to diminish), but I knew what to do - be responsive (instead of being compulsive or reactive), mindfully.

3) Neuro-plasticity

It is quite a remarkable thing that a person can change the neuronal circuits in the brain merely through a different mental/physical response. This phenomenon of changeability of neuronal circuits in the brain is known as neuro-plasticity. Neuro-plasticity is supposed to be at its peak during childhood(where the brain is very mouldable and adaptable). This ability does continue with age (although to a lesser degree).

I was reading a book on The mind and the brain: Neuroplasiticity and the power of mental force by Jefferey M. Schwartz and Sharon Begley. The detailed description of what happens in a OCD patient as given in the book is fascinating. I can put together what I experienced with what happens chemically in the brain as described in the book for a better picture of what was going on with me.

Neuroplasticity as a concept is very fascinating as it puts the responsibility for a good life squarely on oneself(ones mind and brain). Don't like your life? - Change your brain by changing your actions and thoughts and voila, neuronal circuits change and you act more responsibly. Ofcourse these changes in actions and thoughts have to be made consistently, so that benign circuits are preferred over malign circuits. Are you very emotional and worried? Perhaps your amygdala is on overdrive or your basal gangila is on overdrive. Solution: Either drugs(with side-effects) or mindfulness meditation(also a host of other alternatives). The latter has no side effects and can help bring in neuronal circuits that are conducive for a more peaceful and clear mind.

4) Questions, questions and more questions!

A very fundamental question that arises (also asked in the book mentioned above) is this:

Is the mind different from the brain? This question arises easily in the case of OCD.

In the case of a mindful response, it was as if my mind was willing a different response to my obsessive thoughts that was followed up by the brain so that the brain was beginning to rewire accordingly. If the mind is indeed different from the brain - Where is the seat of the mind?

Is it a phenomenon of the brain - Is it a higher level abstraction of the brain functions? Or is it something that is fundamentally immaterial - not made up of matter. This is also a question of fundamental physics - String theory claims that the fundamental essence of matter is energy - Which is immaterial. So is mind some abstract form of energy that is immaterial. If so, can it function independently of the body-brain framework? If it can, then we can begin to ask questions on what happens to this mind after death? And thus, we enter a whole new realm that science hasn't dared to enter yet.

My first lucid dream with flying (and love-making)

2010-02-09T18:50:00.000-08:00

Today I woke up at 5:00 am and was just lying around in the bed drifting back into sleep but not able to. Somewhere around 6:30 am, I was lying down on my back and sensed something strange. Now, lying down on the back when you are deeply relaxed is a powerful way to go out of body or lucid!!

So I was lying down on the bed and my eyes were getting heavier... I was staring at the ceiling.

And then I noticed that my legs started cycling rhythmically for no reason!!!

I touched the 'touch' light stand near me to see if I was dreaming - The first touch turned the light on... The other touches had no effect when they should have!!! So perhaps I had just woken up from sleep and was still partly astral and perhaps that was my astral hand doing the touching. Perhaps!

My eyes were getting heavier... So I closed my eyes and immediately.... I woke up quickly... I knew this was astral wake up or out-of-body wake up!!! Remember, that when this happened, it was dark around!

But the momentum wasn't sustained... So I went back to lying position and I sat up again and this time I woke up completely - standing up... It seems like I was out of body!!! I was so excited... I knew that I was out of body or in a lucid dream... And my impulse was to run... So I ran and the scenery changed... I was in another room.... And I saw a glass window in front of me... I was hesitant to go through the closed window... But I knew I was astral, so I went through it anyway and joy of joy... I was on the second floor of a building and ready to jump... And I jumped and glided gently down to the ground with my body horizontal and hovering above the ground. I got up and decided to fly. So I said to myself.... light, light, fly and I slowly lifted up....

It seemed to me like I was in the downtown of some city(I actually live in Greenlake, Seattle - not close to downtown) and so I was flying and enjoying it... Because I was aware that I was dreaming... I observed the buildings around me.. Some of them were in a bad shape... But there were other sky scrapers and they looked good.

I then thought, oh maybe I could visit my guides.

The scenery changed and I was in a bus?? Right next to me a woman and there were more people coming in. The next thing I knew, I was having sex with this woman next to me... Man, it felt so real..After a few moments of passionate sex, I woke up for real, refreshed and taking in deep breaths.... That was one heck of a lucid dream with flying and love making!

So in the beginning I was aware that I was 'out of body' or perhaps 'lucid' but towards the end.. I had partial awareness... Since I was caught up in ahem.. love making.

But all the same, this is great progress for me in lucid dreaming :)

Let 2010 bring peace, joy and fulfillment

2009-12-31T17:42:00.000-08:00

May all beings have inner peace so that they make decisions from a place of clarity.

May all beings have inner peace so that they face all circumstances in life with poise.

May all beings have inner peace so that they may spread the peace to one another.

May all beings have inner peace so that we have world peace.

May all beings have joy in whatever they do and spread the joy all around.

May all beings enjoy life on earth despite its' twists and turns.

May all beings spread joy through their being in joy.

May all beings find fulfillment in their work, whatever it may be.

Here's wishing peace, joy and fulfillment for everyone in the year of 2010.

A state of balance and inner peace

2009-12-10T14:28:00.000-08:00

I. Introduction

I have been to extremes, rather I should say I began exploring the extremes in my college life.

I experienced incredible freedom in my college days at the Indian Institute of Technology(IIT), so much so that I explored the freedom in many possible ways, some constructive, some not so constructive.
Let me give a few examples:

1) Sleep: Till my college days, I was very disciplined in my sleep. Ofcourse, I was living with my family and everyone would go to bed early. So I would sleep by 10 pm or 11 pm, no later than that and get up by 6-7 am.
That all changed in my second or third year in college. I thrilled in sleeping late. I explored sleeping at different times, 2 am,4 am, 6 am, etc. I even took pride in that I could sleep that late and not let my body be affected.
The extreme sleep cycles went on even when I came to Udub to pursue my Phd. I was sometimes sleeping at 11 am in the morning and getting up late in the evening.
At this point, I was desperately trying to stabilize my sleep. It was no longer a thrill. It was no longer a use of my freedom, it was rather a misuse of my freedom.
Freedom comes with responsibility and I was beginning to come to terms with that.

2) Focus: In my college days, I was so thrilled by what I could explore apart from my academics. I explored running, swimming, biking, hiking, spirituality, philosophy and so on. I was just jumping from one to another, tasting one and sipping another without really going deep into anyone of them. Ofcourse, I did take running seriously, but there was no real balance between my extracurricular activities and my academics. I still face the problem of focus, but to a lesser extent now.

What I have realized through my explorations and experiences in life is that
balance is important in life.

II. Different areas in which one can bring about balance

1) Balanced emotions:

Having balanced emotions is a great asset. When one goes from extreme joy to extreme sadness or extreme love to extreme anger, there is a continual dreading of the negative extreme, there is an imbalance that affects decision making, clarity and focus.

On the other hand, when one has balanced emotions, one can be calm even when things outside are upside down and can make quick and effective decisions most of the times.

Balanced emotions can be brought about in many ways including breathing exercises (pranayama), deep relaxation, meditation, and even through an understanding of the need for balance. Forgiving people quickly and sending everyone in your life positive thoughts is another easy way to be in a state of balance.

2) Work-life balance

This is something everyone is working on. For me it has taken some time to realize this. I would go from fully focusing on work during one week to totally taking it easy the next week.

Nowadays, my days start with having positive intentions for the day, meditation and then work.

Coming back, I meditate before going to sleep. I also run over the weekends. I find this to be a much better balance than the life I was leading before.

3) Understanding equanimity and balanced interactions

I just want to point out here that, equanimity is not just being calm when something unwanted happens but it is also being calm and balanced even when something 'fantastic' happens.

Not getting easily excited or perturbed by outside events and being centered and calm when interacting with people who are easily excitable or are perturbed is a sign of an equanimous state of mind.

I have come to understand the following principle and it's potent use in my life.

The principle of balance - A self-regulating mechanism

- Whenever you get perturbed in the mind by some event or some memory or someone's comment or some worry, notice the perturbation and come back to the present.

Note that the ability to quickly notice the perturbations of the mind without exacerbating the perturbations is itself is a big skill that can be acquired with practice.

The next step is to find ways to quickly come back to a state of balance once the perturbation has been noticed.

III. A few quick ways to come back to a balanced state of mind

1) Continual reminders: Remind yourself to be at peace continually. The effect of these reminders is that when there is a 'big perturbation' due to some event or memory, this reminder will play in your mind and you will quickly come out of the 'perturbation' to a state of balance.

2) Continual relaxation: Stress builds with time. Strees in the mind translates as tension in the body. 'Scan' your body frequently. Mentally focus on different parts of the body and sense if there is any tension and relax it. Relaxing the body does affect the mind and helps bring the balance. Sometimes when the mind is perturbed, it's difficult to calm it down. The easiest thing to do at that time would be to 'scan' the body and relax it.

3) Observing the content of your thoughts: When one observes the vacillating nature of one's own mind, you realize that you can either add to that vacillation or stabilize that vacillation

by becoming a passive observer to the thought process. This passive observation brings about balance quickly and helps us understand why we think the way we do and consciously bring about a change to the thinking process.

4) Following the breath: The breath is intricately linked to the state of mind.

When you are angry, you breathe quickly and shallowly. On the other hand, when you are calm and relaxed, you breathe deeply. A technique therefore is to focus on the breathing and observe its rhythm. This observation in itself affects its rhythm and the breath becomes slower and deeper. If there are distracting thoughts, gently bring it back to the breath and continue observing its rhythm.

Symbol of balance:

I just want to mention here, that when I was listening to some peaceful chanting in the night 1 year back, I had a vision of the image displayed at the top of this article. I thought about what this image might mean - I knew that this was a symbol that came up often in Indian films whenever there was a courtroom scene. But then it struck me, ofcourse - This is a symbol of balance - Balancing the scales.

I thank my intuition for this image. I have come a long way since then in balancing my emotions and life and ofcourse, there is always room for improvement.

Here's to balance and inner peace for everyone in the world.

Be an example: Chintz Bana

2009-12-10T14:10:00.000-08:00

Watch the video about the transformation of Chintz Bana, who got a lot of material success but was left with a feeling of emptiness. Watch how he was able to transform that feeling through breathing techniques learnt through Art of living and service to help transform prisoners.
Watch it here.

Talking about synchornicities....

2009-11-13T21:31:00.000-08:00

Synchronicity: Coincidence of events that seem to be meaningfully related, conceived in Jungian theory as an explanatory principle on the same order as causality.

Now that we have that definition out, let me state some synchronicities that have happened of late...

I was at the PCC store at Greenlake deciding what to buy from the bulk items, when I came across an ionized water dispenser that was selling water for cheap. I was just looking at that dispenser and reading some stuff when the song that was playing at the background changed to tune that was familiar. As I was placing what that tune was similar to, I was reminded of this beautiful song by the band called Indian Ocean. The lyrics of the song came in again... 'Maa rewa, tharo pani nirmal, khal khal behko jayo re' meaning, ' Oh beautiful river, your water is so pure, and you glide along gently'. The synchronicity ofcourse was that my buying water coinciding with the song in the background that was similar to the one by Indian Ocean on appreciating the purity of water of Narmada river.

B) Today I went to the east west bookstore to a talk by Margaret Carson about the 'Healing of waters' and we did some guided meditations imagining the purification of water we held in a glass. Silly as this exercise may seem, there is some research done by Masaru emoto showing that the crystals of water form beautiful or deformed shapes depending on the kind of messages(good or bad) posted on the container in which they are held after a period of time..This person at the talk seemed very passionate about the ocean and healing of the ocean so we did a guided meditation imagining that we are at an ocean doing just that.. The experience felt good. Now, here's where the synchronicity kicks in: Towards the end of the talk, we did one last guided meditation where we held water in a glass in front of us and send it our positive intentions and thoughts. While I was doing this, this song by Indian Ocean came to my mind. After the meditation, while sharing experiences, I mentioned this song(actually sang the first line) and it's meaning. The lady at the talk was surprised. She also mentioned that during the guided meditation, a thought came up to her that there would be 'a song' and she was like, 'What song?'. And also, the song is by Indian Ocean while the talk was about purifying water and in particular her passion for ocean. I love these synchronicities, even mathematically their probability is relatively small(i.e. probability of two independent events happening simultaneously = product of probability of the two events happening).

My 10 day vipassana meditation experience

2009-08-16T19:43:00.000-07:00

I did the Vipassana meditation retreat between 16th july - 26th july. In short, it was a roller-coaster ride. The ride was ofcourse in the mind . It’s interesting to note that as we go about our daily lives, we look at external objects, people and issue out reactions or responses. But observing your own body, your own mind, can some useful information be gained, can a new perspective be gained, can you actually even go looking for the root cause of misery by looking within? These are some questions that have fascinated me and these 10 days were my time for focused observation of the body and mind to possibly answer these questions or atleast get some perspectives.

I have got a few insights and many experiences to reflect on(those I have reflected on, I have applied the lessons learnt with good benefits so far).

Talking to different people at the end of the retreat, I realized that everyones’ experience is different and unique. If you are interested, you can go ahead and read some details from my experience (it’s long!) .

The Setting

A beautiful field of wild yellow-green grass surrounded by tall trees, in the middle of which lies three buildings(meditation hall, men’s dorms and a dining cum women’s dorms). Located in Onalaska, it’s 2 hrs drive south of Seattle. I was surprised that three-quarters of the people at the retreat were below the age of 35. I then learnt the reason..It's summer!

Boredom

So my first impressions of the meditation routine was that it’s boring. I mean, think about it, 8-10 hrs of meditation everyday. And you are doing the same meditation for atleast 3 days before changing the technique. You get up at 4:30 am and you get to bed at 9:30 pm. There are many meditation sessions in between with some rest periods thrown in, but it's all meditation. You go back from the meditation hall to your residence, and people start walking slowly being aware of each step, oh yeah - The walking meditation. You are having your food, and you are totally focused on what you are eating - No paper in hand or laptop on the lap - So that's mindfulness meditation while eating. Ofcourse, we were to maintain complete silence for 10 days, so no getting distracted by talking to other meditators. So you see it's the ideal environment to meditate and also to get bored with meditation.

It’s like there is only one restaurant in town and you go there to order food:

“Excuse me sir, I would like to order some food”.

‘Sure, we got an ‘All you can eat’ buffet today, and as always, it’s free’.

“Oh wow, what’s on the menu?”

‘We got two delicious items – The group meditation and individual meditation. The group meditation has to be consumed within the premises, but you can ‘take out’ the individual one’.

“Oh ok”.

At the end of my first day, it was refreshing to have a different experience than boredom: As we came out of the meditation hall, we saw a mother deer with her two recently born kids jumping around merrily. It was an awesome sight, complementing the beauty of the place.

Sensations

The vipassana technique is all about observing sensations on your body ‘equanimously’.

The first 3 days, we observe the breath, which is the ana-pana-sati(incoming outgoing breath awareness) technique. We also narrowed down our focus to a triangular region around the nose to observe sensations. The idea is that there are always sensations on every part of the body, but we may not be aware of them because the mind hasn’t been trained to look for them. So, by observing a triangular region around the nose, I was able to observe two different sensations. One was an itching sensation and the other a tingling sensation. These sensations are impermanent, they arise and pass away.

So we get the idea that there are sensations (some perceptible, some subliminal – depending on the mind’s sharpness) all over the body and that these sensations arise and pass away.

Now, what’s observing sensations got to do with peace of mind?

The idea is that when we crave for something, let’s say chocolate, what we are actually craving for is the sensation that we get on the body when we have chocolate. And when one craves for chocolate and can’t have it for some reason, one can get upset or irritated. The idea is that one is upset because one craves for the sensation on the body that arises when you have chocolate.

Similarly, when one hates something, the idea is that one hates the sensation that happens on the body when that object comes into your view.

What if one remains calm or equanimous to these sensations on the body instead of craving for them or having an aversion for them? This idea of equanimity to sensations is the basis behind the Vipassana technique and that’s the core practice we do during the last 5 days of the course.

It’s amazing what sensations can be observed when the mind is trained to look for them.

Personally, I was able to observe tingling sensations all over my head and palms of my hands. And over the rest of the body, I was able to observe a few sensations here and there.

One important idea is that even pain can be viewed as a sensation. And if you can remain equanimous to pain, it can stop having that big of an effect of you. For example, when one has severe pain in the leg, the physical pain one feels is exacerbated by the mental reaction.. ‘Oh pain, oh severe pain. I don’t like this pain.. I want to get rid of it. What do I do?’. The mind in it’s reaction of aversion to this ‘sensation of pain’ increases the suffering one feels when one has this pain. On the other hand, the mind could have been equanimous..’Yes there is severe pain, let’s see how long it lasts. Let me not get affected by it’. This is an easy thing to say, but not easy to act, as I discovered.

The sitting

On day 5, we were introduced to this adhittana sitting or a sitting of strong determination. In this group sitting, you are not supposed to move even a single part of the body for an hour. Days 5 and 6 were pretty much a struggle for everyone. We would all get up limping and groaning. We had three such sittings every day since day 5. On day 5, I could manage two sittings without movement. On day 6, I thought I would be brave and not use any cushion and just sit on the floor. These guys provide you will all sorts of cushion of all sizes,firmness, and shape to make your meditation comfortable and I decided not to use it on that day! Why?? Because I figured that I am anyway going to observe sensations which include pain, how does it matter if the pain is shallow or deep, I am going to be observing it anyway. I managed two sittings with grit and determination, but the third sitting, it was difficult for me to even sit down, let alone not move. My legs were shot that day, and I was careful from day 7 to make myself comfortable with cushions. I figured, I could try out the no-cushions thing another day.

Moving beyond pain

On Day 9 of the course, we were sitting in one of those hour long group meditations where you are not supposed to move any part of the body and maintain your posture. It can seem like torture to an outsider, since the pain in the legs can get intense with 1 hr of sitting with no movement. But to a vipassana meditator, the pain is supposed to be just another sensation!

45 minutes into the 1 hr sitting, my calf muscles in my left leg were becoming more and more painful and I, as a good vipassanameditator was trying to observe the pain ‘objectively’. So I examined the pain… Where is it centered? It’s in the center of the calf muscle. Ok what kind of a pain is it.. It’s a mildly intense pain on the verge of becoming a severely intense pain. Alright, what’s it’s nature? It’s a pulsating/radiating pain that arises and passes away every second.

At this point I also had pains centered in my knees and my thighs. So it was an interesting experience for me in trying to characterize pain in one part of the body, when ‘other pains’ are calling for your attention.

So I surveyed the pain objectively and moved on to other parts of the body to examine sensations there. Suddenly, I felt a warm rush of vibrations in my left leg. I examined what was going and I found that the ‘gross calf pain’ that was intense had faded away to the background and was replaced by these pleasant ‘warm vibrations’ in my leg. This was my first experience of pain – a gross sensation dissolving into subtler sensations through objective equanimous observation of pain.

In Vipassana meditation, it’s a sign of progress to have gross sensations such as pain in the body to be replaced by subtler sensations such as tingling sensations, since that means two things: Your mind is getting sharper in being able to observe subtler sensations and that you have been able to develop equanimity to pain, which is not easy.

Implications

We usually think of pain as something unwanted, something to be gotten rid of. But when you change your perspective on pain and think of it as a sensation that could be observed without aversion, as something that can be observed objectively, waawaveeva, you can have this pain fading away.

I spoke to other meditators to see if they had similar experiences. One guy in his 50’s had sciatic pain in his back that was always present. But during the 10 day course, once he started observing the pain objectively, the pain would pass away and come back. Not having pain, even for a short period was a big relief for him.

Another guy had an amazing story. At the end of every 1 hr group sitting with no change of posture, we would all get up limping and groaning. But this guy would get up and just walk away with big strides and a smile as if he was going for his regular morning walk. When we asked him about it, he said that he felt no pain whatsoever and that he was only experiencing a lot of energetic sensations all over the body. This was his 4^th time to the course and on the previous three retreats he wasn’t able to go beyond the pain.

Recurrence of past health symptoms

I had this happen during the vipassana retreat. I had some OCD symptoms and panic attack symptoms come up from the past and I understood that they were coming up for clearing. I just had to be detached to these symptoms and they would pass away. They ofcourse did pass away. But it's interesting how the OCD symptoms just showed up during the meditation when I was done with it years back. I spoke to another guy, he had had Asthma in the past and a similar thing happened to him.

He had asthma symptoms come up on one of the days. His usual thing to do, was to force himself to breath deeper when these attacks began. But since this happened on day 6 or 7, he thought it might be worth a try to just be "ok" with the shortness-of-breath symptom that was a precursor to the Asthma attack. And amazingly, the symptoms passed away after a few minutes and he wasn't doing anything, just observing it as another sensation.

Connecting the dots…

1) Mindfulness meditation vs Vipassana meditation

I started meditating regularly in July, last year. I do the mindfulness meditation, which is basically being aware of and being equanimous to whatever phenomenon is going around you at that time. For example, I often hear buses passing by, someone opening the door, and ofcourse the thoughts whizzing by in the mind. By just being aware and being equanimous, it happens that the thoughts tend to settle down after sometime and you feel more peaceful.

In Vipassana, ‘awareness’ and ‘equanimity’ are again the two big principles, but there is also ‘focus’.In Vipassana, one is focusing the mind to observe subtler sensations all over the body and at the same time being equanimous to them . There is also an order of moving from head to toe or toe to head.

In contrast, the mindfulness doesn’t involve focusing, you are just aware of whatever is going on inside and outside of you.

2) Shavasana (Corpse posture) vs Vipassana meditation

In yoga, there is a posture called Shavasana, where one lies like a corpse on the ground, fully relaxing the body. Usually, one starts at the head and mentally relaxes each part of the body all the way down to the toes. There is some resemblance of Shavasana toVipassana in that even in Vipassana one goes from head to toes, but in Vipassana one is not trying to relax, one is trying to be focused on observing sensations on all parts of the body from head to toe equanimously.

3) Vipassana meditation vs a generic meditation technique

In a generic meditation technique, you have an object for meditation. If the object is a mantra, that is repeated through the meditation, it’s called a mantra meditation technique.If the object is the breath, it’s the ana-pana meditation technique. If the object is some dynamic guided imagery, it’s called guided imagery meditation. The idea is that all of these object-based meditation techniques are focused on the mind and have something to do with thoughts.Vipassana on the other hand is totally focused on the sensations on the body, though the mind can play the role of distracting the meditator from doing that. So it's like this, if there are a lot of dramas going in your life, observing the sensations are going to be difficult when you do the vipassana, since your mind is going to be playing out those dramas/scenarios in the mind. But it's the same thing with a mantra-based meditation, you are not going to be able to focus on the mantra. It's mostly the case that when you begin any form of meditation, you are just not able to calm the mind. That's alright, because when you begin to meditate, you realize that the mind has a mind of it's own. That's a good place to begin and slowly with time, the mind will start behaving well and inner peace that always existed but was clouded by all the dramas of the mind, will start showing up more frequently during meditation and will begin extending to even the periods of the day when one is busy.

I hope you have enjoyed reading my experience. For me though, there were times when I thought of quitting the course, but thankfully they were few. Most of the time, I could perceive the benefits, short-term and long-term of practicing this technique. I am thinking of alternating between mindfulness and vipassana meditation for now. Let's see how it goes.

Favorite fruits

2009-08-14T22:10:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been trying out new fruits. Some of my favorite ones:

From India:

Guava, Orange, Grapes,Dates, Supota (Chikku fruit),mangoes,palmyra fruit(munjal in telugu and nongu in Tamil) and Water melon.

Tried In US:

Blueberries, Figs, Avocados, pears, plums, and green apples.

I can't really pick one favorite, all of these are my favorites. Each has a unique taste and texture that I relish.

The really juicy ones:

Plums,mangoes, water melon, and palymra fruit. The palmyra fruit when tender contains a lot of sweet nectar and is very cool, sweet, and refreshing during the summer.

Mangoes in India ofcourse have a lot of varieties, some of them very juicy, some of them not so juicy, but when spiced up are really tasty.

I usually have the Mango nectar juice purchased from Trader joes. It's really cool.

The really sweet ones:

Chikku comes up big on this one. I really like a ripe Chikku, and Chikku juice was my favorite fruit juice drink during my undergrad.

Palymra fruit and dates are also pretty sweet.

Spicing it up

Have you ever tried cutting up a green apple into small pieces and seasoning it with salt and pepper. The sweet, bitter, salty, and peppery flavor is awesome.

I tried this out at the 10 day vipassana meditation retreat during tea time.

Observing the thought cycle

2009-08-06T18:27:00.001-07:00

So lately I have been observing the thought cycle. I meditate during the nights and in the morning.

Do some breathing exercises (pranayama) and then just observe the thoughts or observe the screen in front of my forehead (inner space).

During the rest of the day, I usually use a mantra.

Mantra is pretty useful. Here are a few benefits I have observed:

1) The primary role of mantra that I have observed is that it acts as a reference thought to observe other thoughts that go in your mind. For example, if your mantra is peace. You would repeat it silently in your mind often, so that whenever a negative thought or a thought of lower vibration comes up in your mind, your mantra acts as a contrast to that negative thought and you immediately switch your focus back to the mantra. Negative thoughts could be fears, worries, anxieties, resentment, past hurts, regrets, revenge,etc,etc.

If you don't have a reference thought or a mantra, you can get caught up in these negative thoughts without realizing that you have been caught up. These negative thoughts are like a trap.. They trap you into thinking that it is important to think about them or else... (fear based thoughts). So you think about them, till you get tired or have some thing important to do. Then you get back to your fears and worries. Many a times, these fears and worries come out as a habit of the mind.

2) A mantra makes you realize that with less negative thoughts in your mind, peace comes to the surface naturally. It's like, oh, so my fears and worries were keeping me away from happiness and peace. Why the heck do I have these worries and other negative thoughts anyway?

So, a mantra brings you back to that awareness of the insignificance of these thoughts.

The worries and fears might loom large, they might call on to you. They might say, 'Oh, hey you, you must focus on me. This is important. You must find a solution to this. Or else...(some negative outcome)'. A mantra then brings you back to the present moment and makes these worries and fears insignificant.

3) A mantra makes you aware of how much time you spend thinking negative thoughts, even sometimes without being aware that you are. It becomes so unconscious. You see a person you don't like, and immediately there are some negative thoughts that go through your mind.

Something didn't happen as you expected, and you mull over it, you bring in your worries and fears to that situation. Many of these negative thought patterns are subconsious and automatic, it's like we have programmed ourselves to think negatively when there are certain external triggers. Mantra helps in releasing these reactionary patterns and brings you back to present.

Some people think that when you chant a mantra such as 'Om namah shivaya', you would be trying to please Lord Shiva into give you want you want. That is not why you would chant that mantra. Shiva represents the qualities of detachment, stillness, and peace that are already within you. If you really want something from Shiva, focus on these qualities that Shiva represents that are already within you when you chant the mantra.. Feel that peace, feel that clarity and stillness when you stop paying attention to negative thoughts by chanting the mantra in your mind.

Letting go of worries and fears completely or not?!

So this is where the cycle begins. Ok, so you have this mantra going in your head to make you more aware of what's actually going on in your head! And, now what? What if there is a fear or worry that crops up due to something that just happened? It seems so urgent, this fear or worry, it seems so important. Can I focus on it just a little bit... a teeny-weeny bit?

May be I can. Ok, so mantra on hold! Let's focus for one minute. Is this fear real? Can it actually happen? Oh may be it can. Oh shit, I better do something about it! And at this moment, we have again begun the process of perpetuating the cycle of negative thoughts in the mind.

A few hours later, you are like, 'oh my god', I have gotten completely off-track. I have been mulling on my fears and worries, and have been distracted from my work! Let's get back to mantra. For the rest of today, I am going to make sure that my mind is on the mantra, nowhere else. The next day, you see someone you haven't seen in a while, again the mind presses you to focus on the negativity through a memory related to that- regrets, hurts, revenge! It's important the mind says, I must take revenge for what this person did to me! The ego also begins to press you, since it's getting a lift. Oh yeah, I am getting my revenge!

Another cycle has begun, you have gotten off the mantra and onto this 'revenge thing' and then an hour later you realize, oh I am off-track.

So the question is, can you just totally cut through this cycle of mantra to negativity to mantra and just have the mantra all through bringing you peace? We don't allow ourselves this priviledge, because of the subconsious reactions to sensory inputs. It takes a while, quite a while before the cycles begin to shorten, i.e. you begin to realize that you are in the negativity trap quicker than before and then switch to the mantra. So that's where I am aiming at.

I have been thinking to myself, I just want to let go of my fears,worries, and other negative baggage completely and just have the mantra on or just have peaceful thoughts on. Am I willing to do that? What will stop me from doing that? The answer is my fears!!! Plain and simple.

I do want to let go of my fears completely. This is where I am headed. It's going to happen: Maybe today, maybe a month later, but definitely soon.

On Thoughts

2009-08-06T17:51:00.001-07:00

Some great reminders/articles from heaven letters on thinking:

1) http://www.heavenletters.org/god-wants-us-to-make-his-thoughts-our-own.html

2) http://www.heavenletters.org/by-your-thoughts.html

3) http://www.heavenletters.org/think-like-god.html

4) http://www.heavenletters.org/speak-a-new-language.html

5) http://www.heavenletters.org/node/1330

6) http://www.heavenletters.org/the-importance-of-how-you-feel.html\

7)http://www.heavenletters.org/beauteous-light.html

8) http://www.heavenletters.org/new-thoughts-await-you.html

9) http://www.heavenletters.org/the-umbrella-of-your-thoughts.html

10) http://www.heavenletters.org/only-the-small-self-criticizes.html

11) http://www.heavenletters.org/bless.html

12) http://www.heavenletters.org/let-go-of-lists-of-errors.html

13) http://www.heavenletters.org/let-your-thoughts-rise.html

14) http://www.heavenletters.org/let-go.html

Summary:

1) The more you think of certain kinds of thoughts, the more you attract them.

For example, the more you fear or worry, the more you have those thoughts as the days go by and the easier your reality will reflect these thoughts.

2) Thoughts are like an investment. You always want to make a good investment to reap good margins in the future. Similarly, always invest in good thoughts, uplifting thoughts, joyful thoughts. Don't engage fears, worries, regrets, resentments, hatred, malice, etc. They are a trap.

While you are engaged in these negativities it feels like you are taking revenge or seeing through other people. But the other side of the coin is, these thoughts will keep you distracted from the reality for a longer time as you keep mulling over them. Also fearing something a lot attracts exactly what you fear into your life. And then you will say, 'This is exactly what I feared would happen'. So the flashbulb should go off, to realize that you must stop fearing or worrying. Period.

3) It's not easy to stop worrying or stop fearing even though you want to. It has become a habit to reflect on fears and worries, so that even if you don't want them, they may not stop.

The idea then is to deflect the mind to peaceful thoughts, happy thoughts or a mantra. And reflect more and more on these peaceful thoughts or mantras during your free time, so that you move away from worries, fears and other negativities.

My deepest desire

2009-08-01T22:39:00.000-07:00

Is to have constant inner peace. It's a definite possibility that I am moving towards.

Having inner peace doesn't mean you are sitting idle. It doesn't mean you are not focused or can't be focused at the same time.

Inner peace is a place of clarity. It is a place of wonderful well-being. It is a place of joy, an inner joy that gets expressed through ones actions, ones words. Inner peace is a state of being as comfy as home, as inviting as a bathtub, as clear as the blue sky.

Inner peace supports everything, it is a pillar of inner strength that can withstand any storm with calm. Inner peace is the eye of every storm.

Having inner peace means that you have cut out worries and fears from your life, it means that whatever you do, you do it with total focus and thus you become very productive at work with that state of inner peace. Inner peace knows no stress. Having constant inner peace doesn't mean, you have become a monk, although that is a great thing to aspire for. Having inner peace means that you are comfortable with yourself, with people around you, with the situation you find yourself in. Inner peace is knowing that things are perfect as they are. Inner peace is moving easily through life.

Inner peace to me is what I have been searching for all my life, without sometimes realizing it.

Meditation,prayer,contemplation,books,and blogging are my means to get closer and closer to a state of constant inner peace.

Inner peace is my deepest desire, everything else is a bonus.

A beautiful prayer

2009-07-31T22:05:00.000-07:00

Watch it here. The video has both visual and audio appeal.

The lyrics go:

Asatoma Sadgamaya

Tamasoma Jyotirgamaya

Mrityurma Amritangamaya

Meaning (my interpretation added):

May I move from untruth to truth, from lack of clarity to clarity, from illusion of life to reality of self.

May I move from darkness to light, from negative thoughts to positive thoughts, from fear to love, from worry to peace, from stress to relaxation, from depression to joy, from resentment to gratitude. May I move towards a fuller appreciation of life, towards a celebration of life, towards a greater understanding of this grand journey, towards this grandoise unravelment of the self.

May I move from fear of death to the truth of my own immortality. May I find my true self that resides within me and know that it resides within everyone and everywhere. May I with this realization spread the word of love,peace and truth through my actions, through my thoughts, and through my words.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti hi

Peace Peace Peace.

Overcoming Panic Attacks

2009-07-10T00:56:00.000-07:00

CAUTION: This article contains some not so pleasant details. Use your discretion in reading it.

I vaguely knew what a panic attack was, when I had one back in 2007, August. Over the month of July, I had been worrying a lot about my future. Things were not working out well with my current advisor. I was looking at my options: Quit department, change department, change advisor same department, quit university, quit Phd. Different people were giving me different opinions and that was adding to my worries. My big worry was funding, will I get funded next year or not? This worry was literally eating me up.
It started as a pain in my chest region, I wasn't sure why that pain was there because I was healthy otherwise. But the pain seemed to be slowly growing over the month of July.
One fine night in August 2007, I was biking back from my department through the school to my home. At some point I became aware that I was becoming short of breath. I stopped riding, got off my bike and went to the side of the road. Then it happened.
My heart started beating fast and soon it was pounding hard in my body, I had hot shivers go through my body and I was having a hard time standing. It felt like I was having a heart attack.
I took a lot of deep breaths and sat down on the curb till I could muster courage to get up and ride the bike back home. That night I had two more panic attacks and it was worse.
I knew two things about what was going on:
a) Whenever it happened, I was short of breath,and I felt like I was heart attack. I reasoned that I was too young to have a heart attack.
b) As if it were not enough that I had a heart pounding hard in my chest, my mind also joined the game and started zipping between places at an insane speed.. Infact I thought that at that insane pace, my mind was going out of control, which could only mean that I was going insane!

Dark night of the soul
That night, through the panic attacks, I prayed beside my mind.. My mind was having its own gibberish thoughts at insane speed, but I was also able to use the mind in between to pray to God. God, what's going on, what's happening.. My heart is pounding, I feel like I am going insane, help me. Please help me...I was totally frightened and overwhelmed by all the drama happening within my body and mind. It is the most frightening and intense experience I have ever had in my life.
From my senior high school years (when I started practicing Shavasana), I knew that the mind-body connect was definitely real. Relax the mind, and that relaxes the body and conversely; relax the body and the mind will become more relaxed too.
At this point at 3 am in the morning, once my panic attack subsided, I had only one option:
Do as many rounds of Shavasana as possible to fully relax the body and hope that the mind would calm down enough for a night's sleep.
I had trouble going through the Shavasana suggestions, since you need to atleast be able to focus the mind and say, 'Relax toe', but my mind was just zapping away carrying me with it.
I would try again and again.. Before I knew it, I would be at the toes again, working my way up.
Finally, after about an hour and many half-rounds of Shavasana, I was able to work my way from the toe to the head in one round.. This was an indication that my mind had calmed down..
I fell asleep while I was doing another of these relaxation rounds...

Daybreak and acceptance
I hardly managed three hours of sleep that night.. And I woke up many times during those 3 hours to observe my mind chattering away.. I had to figure out what was going on.
I googled my symptoms and lo and behold, I figured I was having panic attacks. Thank God, in this day and age, we live just one click away from instant answers.
I read that once you have a panic attack, it's very likely that you can have a few more, since you just need to get worried that you will have another panic attack and that will trigger one.
Panic attacks get perpetuated by panicking!! The way out? Stop panicking... Which is not at all easy, with a mind that goes out of control during panic attacks. I remember walking to Safeway that day, and there was this tall guy at the corner of the building, smoking weed and talking to himself. Looking at him brought out my fear of the insanity that I was going through the night and this set my heart pounding faster, because I was worrying about that!
I read about some strategies to reduce the risk of another panic attack.
The first thing I needed to do was cut out all of my conscious worrying that I did.
I had a copy of 'Conversations with God' by Neale Donald Walsch. I browsed through it and came across this phrase in the book, 'What you resist, persists'. I decided to adopt the attitude of 'acceptance'. Let me just accept my situation, however bad it may seem. Let me let go of my worries. Coupled with these perspectives, I relaxed my body as much as I could during the day, so that my night would be a little more peaceful.
The next night wasn't as intense but I still did have a panic attack. I did my Shavasana rounds and managed to catch some sleep.
That whole week, all I did during the day, was just walk around the campus, enjoy the scenery, relax, read a book, pray to God, and just accepting my situation and being grateful that I am alive: Things I had been postponing due to my worrying habit. And during the night, I relaxed my body as much as I could through Shavasanas.
Every night got better than the previous one.. My panic attacks stopped after 3 days, but I would still be short of breath and my heart would start racing all of a sudden frequently, but the thoughts in my mind started mellowing down, which was a great relief for me.
I continued my Shavasana routine every night for the next one month, and thankfully, I was able to put the Panic attacks behind me and get a new perspective on life: 'Nothing, really, nothing, is worth my peace of mind'.

A powerful relaxation technique: Shavasana

2009-07-09T22:52:00.000-07:00

I. Introduction
My first exposure to yoga was in my fifth grade. I started going to yoga classes nearby in the morning. We first started with some basic stretching exercises.. Having warmed up, we sat down for breathing exercises including Anuloma-viloma, Bhastrika (Bellows breath), Kapalabhati (skull shining breath), etc. After that, we would do the Suryanamaskar(Salutations to the Sun exercises) and then take it easy for a while before getting onto asanas(Yogic postures). Towards the end of the asanas routine, we would do the shavasana or corpse-posture.
The idea is to make the body go limp or flaccid just like a corpse. Shavasana is one of the most peaceful relaxation techniques I have come across.
After a while, I stopped going to Yoga classes.
I was reintroduced to Shavasana when I was in my 10th grade by my maternal uncle, when I was prone to getting tense often. This technique helped me keep calm during those stressful years, where I had to focus well on my studies to get into a good college.

II. Shavasana Technique
Here's the technique I use(usually before going to sleep):

1) Lie down on your back or to your side (whichever is comfortable), preferably on a firm or not-very-elastic surface.
2) Close your eyes. Now, mentally relax each part of the body beginning at the feet and ending at the top of the body. The relaxation happens through suggestions in your mind to relax a part of the body. Once you practice this technique a few times, you can realize the relaxation that happens by this auto-suggestive process very tangibly.

Details
Below, I give the exact details of how I go about doing my auto-suggestion for relaxation:
I begin with the right leg, then my left leg, then my upper body, then my neck, face and finally the head.
I try to go into as much detail(body parts) as possible. Here are the details:
i) Right leg:
a) I repeat in my mind, 'Relax the toes' and feel the toes becoming lax.
b) 'Relax the ankle joint' and feel the area around the ankle joint relax.
c) 'Relax the calf muscles' and feel it relaxing.
d) 'Relax the knee joint'.
e) 'Relax the right thigh muscles'.
f) 'Relax the right quadriceps'.

Similarly, I relax the different parts of my left leg.

ii) Groin through upper body:
a) 'Relax the groin'
b) 'Relax the small intestine'
c) 'Relax the large intestine'
d) 'Relax the pancreas'
e) 'Relax the liver, lungs'
f) 'Relax the heart'. The heart has four chambers. I go into those details too:
'Relax the left auricle', 'Relax the left ventricle', 'Relax the right auricle', 'Relax the right ventricle'.
g) 'Relax the bronchial tubes or the wind pipe'
h) 'Relax the esophagus or the food pipe'.
i) 'Relax the throat - Relax the larynx and the pharynx (voicebox)'.
j)'Relax the teeth and tounge'.

iii) Neck through top of the head
a) 'Relax the neck,cheeks'
b)'Relax the eyes, ears, eyebrows(!),forehead,nostrils,nose,ears'
c)'Relax the brain - Right and left hemispheres. Relax the cerebrum,cerebellum and medulla'.
d) Relax the skull.

This is one round of Shavasana for me. You can see just by looking at the details above, there are a lot of places to relax the body, a lot of places where small pockets of tension could be released just by imagining and suggesting that it be relaxed. By the end of one round of Shavasana, I am significantly more relaxed than before.
I use this technique on a day to day basis to get my body fully relaxed before going to sleep every night.
I have also used this method to effect in many situations and periods of my life to great effect.
This technique has been a saving grace to me through panic attacks(that I had for about a week in 2007) and Obsessive compulsive disorder( that I had during my highschool/college days,though I actually overcame OCD through mindfulness meditation).

Ofcourse, you don't need to have panic attacks and OCDs to realize the benefits of Shavasana.
The average person these days gets stressed out often. To realize that stress is an intrinsic mechanism and isn't strongly related to circumstances is a powerful thing to know. That you can be at peace irrespective of where you are, what situation you are in is a powerful thing to know.
Shavasana is one step towards that knowing. It can get your body relaxed quickly with practice.

Jon Kabat Zinn on Mindfulness Meditation @ Google

2009-06-17T15:46:00.000-07:00

Fantastic FAQs on meditation

2009-06-17T01:16:00.001-07:00

I found this website that has very good FAQs. The questions cover many many aspects of meditation experiences, kinds of meditation, problems, etc and the answers are pretty good.
Jim Malloy, who compiled this FAQ seems to be very knowledgeable and full of wisdom gained from his meditation practice and experiences. Really worth a visit if you are into meditation. Here's the link.

Beuatiful songs

2009-06-16T23:12:00.000-07:00

The 17th Karmapa, Ogyen Trinley Dorje was in Seattle last summer. I was there for his talk in one of the big auditoriums in Downtown seattle. The introductory song, consisted of 'Karmapa Khyenno'...
This song, whose lyrics I didn't understand, struck a chord with me.. I was deeply resonating with its tune and it seemed to remind me of something...I was a little in tears listening to this song.
I found it on youtube later on:

Here's a similar tuned song:

To worry or not to worry: That is the question!

2009-06-16T02:44:00.000-07:00

'To be or not to be: That is the question', is a oft-quoted one from Shakespeare's Hamlet.
'Being' is a state. You can be happy, sad, fearful, joyful, high, low, peaceful, or in a state of 'worry'.
Let's look at worry.

If you say, you are fearless and yet worry, you do not understand worry completely.
When you worry about something, when you worry for example, on whether your relationship is headed in the right direction or not, or whether your career is unfolding as you expect it to: The basis for these worries is fear. You fear the consequence of the relationship not turning out well. You fear the consequence of your career not turning out as expected.
There is a distinction between being cautious and planning ahead vs worrying about it. Worrying is a repetitive state of mind, where one plays out 'what-if' scenarios in one's head repeatedly. It is a state that begets more of itself. That is to say, the more you worry, the more you can worry!

The understanding that stems out of examining worry is that, it serves no purpose, at all! It could probably keep you stressed, it could probably keep you tense, it could probably make your heart beat fast, and it could also affect your health adversely.
But positive affects of worrying? None, whatsoever. (Let me know if there is one!)

All this is easy to understand, but to say, 'Ok I am going to stop worrying. I will plan ahead, but I will not worry' - That might not work out. Why, you ask? It's because the mind does the worrying and you are asking the 'mind' to stop worrying. You are talking about calming down the mind!
Who said that's an easy job?
When a 'direct' approach to stop worrying doesn't work, one can turn to 'indirect' approaches. Some of them are:
a) Having positive thoughts about whatever you are worrying about. Example: It's all going to work out well, It's all going to be good, etc.
b) Distracting your mind from the worry through focusing on something else. For example, focusing on your work..Putting all attention to it. Or, taking a break and doing a favorite activity, etc.
c) Understanding the mind-body connect: Relaxing the body, calms down the mind and calming down the mind, relaxes the body and applying it by using a relaxation technique to relax the body and thus calm down the mind.
d) Meditation - Active or passive.

What do a),b),c) and d) have in common? They are all centering tools.. They center your awareness to the present moment, which is free of all worries, fears, regrets, hurts, etc: All the things that keep you from being happy. So the idea is simple: Be in the present moment(i.e. your mind focused on the present), whatever activity you maybe engaged in and that's the key to happiness.
Sound's simple? But the implementation is the tough part. As with anything, the implementation is made easier through practice.
For me, this is a totally sound basis for using these centering tools. The last centering tool, meditation is as varied as you can imagine. In meditation, centering can achieved by focusing on one's breath, which is ever present, or focusing on an object of one's choice, outside of oneself or within one's own imagination. Meditation can also be of a passive kind, where you can act as an observer to whatever's happening at the present moment. You can also be an observer to your own thoughts! 'I am observing my own thoughts!' - Isn't that funny?
The next question is, if you are observing your thoughts, who is thinking them? :)

Hiking and Meditation

2009-06-15T00:34:00.000-07:00

How are these two related?
I remember the first hike I had once my spring quarter ended in 2008. I was going through a rough patch in life and I hadn't hiked in a while. Going on in my mind was a lot of worries and fears.. What if? Will that happen? Oh my god, where is my Phd headed? You know, I was a good 'worrier'.

When I went hiking on that spring afternoon, I remember thinking, what the heck? So many thoughts rushing through my head and all of them are my fears and worries. All through my hike to the top of tiger mountain and back, I had these thoughts rushing through.. I was helpless, I was a mere observer. I wasn't engaging them, I wasn't doing anything, it was just happening.. I was a mere observer. Atleast I tried to be, but I was also worrying about these worrisome thoughts in my mind!! The next day, I went hiking again to a different place, and felt a little better. The next day, I went hiking to Wallace falls state park, it was raining all through, it was pouring, but I enjoyed the hike.

The connection between hiking and meditation is this: In the meditation I do, I just observe whatever thoughts are going on in my mind, passively, without engaging them.. This is also known as mindfulness meditation.
During my first hike, these thoughts were rushing through.. Being in nature, being in solitude, puts you in touch with your unwanted worries and fears.. That's why some people fear being alone.. They don't want to face their thoughts. Hiking in nature is like a soothing caress.
If there is excess baggage that you are carrying around in your mind, nature brings it out, so that you feel better at the end.. That's what happened to me during that hike.
This happened to my friend too.. He came hiking with me and he just couldn't stop talking.
I asked him to enjoy the hike but he said that if he stopped talking, he had to listen to all the chatter in his mind!! So he did the next best thing, listen to music on his mp3 player.

I remember another ocassion, I was very worried about something. I had to take a break and go for a walk. There was a trail near Udub I hadnt explored. I went in that direction, found that trail and that trail went to the edge of the lake union, beautiful place that is. In the beginning I was continuing my worrisome state, what if? Oh what should I be doing, etc. But as I entered the trail, my thoughts slowed down. I had a distinct recognition that I was more peaceful now than before.. I started enjoying the scenery around, I came back refreshed. Nature is a wonderful, nurturing place to be in.

Combining hiking and meditation. Since there is a definite parallel between hiking and meditation, why not combine them? Thats what I have been doing on my recent hikes.
Stop, and smell the flowers. Admire the tall tree. Be amazed by the different shades of green all around. Sit in a quiet spot on the trail, and just enjoy the silence. Enjoy and be grateful for the fact that you are in a wonderful place, right here, right now. Hiking, I love it.

Dream big, dream a lot!

2009-06-12T20:16:00.000-07:00

From heavenletters, a daily email I get:

God said:

Dreams beyond your imaginings are coming true. I have told you this before, and I am telling you again.

You may still be thinking the world is unchanged, and that your hopes and dreams will be dashed as they may have been in the past.

Beloveds, no longer use the past as your reference point. It is not reliable, and, frankly, the past is not relevant.

The world is not the same. Nor are you the same. You know you are not what you once were. What makes you think you have changed and the world hasn’t? The world has kept up with you. The world may well be ahead of you now. In any case, the world you once knew is not the same world in front of you today.

If I told you that you are standing at the edge of an abyss and you are in great danger, you would believe Me, is that not so? How easily you believe in doom and danger. And now I tell you that you are standing at the edge of a new world. This world has washed its face, and you will hardly recognize it. Come, children, believe in the joy that is on its way to you. Dare to believe, and dare to make new dreams so that they may come true.

This is the world dreamed of, and now it is yours. Now it is the world you live in. Oh, some of the pictures of the former world you lived in remain, yet those held-over pictures are fading fast.

Rain falls from the heavens. Snow as well. Dreams fulfilled will also fall from Heaven, and why not for you? Why not your dreams, beloveds? In case you have grown beyond your old dreams, dream new dreams now. Dream of what you want now. Go beyond even your finest material dreams. What do you really want? What dreams do you really want to come true? Dream them. Keep dreaming them. Keep having dream after dream, one on top of the other. Let your dreams spill over into the world. The world is thirsty for your dreams. It will lap them up. From your dreams, the world will grow. Your dreams are sprouting now.

You are the manna from Heaven. You create the gifts that Heaven bestows on you. First you dream. Then you receive. All your blessings do not really fall from the sky. They fall from you. It is you who tosses them up. You make it possible for you to receive your dreams. Dreams are thoughts. Thoughts radiate. Dreams radiate. Dreams come true because you radiate them.

Your dreams are like gifts you give. One dream nests within another, the way boxes fit inside another. When you open one box, you find a host more of boxes inside. So with dreams, you find one following after another. Dreams are something like cut-out paper dolls, each attached to the other, each dream holding hands with another. There is dream after dream, each one pulling the next one along.

Start your dreams, beloveds. Let them rise like balloons up into the sky. Let them rise. Your dreams will gather their fruit and then return themselves to you. You will see your dreams come true. They will dance before you. Dreams dreamt become dreams realized. You will have dreams to the right of you, dreams to the left of you. Dreams beget dreams. You will gradually see that life is all made of dreams come true. Let your dreams precede and follow you.

Dream your dreams, beloveds. Dreaming manifests. Have good dreams. Watch for them to multiply.

Link: http://www.heavenletters.org/dream-new-dreams.html

Veronica on After life

2009-06-12T20:06:00.000-07:00

Bashar, Veronica, St. Germain - These 'non-physical' entities are my favorite source of information and inspiration.

Here's a video by Veronica on after life: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnMcTagpJv8

Enjoy!

It's been a year... Part I

2009-06-01T18:18:00.000-07:00

Since I began meditating. Lot of changes have happened within me. What I mean by that is, there have been changes in my attitude towards life, the way I respond in any given situation, the way I compose myself, etc. Meditation helps you identify patterns that you indulge in unconsciously or subconsciously. It's been 3 incredible years I have had in Seattle....This post will also double up as a flash back of relevant periods of my life!

Fight or flight
I read recently in the book, 'Surprised by Grace', by Amber Terrell on how we indulge in the 'fight or flight' pattern. What this means is, given any situation, if the situation is perceived to be unfavorable by some yardstick that is unique to every individual, then there is a tendency to either fight the situation or run away from the situation.
What else could you do, you ask? Well, you could become 'comfortable' with the uncomfortablness!
Really, that's what meditation has put me in touch with: becoming comfortable with the 'uncomfortable', the 'unacceptable', the 'oh no - not again', the 'never agains', etc.

OCD and Meditation
Infact, I suffered from a chemical imbalance 9 years back and the disease was called, 'Obsessive Compulsive disorder' (OCD), although this wasn't the repetitive action thing.. It was a repetitive thought thing. In the common form of OCD, people tend to repeat actions, like washing hands 20 times to make sure it's clean or checking if the door is closed 10 times before leaving the house etc. In the OCD I had, I would get repetitive thoughts of a particular kind. These thoughts I absolutely detested and wanted them out of my mind.. But they would come anyway uninvited and not once a day, or once an hour, they would remind me of their presence every minute.
Sleep was my only respite from these thoughts. I constantly prayed to god at that time.. please relieve me of these thoughts that trouble me, please help me become comfortable with myself.
You see, it was all about becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable, the unacceptable.
In 2003, my 2nd year of my undergrad program, I attended a 3 day workshop by Swami Sukhbodhanada, where I learnt a few meditation techniques (Read about that here). Until then I had been on medication: I was using a drug called fludac and it was supposed to calm the mind. But in hindsight, I think the drug wouldn't have done me a whole lot of good if I had continued with it. I stopped using this drug after I learnt the meditation.
Infact, when I did the observation meditation, I attempted at becoming comfortable with the unacceptable, detestable thought. That was the beginning of my recovery from this dis-ease.
I practiced that meditation for sometime, and then I discontinued it once I took up running, another excellent way to get in touch with your self and come out of depression... (I had small bouts of depression too during that period). I also practiced a relaxation technique called Shavasana every day, which was very effective in keeping my body relaxed.
From then on, my life took a change. Really, sometimes I just couldn't bear the thoughts I had, it was because I had a strong hatred for those thoughts from my childhood. Sometimes I thought, I would go insane. But it didn't happen, infact now I see the dis-ease as my training ground.
Through the OCD experience, I learnt how strong I am, mentally strong that is and I also learnt that constant hatred can set you up for an experience like I had, where you learn to be at peace with anything and everything, no matter how unacceptable it may be.
It' s not that you favor the unacceptable, it's just that you don't pay attention to it. And you do that by first making peace with it, and second, by letting it go.

Coming back..
That was a brief flashback! Yes, well, OCD was my first ginormous life-challenge that I overcame successfully. My second set of life-changing experiences began when I landed in Seattle to pursue my Phd program. More on this Part II of this post..!

Meditation, I find is fundamental to my life.. It's the reason, I overcame the OCD, it's what has kept me stable during periods of instability(see part II of this post). My gratitude abound for meditation being a part of my life today.

Creating space for meditation

2009-04-03T23:38:00.000-07:00

I have moved into a new house in Greenlake, Seattle. And before even moving in, I imagined how the space I allocate for meditation would be. It would be a large enough sitting area surrounded by things I consider sacred, which include crystals and pictures of sacred dieties and inspiriational people. And that is how I have it right now. My meditation sessions have also gone up in time.. I am able to do 30 minutes on an average these days and they get deep once I hit the 20 minute mark. 2 days back I did a 45 minute meditation (I didn't time it) which I didn't want to end. When I opened my eyes, I felt refreshed and a little sleepy. So I guess sacred space is pretty important for meditation. My previous apartment was very crowded and I didn't have a set space. This new apartment, I have created a nice space for my meditation practice and made sure that there is nothing nearby that's haphazard or disorganized.
Meditation also helps me see through the illusions of life, the dramas of life. If I am perturbed by something, I look forward to my meditation during the night, for I know that I will come out of the meditation feeling relaxed, reassured and have a good night's sleep.
Here's to deeper meditation and more inner peace and bliss through daily commitment to meditation.

Wonderful article from Heaven letters - On love

2009-03-19T01:08:00.000-07:00

I subscribe to a daily email from Heaven letters, where the medium, Gloria, communicates with God.. You can think of it as a channeling or inspired writing, but I know it's consistent with the messages from books, from youtube, etc. Just have an open mind when you read it and enjoy.
How would it be if God were to communicate on a daily basis? Here's one of the daily emails I get:

God said:

What if you could remove the word they from your vocabulary? Then from whom would you be separated? You would not see anyone sitting across from you as opposite to you, and you would not be opposed to anyone's existence. No longer would you ever feel infringed upon, for you would know that everyone is yourself and due all the love and honor in the world and Heaven that you deserve and that you may presently feel has been denied you or taken away from you. You would never feel lack again. You would understand everything and misunderstand nothing.

When you eliminate the concept of them you would really know something. The thought of enemy would not occur to you. You would not feel superior or inferior to anyone. You would not be above or below. You would sit beside. You would be compassion incarnate. You would be the love you are. You would be a bright star on Earth, shining with all the other stars that reflect you and reflect Me.

You would not feel a need to cast judgment because you would know that all are supreme and entitled, and you would bless all from the richness of your heart.

And when hearts are full, who would think of punishment? What a far-fetched idea punishment would be! Who would want to think of punishment when love is front stage? Punishment would not give joy to anyone. How could it? Such a frivolous flighty thing punishment is. Punishment is, of course, nonexistent next to love. It cannot even be conceived of when love is in bloom. What ills of the world can be conceived of next to the power of love? What doesn't fade away next to love? Without love, what matters? And with love, what else matters? What can hold a candle to love? I know of nothing. Certainly worldly goods do not add up next to love.

Love is your best friend. The love in your heart is the most powerful asset you have, and you have many. Whatever talents you have, no matter how wondrous, they are next to nothing when compared to love. Your talents are beautiful, and I adjure you to develop them, and yet, without love, they are nothing.

Stay close to love, beloveds. Foster it in your heart. Desire to be a great giver of love. Give Divine Love to the world. Just love the world, and the world will swell in your love. The world will not be shy to accept your love. So, yes, love the world and all in it.

If you think the world is too crowded for you to love everyone, move over on the park bench you sit on and make room, or give someone your seat. Your heart, unlike the park bench, however, knows no limits and can accommodate all. There is no limit to the fullness of your heart. Fill your heart up with My love, and then let that love go like a balloon that flies up to the sky. All you have to do is to let go of your love, and it will rise, and it will succor the world. Your love will reach all hearts. Your love will reach the furthermost stars, and it will reach those who sit on curbs lonely, waiting for love. Your love will fill the vacancy in any heart. Your love is a seed that you scatter, and it will land where it will, and it will grow on good soil wherever it lands. I bless you, and I bless your love, and I bless all upon whom your love falls.

Nothing matters revisited

2009-03-13T18:41:00.000-07:00

Nothing matters is one of my favorite insights, and more so because I have actually been in an experience that forced me to ask myself if it really matters. And the answer was it doesn't. Nothing really matters.. Because at death, what you amassed in terms of money or what position you rose to in your career.. It doesn't matter. And death is just a horizon to a new beginning.
Nothing really matters.. yes, I had this profound insight in September 2007 and it's the most delicious insight I have ever had. My life came to the point where I said, it doesn't matter.. It doesn't matter if I need to quit my Phd program..(I was ready at that point to accept that situation if it happened..) I am good, if I am penniless, I am good. It doesn't matter at all if any of my fears come true. To hell with my fears. That's the power of nothing matters.. You can kick the word 'fear' out of your life. Here's an article I read that reminded me of this insight.
Enjoy.. Because It doesn't Matter!!

Spiritual Movies

2009-03-07T14:57:00.000-08:00

I had a marathon friday night with 4 back to back movies and one movie on Saturday.
I watched:
1) Celestine Prophecy - A pretty good movie, I liked the scenes where they show the auras of two people interacting and influencing one another. Set in the jungles of Peru, it is a thriller on uncovering insights - It's a spiritual thriller.
2) Enchanted - An animation cum real world movie.. Pretty funny, loved the Chipmunk character.
3) Groundhog day - One of those wonderful movies you don't want to end. The central message is: If you had just one day to live your life, how would you live it?
4) Made in heaven - Nice look at the concept of reincarnation through a love story.
5) City of Angels - Although I disagree on the portrayal of angels in this movie, this movie was a decent watch.

Here's a webpage that gives it's version of 50 good spiritual movies.

Heaven and Hell: Do they exist?

2009-02-28T01:16:00.000-08:00

What do you think? Or rather, what do you believe in?

I believe you can and do have heaven and hell right here on earth: Heaven and hell are states of mind. Not some real places in the far beyond.

Hell
Hell is when you mull over your past and worry about the future incessantly.
Hell is when you beat yourself up for not living up to your goals or expectations.
Hell is when you think that there is a God out there judging each and every action of yours.
Hell is when you think that the concept of sin is real
Hell is when you do something so as to not hurt others but that in turn hurts you.
Hell is when you try to be in every one's good books.
Hell is when you turn to fear instead of love.
Hell is when you think you are only capable of so much - Hell is when you limit yourself, or have limiting beliefs such as 'I am no good' or 'I knew I would fail doing this'.
Hell is when you can't understand why the so-called bad things happen to people.
Hell is when you always see the negative aspects of every situation that you come across in your life.
Hell is when you fear death.
Hell is when you don't recognize the divine within you.

Heaven
Heaven is when you know that there is no reason to fear... ever. Not even death (Look up NDE).
Heaven is when you know that, 'What you believe, you become'
Heaven is when you know that there is no limit to what you are capable of.
Heaven is when you know that your 'thoughts, beliefs, actions' create or determine your reality or how you perceive it, and that the very knowing of this can empower you.
Heaven is when you know that 'Situations, people's behaviors, incidents are perfect as they are and that all you have to do is accept the gift that they bring to you.
Heaven is when you know that you are fundamentally divine. (String theory says that the fundamental essence of matter is energy).
Heaven is when you know that you are here on earth to grow spiritually through experiences.. good and bad.
Heaven is when you know that experiences, especially the bad ones, bring you the greatest life lessons and accelerate your spiritual growth.
Heaven is when you know that life is just a game, and that we are all God essence, pretending to be humans.
Heaven is when you know that nothing, really nothing, that happens on earth has even the slightest impact on who you really are: A god-being.

Observing your thoughts: A meditation technique

2009-02-21T22:10:00.000-08:00

I was introduced to this meditation technique of observing the thoughts in a 3-day workshop( by Swami Sukhbodhananda) I attended in India 6 years back.

The only thing you need to do in this meditation technique is just passively observe the thoughts without engaging them. If you get a thought, 'Oh, I have to finish this work by tomorrow' while meditating, just observe it. Don't engage the thought by replying in your mind, 'Oh yeah, lot of stuff to do'. If you get a thought, 'I have to pick up the mail after the meditation', just observe this thought, you are not in a pressure mode here, relax, you will remember what you need to do once you finish the meditation. You see, the only thing that you have to do is be an observer, a passive spectator, see the games and tricks the mind plays, observe how it brings up the past, or the future. The mind does a good job of bringing up past hurts or future worries. See the thoughts the mind brings about passively.
Now, thinking, 'I have to just observe my thoughts, I have to just observe my thoughts' is NOT observing, but participating with the thoughts. So how do you get around this?
Before beginning the meditation, make an intention to just observe the thoughts and not get caught up in the thoughts that surface during observation. You don't have to silence the thoughts. Let them go on, but don't engage them either. Be a passive audience to the thoughts. It takes some practice, but with time, you will begin to not engage the thoughts and start to enjoy the meditation and the silence it brings about.
I personally have had quite a few meditations where the thoughts gradually died down without any effort on my part as the meditation progressed and the ensuing silence (or very few thoughts) was beautiful.

Here's a great article that elucidates this method.
Also, here's a post I wrote earlier on how the meditation practice unfolds.

On Death

2009-02-20T18:17:00.001-08:00

Wondeful article on death here.
I am copying the above article below ;)

Summary of the article
1) Death is a transition as is birth. Life is a momentary experience that the soul wishes to have to expand it's perspective and learn lessons. The soul existed before birth and exists after death.
2) There is no reason to fear death. Death is a joyful experience and not a painful one as thought by the masses.
3) You exist.. Forever. During birth, you take on a body, the physical body.
During death, you shed the same body. But shedding one's clothes doesn't have anything to do with shedding one's identity does it? Same is the case with shedding your body. Your identity remains the same after death, albeit the body that limits you is given up. You can think and feel in the same way you did on earth, except that you have more freedom now to explore.
4) Your loved ones are just a heart beat away from you. We are all one, so we are all connected even after death and beyond.

The Article

Dear friends, beloved angels of light, I greet you all. It is from the heart of the Christ energy that I, Jeshua, reach out my hand and extend my greeting to you.

Beloved angel, know that you are cherished. Know that you are loved unconditionally, even now while you reside in a body of flesh and blood, a mortal body. Even while living within the boundaries of this temporary home, you are still unconditionally part of God, the Home for which you long so much. You have never truly left Home, yet you do not recognize the eternal flame which remains alight forever within your being. Get in touch with that light in this moment, cherish yourself, know who you are. A light burns within you, so beautiful and pure. How come you ever doubted this?

Today we speak about dying. Much fear exists concerning death. Fear of annihilation, fear of oblivion, fear of being swallowed up by the big black hole associated with death. As so often the case in the earthly dimension, you tend to turn things topsy-turvy and present them exactly opposite to the way they actually are. In reality, death is liberation, a homecoming, a remembrance of who you really are.

When death comes, you effortlessly return to your natural state of being. Your consciousness blends with the flame of light which is your true identity. Earthly burdens are lifted from your shoulders. Residing within a physical body imposes limitations on you. It is true that you chose to dive into this state of limitation because of the possibility for experience it had to offer. Nevertheless it’s a sensation of bliss to be restored to your natural angelic state. The angel inside you loves to fly and be free, to freely investigate the myriad of worlds which constitute the universe. There is so much to explore and to experience. Once you are born into an earthly body, you more or less lose touch with this angelic freedom and sense of being without limits.

Please join me now, as we go back to the moment just before the dive into your present incarnation. On an inner level you permitted yourself to commence this earthly life. It was a conscious choice. Perhaps you have forgotten about this, and you occasionally feel doubtful about whether you really want to be here. Yet there has been a moment in which you said “yes”. This was a courageous choice. It is an act of great bravery to temporarily trade your angelic freedom and sense of non-limitation for the adventure of becoming human, of becoming mortal. That adventure holds a promise that makes it all worthwhile. Feel the “yes!” that once rose from your soul. Remember also being drawn to earth. Feel how you connected to earth reality, and feel the moment you descended into the embryo within your mother’s womb. You may notice there is heaviness surrounding planet earth, a certain greyness or thickness.

There is much suffering on earth. Pain, loss, fear, negative thoughts are part of earth’s collective atmosphere. And that is what you, as a freshly incarnating soul, passed through. Your light found itself a way through this darkness and in doing so an unavoidable veil of ignorance fell over your original angelic awareness. Feel the sadness of that event, and behind it, your courage and bravery. You were determined: “I am going to do it. Once more, I am going to root myself into this earth reality, in order to find my own light, in order to recognize it, to rediscover it, and to pass it on to this world which is so in need of it.”

Yes, it has been a leap into ignorance. Temporarily forgetting who you are, not remembering your unbound state of being is part of being human. You forget that you are safe and free, no matter where you are. Being human, you set out to reclaim that natural sense of freedom and safety. In your quest, you can become ensnared by powers that seem to offer you what you are looking for, but in fact are making you dependent on something outside of you. You may lean upon judgments coming from outside yourself, telling you how to behave in order to be loved. These false images of Home, these substitutes, tend to sadden and depress you. Indeed, the journey down from heaven to earth has been a tough one. Death, however, transports you back to the plane of eternal love and safety. It is in dying that you surrender to who you have always been. If you die consciously, if you can accept death and surrender to it, dying becomes a joyous event.

What happens when you die? Before you die, you pass through a stage of parting and letting go. It is a phase wherein you say farewell to earthly life, to your loved ones. This can be difficult, yet at the same time it offers you the possibility to reflect deeply upon who you are, and what you have learned and accomplished on earth during your lifetime. In the grief you may sense in letting go of your loved ones, it becomes ever so clear what connects you to them. It is a bond of love which is immortal. This bond is so powerful that it effortlessly passes across the boundary that is death. Love is an inexhaustible source, forever giving rise to new life. Do not fear to lose your loved ones, for it is in the moment of saying goodbye that the bonds of unconditional love are reinforced and given new life. For it is certain: when you part in love, you will meet again. You will find one another again, effortlessly, because the shortest way to another always remains the way of the heart.

If you have loved ones who passed over, you can be sure that they are near to you at the level of the heart. Feel their presence, for they are here among us, extending their greeting to you. They feel privileged and free. They are free from the doubt which plagues so many on earth and they yearn to share with you the love and kindness which is available to you at all times.

Those who remain behind often associate the phase prior to their loved one’s dying with feelings of sadness and loss. It is natural to grieve the departure of a loved one; it is natural to miss and yearn for the loved one’s physical presence. However, we encourage you to try and feel that with their departure a gate toward a new dimension is opened, a dimension where communication is of a nature so pure, clear and direct that it rises above the methods for communication commonly used on earth. You can have direct communication with a loved one after they die, from your heart to their heart. This way, misconceptions which used to stand between you can easily be cleared, once you honestly and openly communicate with the other. Your message will be received, always.

Once you yourself have died, you will view people who are living on earth from a different perspective. You will be more tolerant, mild and you will find yourself with an increased sense of wisdom. You will not be completely balanced all at once, because there are emotions and feelings that you take with you and which need to be dealt with. You will not be perfect or omniscient once you let go of physical life. And that’s not so bad really, for there is still so much to experience and discover on this side! Yet, in most of you there is a new perspective. The dimension of eternity is tangible and this respectfully mitigates your view of what occupied you and the people directly around you during your stay on earth.

Now, what happens to YOU once you pass the boundary of death? Once you have gone through the mourning stage, the stage of saying farewell, you will feel start to feel death drawing closer. The focus of your consciousness now changes. Letting go of the outside world, the people, your body, it will now turn within and move deeper inside of you. Your awareness of the outside world diminishes and this allows you to prepare for the inner journey you are about to embark on. If you consciously accept death, you will experience a “getting ready”, a readiness to truly let go. For your loved ones, this is the moment to let you go, for you need all your strength to turn within and prepare yourself.

Dying need not be a painful process. What actually takes place is of a grand and majestic nature. Dying is a holy event wherein the soul connects with itself in a most intimate manner. During the final stage, the dying person senses the earthly dimension in a detached way: the body, the scents, colours, and other physical sensations. Another dimension is entering their awareness, with a radiance so promising and inviting, that it is not so hard anymore to surrender and leave all things earthly behind. Even the presence of your loved ones will not stop you from going now. The energy of Home - God, heaven or whatever you want to call it - is so overwhelmingly kind, warm and reassuring that it become easy to let go and return your tired and worn-out body to earth.

Once you let go in peace, your soul will rise up from your body gently and fluidly. You will feel supported by universal forces of wisdom and love. If you die without resistance, your immediate surroundings will be filled with warm and loving energy. You will experience an unspeakable sense of relief. You are free, and everything becomes clear. You remember the omnipresence of Love, not as an abstract idea but as a palpable reality. While on earth, you called this kind of love “God”, and you kept a biased, human image of what this God “wanted from you”. You were convinced that there were certain demands made by this God, demands to which you usually did not comply. But here in this dimension, you recall what God’s will truly is: to ensoul you, to inspire you, to experience creation through you and to finally recognize Itself in your countenance. God wanted to become human through you. The goal of the universe’s evolution is YOU: God become human!

God is the source of creation, and you are its fulfilment. You, who have given the light of God human form, are never judged for being human. Instead you are honoured. The idea of a vengeful God is yet another perversion, a reversal of truth instigated by fear. God recognizes Itself in you, regardless of what you do or don’t do. When you are back on this side, you become aware of this again, and a truckload of self-judgment and feelings of inferiority will slide off your shoulders. You will feel the original joy of living again, safe in God’s hand.

Soon after your arrival here, you will perceive light beings around you. There will be guides to assist you and people you knew who passed over before you. Sometimes it will surprise you who you will run into over there: people whom you met only briefly, but who touched your heart deeply, may be there alongside lifelong friends and relatives. Anyone you had a connection with based in love, will come to greet you at some point. Once again, it becomes so clear to you that saying farewell is but an illusion, that the heart-connection is eternal. You will experience a sense of thankfulness and of awe, as you enter this plane of unconditional love and wisdom.

After you arrive on this side, there is a phase of adjustment, in which you get used to your new environment and slowly release your attachment to earth life. You will need to acclimatize. There will be guides to support you who are specialized in this. You will still have a body yet it will feel more fluid than the physical body you were used to. Most likely it will take on the appearance of your most recent physical body. Although there is freedom to take on any appearance that you desire, most people appreciate some continuity for a while. You are also free to create your own living conditions, for instance a beautiful house with a lovely garden, in a natural environment you were fond of while on earth. It is quite all right to live out your earthly fantasies on this plane, which I refer to as the astral plane. This is a dimension or realm of being which allows for much creative freedom, although it still resembles and is closely connected to the dimension of physical earth.

Some people have had difficulty accepting death on earth and their transition to the other side may have been less peaceful. They usually need more time to adapt to their new life circumstances. Sometimes it takes a while before they truly realize that they have passed on. Some people have suffered a long-term illness, and find it hard to shake the idea of being ill. They cannot fully believe they are healthy again, and it often takes the patient and gentle support of a spiritual guide to help them release their old body. The old body can stick to the soul, purely as a concept, as a thought-form. The same goes for emotional habits and patterns of behaviour. They can repeat themselves on the astral plane until the soul discovers its freedom, its power to let go and open up to something new.

Another possibility is that a soul remains attached to the earth realm, to loved ones in particular, because they died suddenly or very young. This can happen in the case of accidents, disasters, or when the person was in the prime of life. These are situations in which a particular soul did not feel ready or prepared to make the departure. Dying in those cases is more or less traumatic. There is loving support on this side for these traumatized souls, as there always is. Sooner or later the soul will reach a state of acceptance and understanding of the situation. There is always a viable reason for what seems to be a premature departure from the earth plane. Dying is never a coincidence.

As your stay on the other side extends, your spirit expands into wider and deeper levels of awareness. More and more will you let go of the ways of thinking and feeling you were used to on earth. Essentially, you gradually go back to the core of who you are, your soul, the divine spark within. The more you enter – or return - to that state of consciousness, the more you detach yourself from your earthly personality and the dimension of earth. You will sense a flow of being which reaches beyond that aspect of you. You will get in touch with other lifetimes you spent on earth, incarnations wherein you embodied other aspects of your soul. You become aware of the boundless space that is your soul and the many experiences you have gathered on your journey through the universe.

When people on earth connect to you now, they will sense a person who has gained in wisdom and spiritual love. In fact, as you are moving closer the core of your soul, you are leaving the astral plane and entering what I call the essential plane, the realm of Essence. Most people stay on the astral plane for quite a while after they have died. They look back on their life on earth and reflect on all the experiences they have gone through. In the astral realm, you can experience both joy and depression, both positive and negative emotions. Your surroundings mirror your inner psychological reality. The emotions you have to come to terms with, take on the form of colours, landscapes and encounters. You often visit the astral realm in your dreams, so you are familiar with this field of awareness. In your esoteric literature, when they speak of many layers or spheres in the afterlife, ranging from dark to light, it is the astral plane that is referred to.

On the astral plane, you get a chance to sort out the emotional luggage you’ve brought along from your recent life on earth. In this you are assisted by several loving guides. At some point, you will let go of all your attachments and emotional pain, and you’re ready to move beyond the astral plane altogether. That’s when you pass on to the plane of essence. When this happens, it is like a second death. You leave behind anything that does not truly belong to you and allow yourself to merge with the greater You, your divine core. The moment you pass on to the essential plane, you will be aware of the immense power that moves you. You will experience your oneness with God.

The plane of essence, the plane of the eternal You, is the seat of the divine consciousness from which all creation originates. I ask you to take a moment to connect to this plane, here and now. It is not far away. It permeates everything, both the astral plane and the earth plane; it permeates the entire cosmos. The presence you sense here is the presence of God, pure and untainted. It may be sensed as a deep silence, completely peaceful yet brimming with life and creativity. From this source springs all of creation and to this source it shall return.

When you reach the essential plane in afterlife, you will be able to make conscious choices regarding your future destination. On this plane you may arrange, with the help of teachers and guides, another incarnation on earth, or plan a different journey, dependent on your goals. You can clearly hear the voice of your soul on the essential plane. It is from this plane that you once said “yes” to the life in which you now find yourself.

Take a moment to remember what it felt like to be on this plane. The more you become aware of this dimension during your life on earth, the easier it will be to die peacefully and, after your death, to move beyond the astral plane into the plane of essence.

Death is nothing more than a transition, one of the many transitions you go through in life. Birth is a transition. Life on earth knows so many moments of transition, of passing through and letting go. Just think of it. The body you now reside in has at one time been very small, a vulnerable little baby. And yet your soul, the divine essence inside you, was already working through you when you were that vulnerable little baby. When you reached maturity, many of you got swallowed up by the demands which life on earth made on you, and you were confronted by fears and doubts. The awareness of your divine core, your soul, got pushed to the background. However, there arrived moments in your life when the dimension of divine awareness opened up again. This often happened at moments during which you had to let go, when you had to say farewell.

Maybe it was saying farewell to a loved one, perhaps letting go of a job; any conceivable scenario. Such events are transitions which resemble dying, not in a literal sense but on a psychological level. You are being asked to let go on a deep level, and it is exactly during those moments of letting go that you can start to feel the reality of your eternal Self, the divine light that burns inside you. This reality remains with you unconditionally, even when everything around you falls away. And so it is when it comes to physically dying. If at that moment you are courageous enough to let go, the plane of the eternal will embrace you and you will experience a very strong awareness of who you really are.

Dying in conscious surrender is a holy event, filled with life and beauty. The majesty of what is enfolding will be tangible for those present. The more the ones who are present have experienced “dying while being alive”, the more they will be filled with awe and reverence about the transition they are witnessing.

With regard to all the transitions available in creation, ranging from physical birth and death to moments of intense emotional detachment during your life, the pivotal question ever remains not whether you will survive, but whether you are able to retain the connection with your own divine core. Can you stay in touch with the plane of Essence, your origins, Creation’s heartbeat? Connecting with the essential plane often during your life is the best way of preparing yourself for death, and for what lies beyond. By becoming aware now - prior to physical death – that the very core of who you are does not depend on the current physical body you reside in, nor on the identity which you assume in the world, do you set yourself free to smoothly make the transition once the moment arrives.

Connecting with the essential plane is a choice you make. Dying in itself won’t get you any closer to it. After dying, you will very much be the same person as you are now, albeit endowed with different possibilities and given a wider perspective. Yet the crucial question ever remains: do you remember yourself? Are you able to consciously connect with that dimension of timelessness which flows through you and which truly inspires you ?

You are un-perishable, dearly beloved angels of Light. Take faith in this. Let yourself be comforted and supported by this knowledge when your hour of death arrives; and now also, while you struggle with the issues of your life.

In order to die peacefully, you are asked to detach yourself on the inner level from anything that ties you to earthly existence. Practice this detachment continually while you are living, and you will be prepared to die.

You may ask: “Isn’t it tragic to detach yourself from life, while you are standing in the middle of it?” The answer is: “No. Instead, it is testament to a truly powerful spirit.”

What does detachment mean? It means that you pay attention to essence, that you do not get caught up in non-essential matters. It means you do not create unnecessary emotional drama; it means you experience joy in the simple things of life. To practice detachment and stay tuned into the plane of essence entails being aware of a hidden dimension, which lies directly underneath and behind the observable. It means to renounce quick judgment in terms of good and bad, and to trust a cosmic intelligence which far by exceeds the human mind.

Many of you are trapped in a thinking fever. You feverishly consider life; how to solve problems, how to accomplish all the things you think you need to do. You are very fixed on organizing life through your will and your mind. Detachment means you take this thinking aspect of yourself less seriously. Is this a tragic thing to do? No. Instead, it brings light and airiness to your life.

It is by your excessive urge for control that life becomes a struggle, tiring and heavy. Detachment brings peace of mind, humour and thoughtfulness. Being aware of the finiteness of life inspires the natural desire to cherish life. And it is there where your divine core can effortlessly flow through you, from the essential plane to your earthly reality. Once that happens, you will have conquered death before you have died.

Interesting review of Vipassana retreat

2009-02-20T17:53:00.000-08:00

Came across a nice review of the 10 day Vipassana meditation retreat. You can find it here.

I plan on doing one in June, when the summer break begins. Also, the website for Vipassana courses here.

Holy shit!! - The concept of God, Part 2

2009-02-18T21:26:00.000-08:00

Holy shit indeed. I mean it literally.
Let's back up a moment. In the previous post, I mentioned that God being omnipresent means that God is present in every thing imaginable and also everything beyond our imagination. Now, shit is something we see every day and by our previous definition, God is present in shit.

Now, some might look at this as an attempt to deprecate God. To them, I would say, please look deeper into what is being implied. I hold God(which I don't think is a person, btw, I just think of God as a divine consciousness that is the 'Unseen seer' or the 'Unmoved mover') in the greatest of love and awe. Even if I did deprecate God, God doesn't judge. Humans judge, God doesn't. God just observes and thrills in our actions, and responds to our thoughts, beliefs and cocreates our reality with us.
God is a consciousness, and it pervades everything. If you go to a chemist or biologist and ask her to look at the molecular structure of shit, she's not going to say that the molecules look shitty! She might just go into the technical details of what kind of atoms and molecules bond together to form the thing we call, shit.
But the fact remains, that every object in this world has one thing in common.. It's made up of molecules.
Going one step further into the physics of it: String theory says, that the fundamental essence of all matter is energy and energy vibrating at different rates produces different kinds of matter (correct me if I am wrong).
So what we call 'shit', is just the outward appearance, it's fundamental essence is energy.. You could also call that energy or essence, God. And we all know that God is what we call (w)hol(l)y (or whole), and thus shit is also a part of the whole and hence, holy.

Holy shit!!
Here's an associated funny video: What is sacred?

The concept of God, Part 1

2009-02-16T13:25:00.001-08:00

Once I encountered a definition of God through spiritual books(not to be confused with religious books) that embodies limitlessness, purity and freedom, I find most of the religious definitions of God to be very limiting, and very 'old'.

I think we can all agree that God is something or someone that is omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient.

What does omnipresent mean? It means something that is present everywhere. How can God be present in all of universe, unless God is all of the universe? What does that mean?
It means that Universe is not just God's creation, the Universe is also a part or an extension of God, literally!!!

It means that the stone you see on the road has God consciousness. It means that dirt, flowers, shit, water, good, bad, everything has God consciousness. It also means that we, human beings have God consciousness. This is what is meant by saying that everyone has a divine spark within them.

Many religions think of God to be a perfect bodied male!! Why not female?? Why not just consciousness?? Why the heck are you limiting God to be just a male or a female? Why can't God have no form or why can't God be a flower or a tree or a river or the sky? Why not?? If God is indeed omnipresent and Omnipotent, God can be any or all or none of that. God can also be an alien, God can damn well be anything God wishes to be.

This is the concept of limitless God: A God that can take up any form.. Human form, animal form, plant form, a rock form, any form (or no form) that God chooses. God can be a female, male, transgender, anything that it pleases to be.

I mean, think about it. If humans were ants, and not humans, we would be having an ant god. . If humans were dogs and not humans, we would be having dog gods!!. If humans were plants and not humans, we would be having a plant god/goddess and so on.. Thus we are making up the concept of God, based on how we look.. That is the first step to defining God, but a baby step nevertheless, since we have limited God to have the characterisitcs we have, only in a more perfect way.

Man is made in the image of God, but that image refers to the divine spark within everyone, not to the external physical form.
We look at our external physical form(the body) and say, God should also have a human form.. That to me, based on the previous paragraph is an elementary way to define god.

The definition of God that makes God limitless (not restricting God to be a male or a female or any shape or form), all loving and completely non-judgemental is the definition I will take of God. Indeed, ye are all gods refers to the fact that what makes God, a God is present as a potential in everyone of us. It's only our limited understanding of who we really are that makes us think that we are separate from God, or that we are not powerful as God is, or that we are mere bodies.. No, we are not just bodies, we are spirits that are embodied. This understanding can really transform limiting belief systems into a more expansive, all inclusive and empowering belief system. Let's have that on our earth, let's have a new understanding of a limitless, expansive, all-loving, non-judgemental God and a new understanding of who we really are.

Follow up: Holy shit!! The concept of God, Part 2

Experimentation and experiencing spiritual phenomena

2009-02-13T21:07:00.001-08:00

As a graduate student, I think I have more flexibility in terms of what I can do with my time as compared to people who have a regular job. At any given time, I can either do research, go for a run, do a meditation, read a spiritual book, or simply experiment with stuff.
I have spent a lot of my time reading spiritual books, trying out meditations, trying to see if the methods described in the book actually work. For example, I read an exercise for viewing the aura on the internet and I tried it out in the library:

Auras
While doing a homework in the Odegaard undergraduate library at Udub, I noticed that infront of me was a small placard with something written on it that I don't remember right now. I then thought of testing out this aura stuff on the placard. I read that every colour gives off its complementary aura.
For example, green reflects a pink aura, pink gives green. Similarly, [blue, orange], [Violet,yellow] are auric pairs. The placard in the library was pink, so I expected to see a green colour. I unfocussed(yep your read it right) my eyes around the edge of the placard, and ka-boom, there was the greenish blur around the edges.. If I tried to focus my eyes, the green would vanish.. That's how you see the aura, you unfocus your eyes around the edge of an object.

What about human auras? I stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom of my apartment, partly closed the door so that it was darkish inside but with some light streaming in from the bedroom.
I stood gazing at the edges of my head, unfocussing my eyes to see if I detected anything or any colour. A minute later, I was able to see a thin white band around my head. As soon as I focussed my eyes on the white band, it went out of visibility. So 'being unfocussed' was the trick!
I haven't been able to see aura around people though.. As far as my aura, I can only see the whitish etheric laryer around my body in the mirror.

Energies
I began noticing energies first in my hands while meditating. It was like something was buzzing in my hands.. I think energy is a decent term for this buzzing. It was like wow..what is this buzzing that is happening in my hand. Initially, it only happened when I meditated. Now a days, it happens, every now and then, especially if I am totally into a devotional track.
I also started noticing a sprinkling/tingling/crawling sensation on the top of my head when I meditated. Some say this is a sign of the crown chakra being active. It's like there is some sort of a download that's happening at a portal near my head!
During a Reiki session, I had some pretty cool experiences like a sense of floating, feeling spacey, feeling a lot of heat in certain areas of the body, etc. The Reiki philosophy talks about the Reiki healer being a conduit for the cosmic energy to flow through to those parts of the body that require healing. So experiencing these energies personally, made the Reiki philosophy seem pretty credible.

Lights
I also see flashes of lights every now and then (my eye sight is normal!). I also see blobs of pink colour that stay for a few seconds (I think they could be my guides), though very infrequently.

Synchronicities
Synchronicities refer to meaningful coincidences.. That is coincidences that carry more meaning to you than anyone else. For example, I was walking down to the Safeway store one morning to buy some grocery. Going on in my mind, was whether I should lie about something to someone.. I was in two minds, since I always try to say to the truth unless it is very uncomfortable. Entering Safeway, I heard a song that went,'Just tell the truth...'. Now this could just have been a coincidence, but it had a lot of meaning to me at that moment, and hence it's a synchronicity. Synchronicity is an indication of your being guided or your being in touch with your higher self.

Why am I writing about these experiences? One main reason is that you might have stumbled on this blog (through google for example) and might have had a few of these experiences without knowing if it was your imagination or if it was for real. You might also feel a need to know (I definitely did) if others are having these seemingly unusual experiences that you are having and if these experiences have meaning.
I mean it's one thing to say that you have a pranic or etheric body and another thing to even experience the energies or vibrations associated with that etheric body. So yeah experimentation is a great way (or maybe the only way) to validate the spiritual material you have read.

Rhythmic motion during meditation

2009-02-10T23:04:00.001-08:00

My daily meditation routine is going pretty good, infact I have a good sense of how important meditation is in shaping my thoughts, my composure and behavior, and hence it's kind of the number one thing I would like to do everyday.
Today's meditation was unique in that right from the point where I closed my eyes, I began to sense a ticking inside the body which grew into a gentle rocking of my body back and forth.
It was as if I was acting out how my upper body would be when I do my running.. Going back and forth rhythmically, only that I wasn't doing this action, it was happening involuntarily. And I found it to be quite a pleasant experience..especially the rhythm involved in the motion. Before I began the meditation, I lit a candle and invoked Amora, a higher conciousness, to aid me during the meditation. Altogether 30 minutes of good rhythm.
I blogged on the same topic last year. You can check it out here .

Update: After writing up this blog, I came across an article that resonates with the content in this blog: Meditation in Motion

Making sense of a few spiritual concepts

2009-02-01T20:22:00.001-08:00

While reading new-age, spiritual, religious, self-help books, I came across many concepts that seemed conflicting at first. A deeper examination revealed that they build on each other. For example, there is this concept of 'letting go'. A person who hears this for the first time, might sarcastically comment, 'Oh yeah, let go of your job, it's all good'. And then there is another concept of 'following your bliss or passion'. Do these two concepts seem to conflict with each other?
Now, another concept I have encountered is, 'Nothing matters'. Now you are like, 'that's even worse than letting go'. Well, all these concepts have their contextual frames of reference, where they hold good. So here's my understanding of these concepts:

1. Letting go: Letting go refers to letting go of worries and cares, past hurts, grief, anger, hate, etc. It's not about letting go of your passions or your happiness. This concept comes from the larger than life perspective that whatever is showing up currently in your life in the form of circumstances, people, situations, etc are for your highest good...that essentially circumstances you are currently facing are perfect for your spiritual growth despite apparent evidence to the contrary. It comes from the larger than life perspective that life is meant to be fun, life is a game, we need to enjoy the journey and not worry about the destination. That doesn't mean you don't dream, on the contrary, it means that you could dream as much as possible but don't let your circumstances curtail your beliefs that you can achieve these dreams... As you can see, letting go is in total harmony with 'following your bliss or passions', because you have done away with worries and fears that stop you from pursuing your passion through the process of letting go or surrender.

2. Circumstances don't matter, only state of being matters:
This concept is related to the concept of 'letting go'. This concept is essentially the same as "thought-belief-creation paradigm"[2] or the "Be-do-have" [1] paradigm.
Normally, people look at their cicumstances and say, oh I am having a bad time, if only things were better, I could be more happier and enjoy my life.. This is the 'have-do-be' paradigm. That is, if I have my (fill in: money, skills, time etc), I can do the things I like to do, and therefore be happy. The, 'have-do-be' paradigm comes from the belief that happiness is a product of circumstances.
Now, the new paradigm, the 'be-do-have' paradigm is essentially based on the understanding that happiness is a state of mind and therefore be happy, and your circumstances will change for the better. On the other hand, if you choose to be depressed, worried, fearful,and all the negative states of being, then your circumstances will mirror those states of being..You see this is a vicious circle.
The 'be-do-have' paradigm goes hand in hand with the 'thought-belief-creation' paradigm, which states that your thoughts and beliefs create your reality..literally.
I have tested this concept out, works very well. I thus immediately check myself if I see myself having thoughts that are based on fear or doubt or lack. For example, 'I somehow seem to lack the resources I need to pursue my passion'...This thought is based on 'lack', and by our paradigm, you would get stuck in circumstances that reflect your belief of lack.
Thus, we get this concept of 'Circumstances don't matter, only state of being matters' [3] i.e. to say, irrespective of how good or bad the circumstances seem, they can always get better. For that to happen, stop worrying and change your state of being to happiness or joy or peace and once you change your state of being to joy or peace or happiness, you would then create better circumstances from these positive states of being.

3. Nothing matters
This is the ultimate and one of the broadest spiritual concepts I have encountered.
Though it may be difficult to apply, understanding this concept can keep your boat afloat in the most depressing of times. I have personally come to a realization of this concept through some experiences I had in 2007.
I read about this concept in a book and I asked myself, how can "Nothing matter?". Ofcourse, my grades matter. Ofcourse, money matters. How the heck can you say that nothing matters?
It seemed like I was challenging the universe. The universe responded in kind by giving me a profound experience, where the only way I thought I could get out of the situation was by letting go of my fears, and by understanding that even if the worst possible thing happened to me, that would be ok - Once I came to that level of acceptance of my situation and its worst case possibility, the situation cleared magically and all my fears were unfounded. I then realized that this situation had a lesson for me- Nothing really matters.
The broader spiritual basis for this concept is that death is just a horizon[5] and that you always exist either with a physical body in the physical reality or as a spirit being in the spirit realm[1], which indicates that death is a transition from the physical realm to the spiritual realm; and also that the core of your being or the spirit that you are is a spirit of love, bliss and joy. So despite the seeming travails that you face on earth, when you go back to the spiritual realm, it would seem like you just spent a day on earth, and you are back home, full of joy and full of love.
That is why nothing matters on earth or anywhere, for the core of your being is always untainted and always full of love, bliss and is also eternal[1].

Summary
The three concepts of 'letting go', 'thought-belief-creation paradigm', and 'nothing matters' are in perfect harmony with each other. 'Thought-belief-creation paradigm' is very practical, since once you begin to test this concept out([2]&[3]) (and notice that for example, if you have been thinking of someone all day, you get a call from that person or you get a visit, etc ), you have immediately started empowering yourself with this paradigm. Another way to use this paradigm is to have a list of intentions that reflect what you wish happen in your life and then say those intentions or give thought to those intentions everyday. 'Letting go' is also a useful concept, although, this concept is usually applied in practice once a person reaches a certain level of spiritual growth or if circumstances are such that you surrender to god/goddess/All-that-is and trust that the circumstances are assisting your spiritual growth.
Nothing matters is useful if you want to get the broadest perspective possible on life.. Life is essentially meaningless, it is you who assign meaning to it based on your beliefs and expectations. And circumstances turning out one way or the other doesn't matter, because in the ultimate reality, you are a whole, complete being of love, light, and bliss..you(or we) are essentially god in the ultimate reality. This is explained very well in [1].

References
[1] Conversations with god series. Neale Donald Walsch.
[2] Ask and it's given. Abraham Esther Hicks.

[3] Channeling video by Darryl Anka: Circumstances don't matter.

[4] Spiritual growth. Sanaya Roman.
[5] Autobiography of a yogi. Paramahamsa Yogananda.

Channeled messages resources

2009-01-24T21:55:00.000-08:00

One of the purposes of this blog is to disseminate spiritual knowledge and wisdom that I have gained from my personal experiences (good and bad - though now I just look at them as experiences that altered my perspective - especially the so-called bad ones) and by persual of books. I also take great pleasure in pointing out to sources of knowledge and wisdom on the internet.

The internet is a fantastic place to get inspired messages and spiritual guidance if you know where to look.
Channeling is a form of dissemination of knowledge or wisdom. This is a process where two people are involved. One is the channeler, who acts as a channel or as a medium for the second person or entity. This second person or entity is a non-physical being or a being without a physical body that channels information through the channel or medium.
You might question this whole channeling process. By all means, be sceptical. My take on this is that, the messages being disseminated through the channels are consistent with the knowledge that I gained through reading spiritual books.
Let me give you an example: In the book, 'Home with God' by Neale Donald Walsch,
it is stated that contrary to what many people think, 'The body doesn't house the soul or the spirit, it is the other way around: the soul houses the body'.
The above statement was clarified in a channeling session by Bashar(on youtube) when the entity stated that the soul houses the body and not the otherway around. Did Bashar's channel, Darryl Anka, read 'Home with God'? Well, if he did, he is keeping track of many, many spiritual books and their messages. On the other hand, it seems more likely that this channeling process is legitimate.
So, as in the above example, I just looked to see if the messages have a 'ring' of authenticity and truth to them (based on my existing understanding gained from reading books), but in the process, I also got convinced about the authenticity of this channeling process.
So, my suggestion would be to be 'open' to the channeled messages and see if you find a 'ring' of truth to them.

Below is a list of my favorite channeling links:
On Youtube!
1) Darryl Anka on Bashar
2) Bashar - Circumstances don't matter
3) Tuning in - trailer of a documentary on channeling
4) Veronica
5) St. Germain on love vs fear
6) Steve Rother and group
7) Abraham-Esther-Hicks
8) Galactic council voice
9) Trisha Newton

On Webpages
1) Lightworkers
2) Crimson circle
3) Salusa
4) Kryon
5) A huge collection of channeled messages
6) Wisdom of the light

Have fun and enjoy the learning or remembering.

Shamanic meditation experience

2009-01-21T20:58:00.000-08:00

This was about a week back.
Went to the East-west bookshop in Seattle where there was a shamanic meditation going on at 7 pm.
There were about 10 people in the room. We were all sitting in a circle on chairs. The room was mildly lit with an incense buring in the room to create a calm atmosphere. The instructor started off by talking about meditation in general and shamanic meditation in particular. She then stood in the centre of the circle and started calling the spirits and guides of the east, west, north, south. The instructor also called on the guardian angels and ancestors of people in the room to come in during the shamanic meditation. She asked us what we expected from this session. I mentioned that I would like to meet my spirit guides. Others mentioned that they wanted to just be open a new experience, experience clarity, etc.
The meditation started by the instructor asking us to become comfortable by either lying down or reclining or sitting on chairs. Most of us lied down, 2 of them were sitting on a chair.
She had a 20 minute tape which she played - It was a guided meditation with drum beats in the background.
The meditation began by us being asked to imagine that we are in a lush green forest and that we are in front of descending steps that go into a clearing. We were asked to breath in and out as we descended the steps into the clearing. As we reached level ground, we were asked to visualize a door or a gate into the clearing. As we opened the door, we were to leave our burdens/cares/worries in a basket near the gate. We were then to begin our journey by being open to whatever shows up.
Since, I was intending to meet my spirit guides, I tried visualizing beings of light.. My visualization skills need a lot of improvement, but I could still visualize two beings of light around me. I listened for any communication, but I didn't get any. I was wondering what I should be doing next.
Meanwhile, my body was becoming more and more relaxed, as I listened to the rhythmic drum beat sounds coming from the tape being played. As I began to feel more relaxed, I started sensing vibrations near my chest and on the top of my head. It gradually increased to a point where I stopped trying to visualize my journey through the clearing in the forest and started experiencing these wonderful vibrations on my chest. At one point, I felt like two hands were gently pressing on my chest and sending me warmth, I did feel warmth, and also vibrations. (Reference)
To the readers, I would like to mention that usually when I meditate, I sense vibrations on the top of my head though they were more pronounced during this experience. The vibrations and warmth that I felt on my chest during the above experience were similar to those I felt during a reiki experience I had before.
Also, the drum beats were spacing me out, I felt very light near my chest region and felt like I was floating. The spacing out feeling has so far not been a pleasant experience, but I think I will get used to it soon. For instance, in this blog I had written previously, I was pretty shaken by this experience.

Peoples' experiences
Before I knew it, the meditation had to come to an end. I was pretty relaxed and wanted to stay that way for some more time. The instructor then enquired about our experiences.
One guy mentioned that he was going through the forest, he saw monkeys and then that he was among them and playing with them. Then he went to drink water near a lake and that he was drinking water with other animals and strangely he felt like he was a monkey. His tale went on and on this way and had weird twists and turns to it.
Another guy mentioned that he was a journalist and got an insight on an interesting topic that he could write about.
Others like me mentioned that we experienced vibrations and heat near the chest, head, etc.

The instructor then summarized the experiences by saying that, shamanic experiencers fall into the three broad categories of visionaries, journeymen, and healers.

I asked a few more questions afterwards and that was it. A pretty interesting experience, I must say, though a lot similar to the reiki experience I had earlier.

World of light: Good video

2009-01-18T18:12:00.000-08:00

Introduction
You read these books on philosophy and spirituality and some of them can be abstract to begin with, mind-boggling to begin with, paradigm-shifting to begin with, confusing to begin with... I remember when I first read the 'Complete works of Swami Vivekananda' in my 10th grade/class. I was mind-boggled and confused. It is a great compilation of the essence of vedanta and correlates well with the western spiritual books I have read (E.g.: Conversations with God series by Neale Donald Walsch). The idea that was mind-boggling was the idea of my identity. In that book, Vivekanada explaining the concepts of advaita(or non-dualistic philosophy of creation), said that who you are is not the physical body, who you are is not the mind, who you are is verily the spirit.
The terminology used is: Atman, Brahman.
Atman is analogous to Holy spirit in christianity, and Brahman (not to be confused with Brahma or the creator god) is analogous to Father the God in christianity. Except that, Brahman was supposed to be undescribable. The best analogy that could be given to Brahman was an omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent being of light, knowledge and bliss (sat-chit-ananda). Brahman is supposed to be something that pervades everything and everyplace and everywhen. Brahman is supposed to be the very essence of life and non-life.

So, you have an ideological understanding of the identity. But visually, not so much.
Here comes along a video (see below), that comes close to describing this idea of this magnificent being of light and love that is supposedly our identity, but that we forget this after our birth and assume that we are just the body, that we are just the mind.
As one video I saw mentioned, we are the hosts that inhabit this body, we are the hosts that go beyond time and space, we are the hosts, who are gods. Indeed, ye are all gods. In vedas, it is mentioned, Aham Brahmasmi(I am Brahman or Atman = Brahman, Holy spirit = Father the God).

Watch the colorful video here.

Insight

2009-01-16T10:18:00.000-08:00

Had an insight today. Usually, these insights arise from a better understanding of what you already know..the knowledge you gain from books and experiences. But, some times, the insights seem to come from a source outside of yourself..but then that means you don't know yourself.
Here's an insight I had on spiritual growth:

The process of self-discovery is bitter-sweet to begin with..lots of confusion in the beginning. Slowly your life gets streamlined with the flow and that's when the fun begins...that's when you see the dramas of life for what they are..That's when you stop being afraid of uncertainity and welcome what shows up with open arms.

On balance

2009-01-14T17:49:00.000-08:00

Wow, what a life I have had so far. Seriously, for me, it has been a whirlwind of sorts. I have always been a jack of all trades kind of guy. There are a multitude of activities that I have tried out at some point in time in my life, most of which I have explored only on the surface. Some of them are:
yoga, running, swimming, climbing, biking, hiking, taichi, meditation, maths, writing, quizzing, reading novels, reading spiritual books, thinking or contemplating, etc.

Yoga I learnt in my 5th class, I did it for some time and didn't continue it. I was an avid quizzer during 6th, 7th, and 8th classes. I was a voracious reader of novels in 7th, 8th and 9th class. Running, swimming and biking, I explored quite a bit during my undergraduate years. I even ran a half-marathon and biked upto 90 kms in single day.
I explored tai chi last year and discontinued it.
I have been hiking the last two years in Seattle every once in a while.

Meditation.. well I have been meditating regularly for the last 6 months, I am pleased with my dedication.. Well, it's not hard to meditate actually and I enjoy doing it or rather being myself while meditating.

Maths.. I have been interested in maths and problems in maths since 9th class, when I started scoring well (had a good tutor outside the school). My research is also based in applied mathematics.

The last two years have been a whirlwind of sort as I mentioned earlier. If I can consider running and research in applied mathematics as the physical and intellectual dimensions of my life, then the spiritual dimension of my life has seen a tremendous explosion in the past two years: I have read scores of spiritual books during the past one and a half years and contemplated on how I could apply that knowledge to my life. At the same time, I realized just reading books wouldn't be sufficient.. mere intellectual understanding wouldn't suffice.. so establishing a meditation routine was the most important spiritual step I have ever taken. It has helped me quite a bit on many levels.. some subtle, some explicit.

All the three dimensions seem important to me and I am striving or seeking to balance these dimensions out. I recognize that meditation is fundamental to my composure and my spiritual growth. I recognize that running will give me an energy boost and connect me with nature (there are quite a few running trails nearby).
I also understand that research is sort of what I would call my 'career'.

Balancing these three dimensions is what I am looking at, at this point in my life, although the spiritual dimension is definitely overpowering the other two dimensions right now.. Let's see how the drama unfolds!!

Feeling sleepy while meditating

2009-01-12T15:06:00.000-08:00

A visitor friend to this blog, Mitra, commented in the previous blog that a meditation which leads to sleep wouldn't be a right way of meditating. I pondered on it and here are my thoughts on when I actually fall asleep while meditating:

1) If you go back to my first formal experiment on meditation in February 2008, in most of these meditations, I was falling asleep. I didn't know why that was happening then.. now I do. I was sleeping 4-5 hrs a day during that period during the week and around 10 hrs a day during the weekend.
The lack of sleep was intensified when I meditated.
So here's my intuition or insight on falling asleep during meditation: If you are very tired or have a sleep deficit (i.e. not having slept properly during the past few days), then when you meditate, you would tend to fall asleep almost immediately.
This is good, it is a sign from your body, that you need to give it the adequate rest, which for some reason, you have been evading.

2) Today morning for example, I woke up refreshed and when I meditated for 25 minutes, I felt relaxed and alert, no hints of drowsiness. Ofcourse, I didn't just jump to meditation, I did my usual morning rituals and got down to meditation.

3) Meditation can be used as an aid to fall asleep if for some reason, sleep evades you. I had some problems falling asleep during the time I began meditating (Feb - March 2008), so meditating in the night helped me fall asleep quicker.
Another aid to fall asleep is deep relaxation/shavasana. Shavasana or corpse posture in yoga is usually performed towards the end of a yoga session to relax and refresh the body.
This blog has some nice relaxation/meditation techniques including the shavasana technique.
A good article on staying awake during meditation.

Establishing a meditation routine
A good online course on meditation, which I subscribed to through email is Jeanie Marshall's Meditate now course. This course helped me establish a daily meditation routine. The meditation technique in this course is based on focusing on your breath, also known as ana-pana-sati, a buddhist meditation technique. So if you are reading this line and are interested in meditation, my suggestion would be to jump right ahead and subscribe to this course; it is free and will give you a taste of meditation.

Meditation update

2009-01-11T15:07:00.000-08:00

I came back from India after a 3 week stay. I was well-fed and well-rested (partly due to my falling sick). I didn't meditate much though. My daily meditation routine went awry. Right now, back in seattle, my meditation routine is back on target.
My morning routine includes meditation followed by intention setting. I consider intention setting very important since I have noticed that a continual intending leads to manifestation. One of my intentions is to say my intentions everyday! How wonderful is that.
Today I did my usual meditation of just passively observing the thoughts without participating with them.. just like English people watch cricket.. They are passive observers(like me) and the players in the field(bowlers, batsmen, fielders) are the thoughts. Towards the end of the meditation (25 mintues later), I imagined a ball of light in the center of my chest and sent out love to the universe. Strange, huh? Well, I didn't experience something big when I did this, but I tell you, these meditations are a gradual process...you notice effects gradually, when you are consistent in doing them. I then read the second chapter of the book, 'Soul Love' by Sanaya Roman. This book is all about meditations, specifically guided light meditations to get in touch with your higher self. The second chapter describes the solar light meditation, I felt good doing it and would like to incorporate it into my daily meditation routine.
That's it for now.. For those of you just getting started on this thing called meditation, there is a nice book called 'Hurry up and meditate' by David Michie.
Find it here.

I will put up a post on how the 'solar light meditation' goes in about a month or so.

A grand idea on the human identity

2008-12-09T00:00:00.000-08:00

The ‘grand’ idea:
ko aham? so(sah) aham!
(Translation: Who I am? That I am!)
Indeed, "Who am I?" is the one of the most fundamental questions that can ever be asked.
The question of one's identity is usually taken for granted. Do you identify yourself by your interests..but those are fleeting and usually change over time. Do you identify yourself by your friends, they change too. It seems like there is a constant redefining of who one is.. every moment of one's life, even if one is not aware of this ongoing process.
Looking outwards into the world is one way to learn about who you are. Another way is to look inwards.
The grandest of the ideas on the subject of identity is that the human identity is perceived to be limited, when in actuality it is not.

Imagine an infinite column of energy that cuts itself into infinite number of finite parts..Now imagine that these finite parts take shape and form and imagine that these finite parts create different worlds by accessing the infinite source energy that they are a part of.
These finite parts pretend to live in those worlds that they created and make merry. These finite parts give themselves names and think that they are different from the other, simply because they have different names and shapes and interests! Now, imagine that these finite parts lose their connection with that infinite column of energy of which they are a part of, since they are caught up being ‘busy’ in their own world.
Now imagine a while later, these finite forms of energy begin to question their identity.. Who am I? Am I really this limited form or is there something more to my reality and my existence? One of the finite forms of energy even contemplates this on his spiritual blog :)

There are two 'aha' moments here. One is that the infinite one, the infinite energy can split itself up into so much of a diversity that the diverse parts consider themselves to be different and have their own identity.
The second 'aha' moment is when the diverse parts of the one, begin to question their own identity and begin to believe in this grand idea and ultimately know that 'unity in diversity' was not merely a manner of speaking but that it was referring to the ultimate grand truth.

Therefore, the grandest of the ideas is that we are a part of that infinite source pretending to be a finite form of energy (namely a body-mind complex). The grandest of the ideas is that all of life is just a game that is being played (matrix level). The grandest of the ideas is that we survive death, simply because we are a part of the collective (infinite number of finite forms of energy) that created this game of life, for the experience. The ‘identity’ not only survives death, the identity expands beyond death into that infinite source.

Note: The ‘that’ in the third line refers to the infinite source.

Some excellent wisdom transmitted through channels on youtube

2008-11-19T22:02:00.000-08:00

You can get spiritual food for thought, wisdom, from a multitude of sources in our digital age:
a) Experiences in life: They teach you a lot don't they..especially the "bad" ones.
That relationship that didn't work out and left a hole in your heart taught you about yourself, it refocussed you perhaps on what's more important in your life. Maybe you found the love you are seeking within yourself.
Personally, I have learnt a lot from graduate school. It has been a whirlwind 2 years so far, and I can't even begin to tell you how important these two years have been in shaping my spiritual perspective, that broader, larger than life perspective.
It has taught me so many things: how to respect people irrespective of their standing, how to be honest, how to not be too hard on myself.. I used to push myself hard and condemn myself when I didn't meet my goals. I learnt to be very gentle with myself. I also learnt about unconditional love due to a relationship. I thank that person for that experience.
These two years, have been far more enlightening spiritually, in building my character, my personality so to speak than academically. Academically too, I have learnt to become more efficient and focussed, but my greatest gift to myself so far have been the worst experiences I have had. For, I have learnt a lot about myself from these experiences.

b)Books: The single most inspiring source of wisdom and comfort I have had during the roller-coaster of my graduate school experience.
Numerous books have helped me understand the importance or lack thereof of so many things in life. Again, the most important thing I have learnt or understood is the perspective that makes life tick spiritually, physically and emotionally.
Perspective is such an important tool, for it is perspective that shapes your perception of reality and it is the way you perceive your experience that makes you label an experience as 'good' or 'bad'. Someone who had a laid back attitude in life would take a so called 'bad' experience much more easily than a person who is 'rigid' in his or her beliefs.
Well, do we need books to change our perspective? Apparently, some of us do. For some of us, even books don't suffice.. we need hard-hitting experiences to come to a point where we say, enough is enough.. this is not how I am going to live my life, this is not how I am going to look at my life or as in my case, I took on a perspective that "nothing really matters", which is not to say you don't do anything. But, what this "nothing really matters" means is that, circumstances are just circumstances without a label of good or bad, it is we that attach this label of 'good' or 'bad' to circumstances according to our beliefs and perspective. You may not be able to change the circumstances in your life, not just yet maybe, but you could definitely alter "your experience" of it, by having a much broader perspective in life.

c) Youtube: Yep baby. Youtube is just a click away and among the gazillion videos out there, there are some that really send the message across. Some of these videos, are delivered by non-physical entities through a trance channel medium. Now, you don't have to worry too much about the authenticity of these mediums, but believe me, the messages are as good in wisdom, clear and practical as I have ever come across in the many spiritual books that I have leafed through.
Here are some of them:

1) We bid you a great greeting, we are veronica!!!
2) Circumstances don't matter, only state of being does
3)On love

Enjoy and learn.

Wonderful interview with Tulku Thondup 'plus' some reflection

2008-11-14T21:55:00.000-08:00

Read it here.
I just ordered the book, "Boundless healing" by Tulku Thondup. I was in the university bookstore browsing through books, when I came across the book. I leafed through the chapters and liked the clear, succinct messages and meditation exercises.

Going beyond reading
Now, the important thing about buying spiritual books, I have realized, is to not just buy them and read 'em up like a paperback novel. Ofcourse, you will be doing that in the beginning, when you get on to this thing called the 'spiritual journey'. Once, you get the basic idea behind what this 'spiritual journey' is all about, it's time for action. It's time to stop bragging to yourself or others about the books you read, and actually implement the principles and the broader perspective you gain through these books into your life and see if there is truth to these meditations and if you feel more peaceful, etc.
I have been meditating regularly since July 11th 2008. Missed only a day or two so far.
Have I become enlightened? He he, that's a funny question.
Well, my understanding is that enlightenment is a process. It's not about getting there and it's all over. No, it's never over. But it get's better and better and better. More peace, more joy, more happiness, one little footprint at a time.

Effects of meditation
So how has my life changed since I began meditating? Again, a funny question. Not much externally. I am still doing research, being a geeky grad student, making two ends meet (well fortunately it does meet comfortably). It's not about what has changed externally, it's about what is changing within me. It's a subtle process, it's so subtle that you don't notice it.. Unless you do. I place a lot of emphasis these days on thought, word and deed. Because, I have come to believe, that what I think, say and act upon ultimately creates my reality, irrespective of how bleak it is out there, irrespective of what others say or think I am capable of, irrespective of.. well.. the list goes on. Note, that this thought-belief-creation paradigm is still a belief, albeit a strong one, in me.
Here's an interesting statement:
Whether or not you believe that your thoughts, speech and actions create your reality, that is whether or not you believe in this thought-belief-creation paradigm, you are right.
Because if you don't believe that your thoughts create your reality, you will see your life that way. You will think that, what the heck, I don't control my life, I just do damage-control all the time life throws the kitchen sink at me.. and you will be right... Because that's what you believe in.
So, there is no escaping this thought that your thoughts, your beliefs, your actions influence your future.

Ofcourse, you can't just explain away your life saying that: I brought on the bad experiences I had in my life, because I didn't take control of my life. Here's where, the bigger picture kicks in:
Certain experiences, especially the "bad ones", act as catalysts for change and therefore are supposed to be part of the "master plan". They force you to examine yourself, to take a deep look at yourself, and ask, what went wrong? Is this who I really am? And then you come to a new understanding of who you really are!!!

Who am I? - The fundamental question
This question, "Who am I?" is the most fundamental question you can ever ask yourself.
Some people might respond, 'what kind of a question is this? I am 'fill in your name'''.
Do you realize that your name is just a label. Now moving beyond, people would say I am my body. Some would say, I am just a bunch of atoms. Really? Do you think of yourself that way?
Because, I think that really forces you to examine how the bunch of atoms that make you up is gelled up together, so to speak, and does not fall apart.
Some say I am my mind. Some say, I am the mind-body complex.
Let's look at what the ancient texts have to say:

1) According to the vedas, we are not just made up of one body, but sheaths of bodies:
The physical body, the energy body, the mental body, the intellectual body, the causal body, and then comes the soul, the real you!
Wow, so if that's true, where is my energy body, I can't perceive it!.. That's a good statement.
Seeing is believing, right. Well, it depends on whether you can see properly or not!
One of the effects of meditation is that I am able to sense energy around me.

Sensing energy
For example, when I sit down to meditate, I sit in the traditional lotus posture (padmasana)
and I curl up the index finger so that it's tip touches the tip of the thumb on both the hands. Two months into the meditation, I could sense energy pulsing in and out of the tip of the index and thumb fingers when I sat down to meditate.
Also, I have had involuntary body movement during some of my meditations.
[Clearly to me, I wasn't causing it. Because, if I stopped the body movement, it would begin again - involuntarily.
I wasn't sick during that time, ofcourse I was having a lot going on in my mind, but no indications of any disease, physical or otherwise. During those early periods of my meditation practice, whenever I sat down to meditate, a gentle 'ticking' would begin at the base of my spine and gradually expand throughout my whole body so that I would be swaying rhythmically within a minute.]

Other small things I notice is that, when I bring my palms together, facing each other, and with 5 inch gap (or any small gap) between the plams, I can sense energy exchange between the two palms. Now, what the heck is this energy exchange? When I move the hands apart, I feel as if something is tearing apart as if a rubber sheet was being stretched apart and when I bring the hands together I feel a pull again. It's a subtle sensation but very distinct. So, again, this is another example of what I mean by sensing energy.
Is this energy I am sensing, a part of the energy body? I don't know, but I believe so. You can't escape belief. You investigate a little, you believe a little. You believe a little, you get more clues and that's the game I am playing here.

Another experience, I frequently have these days, especially when I do visualization meditations or healing meditations (I visualize that I am bathed by healing light that permeates my energy body - oh yeah, putting theory into practice) is that:
I sense tingling sensations or crawling sensations on my head and sometimes on my forehead too.. but mostly on the top of my head. It might be because I have a lot of dandruff in my hair (!!), but why does the tingling have to happen only when I meditate and especially when I visualize healing light permeating my energy body?

Life after death
If it's true that we are made up of more than one body, what happens after death. Here's the kicker: Only the physical body dies, the other bodies continue to another plane of existence. What does this mean? It means that you, as you know yourself to be, your identity, as you think yourself to be, continues to exist beyond death.
Again, this is a belief, but near-death experiences kind of confirm this phenomenon of life after death.
Isn't it amazing to know and believe, that life exists after death, not as a mere fantasy of our imagination to alleviate the suffering that surrounds death, but as an actual reality, as real as I feel my fingers typing this sentence, if not, more real.

What do you fear?
What is the worst thing you can fear. Most will say death. Some say, they don't fear death, but the experience of dying itself. Oh common, how long are you going to be in this 'process of dying'. Ofcourse, if it's a terminal illness, which is a long process of getting to death, it's going to be painful...But again, it all depends on your perspective. If you firmly believe (with parts of your belief validated consistently by books and maybe your experiences too - out of body experience, for example) that life moves on after death :- you strip your physical body during death
just as you would strip down before you hit the sack, then you are actually releasing a heavyweight, your physical body and becoming lighter..and moving into light. He he, this is getting funny and I am getting light-headed...even more funny.

If you don't fear death, your worst fears are put to rest. Fear of losing a job, fear of losing a relationship, pale in comparison to the fear of death. But if you don't fear death, because of a deep understanding that you gain from reading spiritual books and also from meditation experiences (and/or some might add - salvia divinorum), your whole perspective towards death changes: There's no more deep mourning at funerals, atleast for you, since you understand that this guy who is dead is not really dead and is actually quite happier and lighter with the burden (physical body) that he has shed and you might actually want to celebrate death. And, the wonderful interview above, talks about the importance of understanding in a little more detail, this wonderful death - because it is supposed to be a wonderful experience.

Some books on death:
1) Home with God by Neale Donald Walsch - A clean spiritual book with ground-breaking ideas on death.
2) Heart links by Louise Platt Hauck - A nice book of real life (or death stories) on communicating with the dead or shall we say, 'not so dead'. Ha ha.
3) Buddhist texts - Tibetan book of the dead (I have not read this book).
4) Vedas and upanishads - Not on death per se but throw a lot of light on the ultimate question - "Who am I?" which, amazingly is consistent with all the spiritual literature I have come across on the question of human identity.

Hail Barack Obama

2008-11-06T14:51:00.000-08:00

What an amazing candidate with extraordinary oratorical abilities whose speeches inspire you at the core of your being. I am really happy for America, I am also happy for the black community in America and the hopes it brings them to see someone of their own become the president of United states. You should take a look at some of his speeches on youtube to see the truth and heart-felt conviction with which his speeches are given.
The one below seemed to me a really exquisite speech. It's hard to imagine that a politician can speak about ideals with so much conviction and consistency, as does Barack Obama. Hat's off to you, Mr. President.

Neale Donald Walsch, the author of a best-selling series of books, "Conversations with God", frequently talks about spiritualizing politics (that is doing away with all the mud-slinging that is oft a part of political campaigns and actions, and at the same time coming from core priniciples and ideals that reflect a strong character and a strong leader). And Barack Obama, I think is one person who lives up to his ideals both in private life and in public perview, which is important to be a leader who spiritualizes politics.

Excellent video on the concept of god

2008-11-02T23:35:00.000-08:00

Watch the following video: It's hilarious to say the least and more importantly has a good message.
How we make up our ideas on god

Morning meditation vs Night meditation

2008-10-17T22:44:00.001-07:00

Morning meditation:

Pros
1) You are fresh in the morning after a decent night's sleep. Your mind isn't filled with thoughts of the day's work. It's a clean slate unless you have got some pressing appointment during the day. But you can switch off that worrying mind just for those 20 0r 30 minutes and get a good start on the day.
2) Helps you be centred before you begin the day which ofcourse affects how you go about your day.

Cons
1) I don't think there are many cons. One disadvantage of meditating in the morning, specially if you are just getting into making this a habit is that you can skimp on the duration of meditation. This might be because you have to get going quickly because you woke up late or you have to prepare for a meeting, etc. But again, if the habit of early morning meditation is established, then this shouldn't be a problem.
I mean, you wouldn't skip brushing your teeth because you had to prepare for a meeting, would you?

Night Meditation:

Pros
1) It has helped me sleep better and sooner. As a graduate student, I find that it is easier to sleep late than early. What happens when you meditate after a tiring day is that because you are tired, your body goes into a recharging/relaxing mode and the brain gets the cue to trigger sleep and you feel sleepy.
2) I look forward to my night meditations because there is no time limit I have to follow (I don't have to get going for work) and it's also pretty quiet at say, 11:30 pm.

Cons
1) I wouldn't call this a con, but since we are limited to a pros vs cons discussion, I would say that if I meditate close to my sleep times, my meditation gets truncated because 10 minutes into the meditation, I am very sleepy. Almost like, my head is going to hit the floor if I don't exercise control.

I would view the above text as a healthy comparison of morning vs evening/night meditation. I just started meditating regularly 3 months ago, so I have found that a morning and night meditation is pretty fun-tastic.
Sometimes when I meditate during the middle of the day, I feel sleepy immediately. This is like a signal to me (the ego, the mind, etc) that my body is running on a sleep deficit. I like those reminders.

My core spiritual beliefs

2008-10-10T23:02:00.000-07:00

Here are my core beliefs. Feel free to disagree with them. These beliefs are not taken from any religion but are definitely borrowed from the multitude of spiritual (not to be confused with religious) books that I have read:

a) We are all one (despite the apparent physical differences) - The essence of us all is one.
String theory in theoretical physics says that the fundametal elements of our body are not atoms or sub-atomic particles but strings of 'energy' that have different vibration frequencies. If our fundamental essence is indeed energy, and if energy can neither be created nor destroyed, then the next belief follows:
b) There is no death. Death is just a horizon, death is to the physical body, not to my 'identity'. My 'real self' doesn't die. And 'self-realization' is all about knowing and experiencing this 'real-self' which is eternal. That is to say, I don't fear death. Why will you fear an illusion?
c) God is not a person, sitting out there in heaven. God is in the present moment, in the mundane, in everything basically: God is an omni-present, omni-scient, omni-potent entity. Hence, it makes perfect sense to see god in every 'thing' (even rocks or mud or filth/garbage or air or water, etc) and every 'sentient being' (person: male, female, asian, black, white, blue; animals, birds, earthworms!!, reptiles, etc ).
In short, I believe that anything that you can imagine (Real or unreal) is a part of god. There is only 'one'.. but that 'one' has infinite 'manifestations', giving rise to these multitude of lifeforms and universes.
The mistake religions do is to limit god to a human form. If god is indeed a 'god', shouldn't that 'god' be all-encomapssing? Shouldn't that god have no boundaries? If god is really 'god', then it should be able to take up any form it so chooses or no form at all. Only then will god be truly limitless. Why don't religions get this?
Also my concept of god is one that loves unconditionally, a god that does not judge or condemn. Some religions have a hard time understanding this concept. Also they inject the component of fear anywhere and everywhere. You have to fear god's wrath, etc.. What total crap!!!
Man is made in god's image. The problem is that the man faltered. God didn't. So if you equate a
faltered man to a god, that is a mistake. A faltered man judges people, condemns people.
A sage neither condemns nor judges. A sage exudes peace and unconditional love. Now, equating a sage to god makes sense.
d) We are on this earth for a reason. We are here to learn from our experiences and grow.. grow spiritually. Indeed we are spiritual beings having a human experience (oft quoted).
e) Reincarnation exists and makes sense since if you only had a lifetime, your growth is limited to the experiences learnt from that particular lifetime. But you are a spiritual being that keeps on evolving (See d)), therefore, it makes sense to have many lifetimes of the 'earth experience' to evolve and learn all possible lessons on the earth plane of existence.

My first ever(professional) reiki experience

2008-10-10T22:13:00.000-07:00

In short it was relaxing, it was interesting, and it was "spacey".

Detailed description
The Reiki session was held in a spa room. I comfortably settled onto a nice bed, laying on my back, and I was told to relax myself and be open to any experience I would have and also be open to let the ki or chi or prana do its work. Eileen started out with placing her hand gently on my chest and then going on to behind my neck, my forehead, my scalp, then moving down to the shoulder and chest again. Each hand placement was initially made for a minute or two. Thus far, I was just relaxed and didn't feel any sensations or heat that are usually said to accompany a Reiki experience.
She then moved her hand to my chest and placed it there for a prolonged period.. I started feeling heat on my chest and felt 'lightness' in the chest.
I asked her if she still had her hand on my chest, for I was not sure, even though I 'felt' pressure, as though from a hand. Just as I asked this question, I felt her two hands on my feet. Wow, so her two hands were on my feet, and I was feeling pressure on my chest, just as if there was a hand placed there. This was amazing. The pressure stayed for a while. Periodically, I was reminded to take deep breaths and allow the chi to work through.
I was then asked to flip over and Eileen worked her hands on my back and did I feel some heat there or what. I wasn't imagining it for sure, it was searing out there, though in a sort of bearable way. Eileen worked on the back of my neck, my hands. I remember her pressing my hand hard and the pressure stayed (similar to the chest), even though she went to work on my legs.
So this was again the case where, there was pressure applied onto my legs from her two hands and then there was the 'phantom hand' (sure did feel like that) applying pressure on my wrist.

At this point, I started feeling spaced out. I was feeling a little disoriented and the eastern instrumental music in the background seemed to be aiding this 'spacey' feeling. I was kind of scared, and mentioned this to Eileen. She suggested that I imagine myself grounding my body to the earth. I did that visualization and in a few minutes, I felt less dis-oriented. This dis-orientation is really new to me. I have felt this feeling once before, when I was undergoing a lot of changes in my life. And as before, it felt frightening and weird.

The reiki master mentioned that she had seen very few clients getting 'spacey' on their first reiki session. Hmm, I have been meditating regularly, the past three months, and that might have contributed to my current experience. So, after exchanging some more ideas, and having my questions answered (a lot of them), I left the place feeling a little 'spacey' but oriented back to the so-called 'real' world.

Principles:
So from what I understand, the philosophy behind Reiki is that: The 'chi' (china) or 'Ki' (Japan) or 'Prana' (India) or the life force is a universal energy that can supposedly be tapped by anyone if required. Reiki is one such way of tapping into this 'ki'. The patient's or client's body is considered intelligent and wherever there is a need, the body directs the flow of the Ki through the Reiki Master's hands to the affected part of the body. So, in accordance with this understanding, Eileen let me know that I needed the energy most on my back and shoulders and hence I felt the ki there as 'a lot of heat'. This makes sense, since I sometimes carry a laptop along with many books in my backpack and my shoulders and back take a beating when I do that.

I am going to go for some follow-up reiki sessions and see how they go and what I experience.
I am pretty open to energy work and the like. It fits my belief system pretty well (although you don't need a belief system for Reiki, which is a secular practice) .

Reiki session

2008-10-09T22:36:00.000-07:00

I am gonna try out Reiki tomorrow. Scheduled for a 1 hr session with Eileen Dey.
Will post my first experience of Reiki...well actually not the first. I remember getting a mini reiki from my uncle, when he placed his hand on my forehead and I could feel the heat on my forehead..This was when I was in 5th grade. Hmm, anyway, I am excited..

Devotional song + Trance track = Awesomeness

2008-10-08T20:55:00.000-07:00

Twice a day meditation

2008-10-07T22:35:00.000-07:00

I have upped my meditation practice to twice a day, roughly 20 minutes per session.
The last few weeks I haven't been having a great sound sleep for different reasons. I started incorporating meditation before sleep and so far (past one week), my sleep has turned out better.

It's amazing how you can give the excuse, " I don't have the time".. Do you mean to say, every moment of your life is occupied in some task or the other, without a break? I don't know about married folks, they sure have a lot going in their life, but bachelors like me, we don't have a good excuse to give for not finding time. I spend around 1 hr everyday doing random surfing (including checking mails, etc). Surely, that's not a great way of spending time is it?
You can always divert a portion of your day towards meditation..You will always find the time, if you are committed to meditation and realize its benefits in your life.
And don't worry about the lost time, the paybacks from committing to a meditation practice is pretty good.. balance, centredness, inner peace, joy, living in the moment, etc.

I see my meditation fit neatly into the morning ritual: Get up, have a bath, meditate, breakfast and off to work. When you think of meditation as a part of your routine, it's automatic.. There's no.. "Oh, I have to meditate today". Do you think, "Oh, I have to brush today?". It's automatic and almost sub-conscious.

Feeling 'cool' during meditation

2008-09-22T14:15:00.000-07:00

No, I am not talking about meditation being cool.. Well, it is if you ask me.
I am talking about the body, and more specifically in my case, the chest feeling 'cool' during meditation. This happened to me today. I sat down today for meditation for 20 minutes as usual. I felt very peaceful during the start of the meditation with my body feeling light too. Towards the end of my meditation, I felt small waves of coolness radiate from my chest... How do I describe this?
Have you had a cool mint.. How did your mouth or throat feel after sometime.. Pretty 'cool' right?
Now, the same 'cool' feeling in your heart or your chest.. That's what I felt.
Now, as to it's interpretation: Here's one. Boy, that feeling is still perceptible as I type this, 20 minutes after my meditation.
Supposedly, this minty feeling is an indication of heart chakra opening. Let's see.

I have been meditating every day for the past couple of months and the major benefit I have had from meditation is a feeling of centeredness and peace. What more is needed in life? Maybe joy? Well, all in due time.

Near death experiences

2008-09-13T16:02:00.001-07:00

Some cool stories:

1) Beyond the veil
2) Into the void

Two videos:

1) Youtube
2) Stroke of insight

Meditation videos

2008-08-28T22:29:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of cool meditation videos on youtube. Some of my favorites below:

The sunset meditation video on this page is beautiful. Watch it if you have the time.

Meditation: From a swift river to a placid lake

2008-08-20T18:23:00.001-07:00

Imagine yourself in a canoe moving on a swift and turbulent river. Can you stare into the depths of the river? Heck no.. You only have time to stare ahead and keep the canoe steady. After a while, the river reaches level ground and slows down, but the moementum generated thus far still makes the river move quickly, though less turbulently. Now, you try staring into the river, you can see some fishes below the surface, but no more than that.After a while, you notice that the river branches out into different tributaries. You choose to move on one of them.. You immediately notice a difference.. The water has slowed down quite a bit and it is moving along gently. You can stare at the bottom of the tributary and see the rough outline of the river-bed.
This is quite an improvement from the swift and turbulent river you started out on.
You keep rowing on the canoe and the tributary opens up into a vast lake. As you enter the lake, you notice that the lake is very still and that the movement of water around you is only due to the movement of the canoe. You slow down the canoe to a halt and stare into the lake.. You find the water is very clear, very placid and that you can easily see everything below the surface unto the depth of the lake.

Now, the connection of the above canoeing experience to meditation:
Meditation is a journey like canoeing. In the beginning, the mind flows swiftly and turbulently with a lot of thoughts, some of them quite wild. It's hard to silence the thoughts.. You just try to get through the meditation just like you just focus on keeping the canoe steady when it's on turbulent waters.
As you steady your practice of meditation, the mind slows down, though thoughts still come and go as they will. You experience very brief periods of calmness during the meditation.
You stick to your meditation practice and after a while, you find that the periods of silence keep increasing.. the river has slowed down quite a bit and the water is very clear.. the mind is like a tributary of the river.
Moving on, one day you find that you had one of those 'perfect meditations' - Your mind became a lake and you had virtually no thoughts..

This is the progress in meditation - You start with the mind being in the turbulent and swift river phase, moving onto the fast but less turbulent river, to the slow but clear tributary to the placid and still lake.

It is easy to lose heart in the swift and turbulent phase of the meditation, since sitting still seems so difficult. But once you move on to the fast river or slow tributary stage, you would have established a good meditation practice that would ultimately lead you to the placid lake - deep inner peace and happiness.

Note: I didn't come up with the river analogy to meditation, I read about it in a meditation book called, "Joy of living - " by Rinpoche Mingyur. Ofcourse, I changed the analogy a bit, by adding a canoe and giving the idea of a journey!
Right now, I would say I am somewhere in between the fast river and the slow tributary phase of meditation.

Death

2008-07-27T21:45:00.001-07:00

Death...This five letter word evokes many emotions in hearts of people. The most basic emotion that comes out is fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of what would happen to our 'identity' after death. Will life as we know stop existing? Will I shed this body and take up another?
What is going to happen? I don't know.. So I am afraid..Afraid of the unknown.
Well, if you think logically, whatever happens after death will happen whether you fear that or not. So why fear death at all?
And if you start thinking on death philosophically, referring to some texts, your belief in life after death gets stronger and with that you belief, you wouldn't say,
"May his soul rest in peace..".
You would say, "May his soul enjoy its newfound freedom and rejoice and celebrate...". Indeed, some communities see death as a cause for celebration, not one for deep mourning.

Spiritual Update

2008-07-16T20:35:00.000-07:00

Spiritually, I am doing many things these days - Indeed, I have been known to be a jack of all trades, but I would also like to become a master of a few of them.
I am meditating regularly, though not at a scheduled time. I usually come to the university and meditate in the library! My house is not very conducive for meditation because it is right next to a busy arterial.
I am going for Tai-chi class every week and that's complementing my meditation.
I did an Art of Living course recently and practice sudarshan kriya atleast once a week.
I am going for running/hiking atleast once a week. Hiking, I have found is a very healing proposition. Being around in the woods calms and soothes the mind.
I usually do a 'do nothing, observe your mind' meditation. But of late, I am trying out the 'mindfulness meditation', where I observe the breath and through that I also become more aware of my surroundings.

Spiritual books inventory

2008-05-29T23:16:00.000-07:00

I thought a post on the books I have read, am reading, wish to read would make up a good post. Also, in future posts, I would like to capture the essence of these books.
I will be continually modifying this blog as I read more and more books and I will also capture the essence of the books briefly below.

Books read:

--------------

1) The Complete works of Swami Vivekanada - An astounding book covering the vedantic philosophy of monotheism and eternal reality. Also covers the four prinicple yogas - Karma, Jnana, Bhakti and Raja yoga in detail. Swami Vivekanada was a great spiritual leader and monk. His most famous quote is: "Arise, awake. Stop not till the goal is reached".

2) Conversations with God series (Neale Donald Walsch) which include several books: Book 1,2,3. Home with God. Communion with God. Friendship with God. Tomorrow's God. - A wonderful series.
Note, though this book is titled Conversations with God - this book is not affliated with any religion and it revolutionizes the idea of what a God is - God is more than a mere person - God is emptiness. God is the all in all. God is life and God is Change.

3) Soul stories by Gary Zukav - Simple life stories, but profound spiritual lessons - That's the essential theme of this book. The life stories are taken from the author's life but the author took the liberty to modify them as necessary.

4) Past lives, Future Growth by Armand Marcotte - See life through the eyes of an accomplished Psychic. I believe that we are all psychics. Many people cosider psychic powers to be otherworldly. But Psychic powers are something that can be as intrinisic as the power of sight, the power of speech or the power of hearing. It can basically be seen as a latent power.
The essence of this book is that many problems we face in life might be carried over from past lives. We live lives to understand who we are and basically remember who we are through life's various experiences. If we don't learn our lessons in one life, those lessons need to be learnt in subsequent lives.
The essential perspective is that life's trials and tribulations are lessons for us - lessons for developing our character, lessons to grow spiritually, lessons to realize who we truly are and what our true potential is. Some lessons not learnt in previous lives are therefore carried forth to subsequent lives and this is where Armand comes into the picture - He lets you know what is the lesson to be learnt from the trial you are undergoing. He is helped by his spirit guides as is described in the book.
A wonderful book - I suggest you read this book with an open mind and be open to the ideas in the book, which are more important.

5) Miscellaneous ebooks: There are many ebooks that I have read that gave me a good understanding of the essence of Hindu Philosophy. You can look for ebooks by Swami Sivananda, Vivekananda, Krishnananda. Hindu Philosophy and new-age spirituality have a lot in common.
Both agree on the oneness of life - the essence of all kinds of life forms - animals, humans, even inanimate objects such as rocks, pebbles, and mountains is the same. Interestingly, String theory in Physics also says that the fundamental unit of matter is "Energy"!!! These energy are represented through strings which vibrate at different rates. The different rates of vibrations totally decide the shape, density, colour and other characteristics of matter (objects) that we see around the world. What does this mean? Appearances can be deceptive. According to string theory, strings (Energy forms) are more fundamental than the elementary particles discovered by Quantum physics.
In this context of string theory and Quantum physics, I have a read called "Hyperspace" by Michio Kaku. I highly recommend this book for readers who are interested in the progress made by physics in the past few decades in the understanding of what matter is fundamentally made up of.

6) "Call" - I read this book at the udub book store today (June 5th 2008). It's a book that in very plain english explains how the author had his spiritual call. Everyone receives the call, only a few are aware of it, and fewer heed it. The book explores the type of calls one can receive and is a philosophical delight to read.

7) Songs of the soul - I read this book recently (June 2nd 2008). It's a basic but very foundational book in how one begins on the spiritual path.
The key concepts are forgiveness, unconditional love (this word is often the least understood word in our human experience), one-ness of beings. The all in all is verily the self. The self is verily unconditional love, total joy, and total freedom.
All these words are synonyms of the essence, the brahman, the atman, the tao, the chi, the prana, the father, the holy spirit, the jesus, the rama, the krishna, the GOD. In Art of living, I believe, there is an exercise where you say to the other person, "You belong to me". This is a practical expression of "We are all one".
Note, that this needn't be a metaphorical statement and it is not. The essence in everybody is the same, the energy that drives the universe is present in every sentient and non-sentient object and that energy is "who you really are".

8) Soul Traveler by Albert Taylor - Describes the experiences of Albert Taylor in astral travel. We are pure consciousness covered by layers of bodies - There is the physical body, the astral body, the causal body, and so on. Albert actually narrates through his experiences what it feels like to shed one body and assume another one.
Taylor highlights that although soul travel might seem like an extreme adventure, out of the world experience (literally), such experiences also come with a sense of responsibility.
Books in progress:

---------------------

1) Joy of living: A wonderfully simple book that touches on the various aspects of meditation from a Buddhist perspective. What are the common pitfalls that a beginner faces. Strategies to regularize the meditation practice. Fruits of meditation. Some results of scientific tests on the benefits of meditation.

2) The power is within you by Louise HaY: Louise Hay writes the book with utter simplicity so as to make the book easily comprehendable. Through various examples and true stories she relates the power of affirmations. The essence of this book is "What you believe, you become". But my personal perspective is that affirmations alone are not enough to attain equanimity and peace of mind. Though affirmations can be used to supplement a core spiritual practice that involves some kind of meditation. On second thoughts, I realize that prayer is also a form of meditation and affiramations can fall in that category.

3) Talks with Sri Ramana Maharshi: A very powerful intellectual book that describes the conversations that the great being Sri Ramana Maharshi had with people who came to his Ashram during the early 1900's. Sri Ramana Maharshi is a proponent of 'Jnana Yoga'. The question "Who am I?" is fundamental to many of the conversations in the book. It takes a long time to go through the pages of the book since you can't just do a light reading. The recorded conversations make you think about your own identity during the process of reading.

Books to be read:

----------------------

1) The Tibetan book of the Dead.
2) The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
3) New Earth by Eckhart Tolle.
4) A rigorous study of upanishads. There are many sources on the web to get
materials on the upanishads. The vedanta and upanishads form a core part of Hindu Philosophy, which by the way has little to do with the rituals of the Hindu Religion, atleast at the surface. The basis for the rituals could ofcourse be argued to be found in the philosophy.

Rocking motion during meditation - resources

2008-05-13T19:49:00.000-07:00

During the past few months, I have meditated maybe 15 - 20 times. And during these 15 times, I have had 'involuntary' upper body rhythmic motions maybe 10 times. And believe me, I am not causing these motions. I tried to stop the motions, but they would begin again, involuntarily - So that told me that I was definitely not causing it.
Being curious as to what this "rocking motion" meant, I scoured the web for articles that explain the same. Most of the articles mention that this has something to do with the Kundalini Energy arising. Some say it's a natural thing that happens - The body makes some adjustments to the system during these motions - adjustments for the better.
Some say, it's about clearing energy pathways or chakras. So below I list a few articles that I think are relevant to this upper body involuntary movement stuff:

1) Kundalini Awakening
2) Spontaneous Movement
3) Odd rocking motion
4) Meditation
5) Raw foodie's story
6) Rocking?
7) Ecstatic Movement
8) Effects of meditation
9)More on tingling/crawling sensations

Here's what the book, 'Ask and it's given' by Esther and Jerry Hicks has to say about this(Pg 186):

"As you quiet your mind, you may feel a sense of physical detachment. For example,

you may feel no real difference between your toe and your nose. Sometimes you will feel the sensation of twitches and itches beneath your skin. And often, once you have released resistance and are soaring in your natural pure, high vibrations - you will feel an involuntary movement in your body. It may sway slightly from side to side or forward and backward, or your head may role gently from side to side. Any or all of these movements are indicators of your achievement of a state of meditation".

I think this upper body movement during meditation hardly affects my meditation. I am definitely intrigued by it, but keeping with the spirit of meditation, I just observe it as a phenomenon that's happening to me.

Chat on "Nothing Matters"

2008-05-13T14:29:00.001-07:00

My gtalk status for the past few weeks has been "Nothing matters". Curious, my friend (AM) had a lot of questions to ask and that turned into a wonderful conversation that I would like to share with the world. Here's the unedited transcript of that chat:

AM: hey man
me: hey wasup
AM: hey u r in whch univ?
me: univ of washington
seattle
AM: oh
i think thats a very good app
from what i heard
me: yeah it is..
AM :)
me: but good app doesn't necessarily mean good research or good experiences :(
AM: hmm
how come
good experiences
hey tell me abt ur status message
nothing matters
whats the funda
me: Its based in philosophy
Nothing matters is - No matter what situation comes in your life, no matter how depressing it is, it doesn't really matter - Because the essence of you is not the ego but beyond that
Hence your ego might be affected by good or bad experiences, but the real 'you' is not.
AM: right
what u r remains the same
lol
:)
me: No what you are keeps changing - always, but what you are is beyond what you think you are
AM: hmm
how come that
u mean to say ppl are greater than what they think they are
me: Much much greater
AM: great as in qualities
or abilities
me: everything.. great in every aspect
AM: hmm..
but they underperform miserably
all the time
me: That's because of their belief that they are not good
anil.marthi: hmm
miserable people
i'm sick of them
me: No even you are one of them.. I am also one of them... Everyone has beliefs that constricts them.. Some have fewer such beliefs, some have many such constricting beliefs
AM: no man
i dont have any such constricting beliefs
im not saying that im great though
me: Well.. your last statement is a constricting belief
You believe you are not great
AM: hey i believe im great
but im not telling u that
:)
me: He he.. think about this.. there is always room for improvement... alwaus
AM: right
me: And the improvement comes from changing your beliefs.. Hence constricting beliefs always exist
AM: hehe
how true
me: yeah.. don't believe in whatever I say.. see if it is the case..
AM: but then if u start thinking that how great we are, then our ego will boost
and self esteem too
and it cant easily tower other's self esteem
me: You can't just say I am great - you can't trick your mind - You have to also show yourself that you are great - Then your belief will become stronger
AM: true
yeah
still even if u r great
if you keep thinking u r great
it wont augur well with other ppl
u ll start having problems with me
abt how they shd treat you and all
me: You won't say to others I am great.. You will say you are as great as I am
AM: hmm
me: Everyone is great.. they just don't realize that.. so boasting will not help... but if by example you show to others that anyone is and can become great.. everyone will appreciate that
AM: hmm yes
hold
but if u tell someone that
you are as great as i am
some just dont like that
like putting pseude and all
its not good
also
thiking that im great im great
me: Yes if they have a very strong belief that they are just about average.. So they don't like that because their constricting belief is strong.. In such cases, you should be very gentle in how you talk to them
AM: yes man
ppl will knw that they are good man
but still dont want to show it off
how abt that?
me: Why are you worried about showing off.. That shows that you are worried about what people think.. Which shows that you have a belief that your image is dependent on what others think... :D
AM: no no
not like that
im talking abt practical point of view man
not abt worry what they think abt me
i ve experienced this practically
it is always good to be very down to earth
and maintain a significant class in your manners and actions

me: My point is not that you go around saying that everyone is great.. My point is your "belief" should be that everyone is great and you use that belief to guide your actions...
AM: yea
me: Another thing philosophy says is life is a game.. It doesn't matter whether you win or lose a cricket match right.. That's why it doesn't matter what happens in life.. Nothing matters
anil.marthi: haha true
but u wont feel good with tears na
me: Who is getting tears?
AM: anyone
arising out of actions
me: Ok say you?
or me?
AM: me
me: Ok let's say you
Who is that you who is getting tears
AM: its me man
what ever the eternal self is thr, let it be
me: You the body, you the mind, you the brain, which you?
AM: but i can experience the pain of tears right
me: Your ego does...
When "you" identify with the "ego", "you" experience pain.. When "you - the real you" don't identify, you don't
AM: hmm true
still man.. u can expect people to separate ego from self all the time
that way there is no materialism
me: That's why people do meditation.. They want to stop the chattering of the "mind" or the "ego"..What happens, when the ego stops, "you" still exist
AM: im saying u cant*
me: Which means you are not the ego..
Yeah the point of philosophy is that materialism is not everything.. Materialism is ego gratification, but spiritualism is "real" gratification
AM: yeah
u r right
again we ll be back to ancient ages
we ll all become saints
no need of moeny
information technology
me: No we will be technological saints..
:D
AM: thats even worse
me: No it is not.. I am not saying you should avoid technology.. Technology makes life easier.. But also understand that technology is not everything.. That's why I believe in spiritual materialism.. You don't have to go to himalayas.. You can do your work, have money and still be peaceful..
AM: hmm
me: I think we have discussed a lot of stuff man.. Don't believe anything of what I said.. Believe in it if you find it true for yourself... I also follow the same policy.. If there is something I wish to believe in, I see if it applies practically atleast to some extent...
AM: true
my TL recently indicated indirectly that i think im great
:)
me: It doesn't matter.. What matters is what you think.. People may shit about you.. but what do you think..
AM: hmm
actually ny body language itself indicates that i have very self esteem or that i'm great
my*
me: Hmm.. good..
But it doesn't matter even if I have a low self-esteem.. Nothing matters!
AM: haha
me: Everything is energy.. that's why nothing matters
:D
AM: :)
me: Ok man... nice discussion.. got to go.. if you are interested in philosophy or spirituality, there are tons of good books.. you might find them useful
AM: sure

Expectation and its effects

2008-05-09T15:29:00.000-07:00

The word 'expectation' is ubiquitous. The advisor has some expectations on the advisee.
The student has some expectations from the course she/he is taking. You might be expecting to land a job soon. The lover expects his lover to reciprocate his show of love. "We have high expectations of our employees", says the employer.
Let's say that you are expecting an important email. I have noticed many times, that when I expect an email, I sometimes don't get it, when I let go of that thought, and check my email, there it is sitting in the inbox, when I didn't expect it at all.

Expectation as far as I have come to realize is something that I can do without in life. Why? "Because it interferes with creation". We are creating every moment in our life. We are drawing our future landscape right here, right now through our thoughts, words, actions and our state of being. These four tools (thoughts, words, actions and beingness) are the tools of creation. What expectation does with this process is, it creates a sense of doubt in your creations. Why?
When you expect an email for instance, and you don't get it, there is an element of doubt that arises in your mind. Why is that person not sending an email. This 'doubt' is actually a 'thought' that interferes with your creation. Your creation is intended to bring you that email, but the expectation, which is just another thought, counteracts that creation unnecessarily because, well, thoughts are creative and hence expectation is also creative, only that the 'creation' of the expectation goes against your original creation because of the element of doubt.

Hence, it is always better not to have expectations on the behavior of any person or event in life. Then creations will always be as you intended, because, your intentions haven't been modified by the expectation.

Hence, masters, I believe, intend things and don't give a second thought to it. Because, they don't give a second thought, the first thought, which was their intention manifests without interference from successive thoughts (or expectations).

Meditation notes

2008-04-30T01:31:00.000-07:00

I previously tried to set up a meditation routine by trying out a 30 day meditation experiment.
During this period, I was having difficulty centering my mind. I would also have frequent headaches, I would feel very sleepy during the meditations, etc. So I had to stop the experiment after a week.
Recently, what's happening is that I do meditations spontaneously. Whenever I feel calm and relaxed, I just sit down and let go, and usually after 15 minutes, I get a little restless and then I open my eyes.
It's a paradox that meditation is supposed to calm your mind but to meditate effectively you need a calm mind to begin with.
So what's helping me is to do shavasana before meditation. Shavasana or corpse posture in yoga is well known technique for completely relaxing the body. Once your body is relaxed, you can observe your mind easily during meditation.

Fear and its ramifications - My thoughts

2008-04-18T17:28:00.000-07:00

Fear in my experience hasn't helped me at all. People who have used fear to manipulate me have given me the worst in life. I have come out of these experiences becoming fearless and with a new resolve to face fear boldly. The worst thing you can fear is death. I don't fear that - I don't fear anything. It's easy to make the previous statement but difficult to implement it in reality. You have to be clear in life - You are not going to live a fear-based life, your life is going to based on a lack of fear or better, love.
Fear is basically 'false evidence appearing real'. The false evidence is your wrong perception of what is true.

Notice instances of fear in your life - Fear of losing your love, fear of displeasing your boss, fear of being less competitive, fear of being less productive, fear of disease, fear of... The list goes on.

Stop right now and think for a moment how your life would change when in these situations you replace fear by fearlessness and courage. Think of the opportunities you are missing by cringing in fear. If you can't imagine how not fearing would help, try it out. Try courage and being bold the next time you face fear in some situation in life. Look fear eye to eye and it should vanish.

You might ask, all this is nice but what if I lose my job because I was fearless with my boss. Well, you lose your job, you find a new job where fear doesn't have a high place. Also if you are afraid of losing your job, you are still caught up in fear, you are still caught up in 'what-if' scenarios. Let go of fear, try it out in instances that may not have huge repercussions and then you can extend the confidence you gain from these situations in life to any situations.

Live without fear, live in the present, and enjoy life to the fullest, enjoy the uncertainity of life and you would truly have lived life.

Some spiritual attitudes

2008-03-28T17:54:00.000-07:00

Some spiritual attitudes that I have experienced or read in books so far

1) Be honest: There is nothing like being honest as far as possible. It clear things up, clears up unwanted feelings, clears the road ahead and makes life easier. This is something I have learnt in grad life so far.

2) Respect: Everyone deserves respect. I used to judge people based on their academic achievements and skills when I came here. This attitude has caused me more trouble than anything else. Again, everyone deserves respect no matter their standing, no matter their behavior, no matter their situation.

3) Acceptance: I had a lot of pre-concieved notions of how my life should be. These things are not too bad, it's like having a plan. Only thing, plans can fail. And you got to accept the situation calmly and without resentment or hatred or other negative feelings when things don't go your way. Acceptance of the "here and now" is a very powerful tool, since it can liberate you from worries, from the past misgivings and from future uncertainities. This quality is something that I have grown to appreciate through my experiences in grad school.

4) Giving in your best a.k.a living life to the fullest:
There is a saying my parents and uncle would oft repeat: "When you eat, you eat. When you play, you play. When you work, you work".
The import here is that you giving in your "full mind" in whatever it is that you are currently doing or being. Don't worry about the future as you work over that report. Don't feel guilty for some past action when you are having your food.
This attitude as all other spiritual attitudes "makes life simple".

So doesn't matter how screwed up your life is, doesn't matter if you have been down the shit hole, doesn't matter if things can't get worser (by the way, they always can) - all you got to focus on is "now", "the now", "THE NOW". What are you doing now?
What are you being now?
What do you wish to do now?
Math analogy:
This is similar to the "memoryless property" of the exponential distribution which you encounter in probability.
Usually inter-arrival times of buses at bus-stops are assumed to follow an exponential distribution.
What this means is, it doesn't matter how long you have been waiting at the bus-stop, the probability that the next bus is going to arrive within 5 minutes is always the same!

So give in your best in whatever you do, give in your full mind to whatever task you are working on and that my friend, is "the way to live life to the fullest".

Work hard but do not have expectations on the results is another way of interpreting "acceptance". See my previous post on "Perfection" to know why we should accept the "here and now".
The previous post is basically a summary of the teachings in the "Conversation with God" books written by Neale Donald Walsch.

5)Relax
Is relaxation a spiritual attitude? Relaxation is a by-product of following the above four-attitudes. But if for some reason, you are stuck in life due to circumstance, then relax! There are powerful relaxation techniques available that calm you down from any possible situation you could imagine yourself in.This is a good webpage to know more about a relaxation technique.

My purpose of writing this blog is to truthfully record my spiritual learnings learnt from experiences and also from books so as to serve as a reference for me for the future and also to inspire the readers to get into the act of introspecting their lives and attitudes with the aim of spiritual growth.
A few books I recommend (and have read myself) to get started into spirituality:

1) Conversations with God series by Neale Donald Walsch - Includes Book 1, Book 2, Book 3, Friendship with God, Home with God, Communion with God, etc.

I have read other books in bits and pieces: Eckhart Tolle's "The power of Now", Gary Zukav's "Soul stories", etc.

This is a very revealing video that I came across thanks to Erin Pavalina.

Interpreting "Things are perfect as they are"

2008-03-25T22:22:00.000-07:00

You must have heard of the saying oft repeated: "Things are perfect as they are. Situations are perfect as they are".

The basis for these statements is founded in spirituality and philosophy and I give two interpretations of the "perfect" statement:

1) Who am I?
The first interpretation is based on the definition of the self. Who is the real 'self'. New age spirituality and old age philosophy says that "you are verily the supreme spirit - The Tao, the Brahman, the Atman, The holy spirit, The father, The God, etc". According to this adage, you are no longer limited to the "Ego" or the self that we think we are. In that case, since you are unlimited in nature, the events or occurences in the real world have no bearing on your identity and hence you are "very ok" with any event or outcome that occurs. You are very ok with people's behaviors simply because you don't have any expectation on them and that is again because your sense of identity is independent of their behaviors: You are not insulted by them because 'you' are not 'you the ego', but you are 'you the infinite - you that cannot be tainted or insulted'.

2) Creation philosophy
The creation spirituality has that:
Creation occurs at three levels: Thought, word and deed. There is also another level, the level of being.
According to the creation philosophy, most of whatever we experience in life is due to our creating that experience through thoughts, words or actions.
Since we have created our experience beforehand, the experience should itself be perfect. If it is not perfect, then
we may have mistakenly intended or called forth another experience than we wished to.
Even in this case, since we are the creators of our experience, we can always "recreate" to create a new experience that we like or wish for.
But the problem with the creation argument is that the creation happens at three levels: sub-conscious or the unconscious, conscious and the super-conscious levels.
And people are not usually aware of what they are creating at the super-conscious level or the sub-conscious level. So they create at the conscious level and they assume that things will turn out the way they should. They do except when they conflict with what they are creating at the super-conscious level.

So in both the cases discussed above, things are indeed perfect as they are and as we experience them. In the second case, we may not be aware that we are creating at the super-conscious level. In the first case, we are not aware that we are the "supreme spirit".
But "believing" in the philosophy of "Thou art God" or "We are creative beings" and understanding what that means is sufficient for us to "act as if" things are perfect.

These philosophies give us a basis and act as an incentive for us to practice "perfection" or the adage that "Experiences, events, people's behaviors" are perfect as they are.

When you know that things are perfect, you don't have expectations on the result and hence the saying: "Work towards your goal but do not expect the results to turn out as you expect. That is to say don't have expectations".
When you don't have expectations in life, you "accept" with joy and love and peace, what you get. Isn't this a beautiful way of living life? Indeed this way of living life is a path to mastery - mastery of the self and experiencing who you really are (refer to 1)).

30 day Meditation experiment day 9

2008-02-06T16:20:00.001-08:00

2/6/2008

During weekdays, especially when I have classes in the morning like today, its difficult to plan for meditation in the morning. For me mornings are like, I wake up half hour before I catch my bus and have just enough time to shower and brush.
I have 1hr pockets of free time spread out during the day.So today I was flexible about where I meditate. I headed out to the library, found a nice secluded spot and meditated while sitting on the chair.

Duration: I timed my stop watch for 30 minutes, but I felt intensely sleepy after 15 minutes. So I had to cut short my meditation at that point.

Sleep: I managed 5.5 hrs of continuous sleep yesterday with a total duration of 8 hrs (I woke up and slept again).

Miscellaneous:I should mention that I am using a very powerful relaxation technique before I go to sleep every night. It's based on a yoga-asana called "shavasana" or corpse posture.
As can be inferred from the name, in this technique the body becomes completely limp like a corpse and you feel very relaxed since most of the muscles are relaxed.
Note that in shavasana, you can be much more relaxed than when you sleep because in sleep the body changes position quite often leaving pockets of tension in the body at any given time, while in shavasana, you consciously ensure that you have relaxed every or almost every part of your body. Also, there is a total lack of noticeable movement in the body (except for maybe the blinking of the eye) while you are into shavasana.

You can know more about this relaxation technique here. Trust me, it's easy to do and gives you a deep sense of relaxation. Ideally done half-hour before you go to sleep or when you need to take a stress-release break.

30 day Meditation experiment day 8

2008-02-06T16:16:00.000-08:00

2/5/2008

Duration: 5 minutes. Basically I was tired at the end of the day and hence fell really sleepy after 5 minutes into the meditation. So I had to shift from a lotus position to lying down on the floor till I was refreshed again.
It seems like the best time to have an enjoyable meditation session is right after I wake up or sometime in the morning.

30 day Meditation experiment day 7

2008-02-04T16:27:00.000-08:00

2/4/2008

Today's session was like a long run. Long run in distance running is a training run where you run longer than usual but take it easy on the pace. (Ofcourse there's no real equivalent to pace in meditation. A close equivalent would be slowing down of the sense of time and being in the now. ;))

Duration: I set my stopwatch for 29 minutes. But after it beeped, I felt like going for another 15 minutes. Only problem was that my right leg was becoming numb in the half-lotus position I was sitting in.
I continued for another 8 minutes before I thought I was done for today.

The first 15 minutes or so, I was trying to come to terms with a few things and hence I wasn't exactly slowing down my mind. But in the latter half, my mind settled down and it was kind of peaceful till the end.

I really am looking forward to my meditation sessions these days. Partly because I find that my meditation sessions are getting better in quality and also because I have come so far (7 days) without a break. If there is one thing I have had a problem with in life, it's consistency. Consistency in work or hobbies (running), etc. But 7 days equals a week and that's good unless it's not(this idiom is borrowed from one of the many books by Neale Donald Walsch titled "Conversations with God" - A really interesting, intellectual and practical book series, but this would be for another blog post).

Meanwhile, I came across a nice blog that guides you in a very intuitive, straightforward and pedagogical way onto what meditation means, its significance and its practice and benefits.

30 day Meditation experiment day 6

2008-02-03T22:19:00.001-08:00

2/3/2008

Summary: I didn't have a great meditative experience today.

Duration: I did meditation for 22 minutes after bath following suit on yesterday's meditation.

The first 10 minutes felt decent, I mean there were a few thoughts doing the rounds in my mind but it was as peaceful as yesterday. My upper body started rocking back and forth like yesterday but it wasn't as intense and frequent as yesterday. The last 10 minutes of the meditation, my thoughts were going places. So I decided to cut short the meditation at around 22 minutes though I had timed my stopwatch for 25 minutes.
Everyday brings a different meditative experience like life.

I did the meditation in the morning. In the evening, I went out for a 1 mile run that lasted 8.5 minutes. I have to see how these two practices (running and meditation) can be kept up simultaneously and regulary. Regular is a key word here, since any practice would be most beneficial when done in regular intervals.

Diet
I had bread and jam for breakfast, fruits and cookies for lunch!, and some mixed vegetable rice (spicy(note - spicy doesn't necessarily mean hot, some of you Americans have got it all wrong) and tasty food) for dinner. I would probably have some cereals for supper. I guess I have to improve on my diet, especially the breakfast.

Sleep: Yesterday I managed 3 hrs of continuous sleep and then I woke up every 1.5 hrs till I got up after 8 hrs of sleep. Sleeping has been a problem for me since the last 2 months and that's one thing that should change with this experiment.

30 day Meditation experiment day 5

2008-02-02T13:26:00.000-08:00

2/2/2008

Interesting experience: If yesterday and day-before-yesterday, I experienced waves of sleep hitting me, today it was waves of upper body movement during meditation!!!

Deatiled report: I began meditating right after having a bath in the morning, i.e. between 1:05 pm and 1:27pm. Today was a much better experience in terms of mental peace than the last 4 days. That is not to say that I would expect it to be the same or better for the rest of this trial. I have stated this before, I state it again: "It is important not to have any expectations on your meditation. Receive humbly whatever you get.". I didn't feel any kind of sleepiness during the meditation today. Infact, I felt very relaxed, alive and peaceful and it felt good that I smiled as I meditated.
Posture: I was in the lotus posture with my hands in "Chin Mudra (index finger touching the tip of the thumb and other fingers straight)".

During the last few minutes of the meditation, my upper body and head started rocking gently back and forth. The rocking motion was involuntary and I wasn't contributing anything to it. The rocking motion subsided for a minute but increased in frequency during the last few minutes. Infact, it was reaching its peak as my stop-watch started beeping (I set the alarm for 23 minutes after I began meditating).
Even after I opened my eyes, my upper body was still rocking back and forth a bit.
I banished all fear of this strange experience and would have continued with the meditation if not for the stop watch!
Other points: I began the meditation with a prayer and terminated it with a prayer. The prayer is to the universal spirit for a smooth meditation experience and for the peace of the world.

30 day Meditation experiment day 4

2008-02-01T19:12:00.000-08:00

2/1/2008

Today I came across a few excellent articles on meditation. It's a great pleasure to know that there are articles that address the difficulties I am facing during meditation - feeling sleepy halfway, mind not calming down, etc.
Anyway, here are the articles: Meditation FAQ,
Meditation II

Today's Time: 6:20 pm - 6:40 pm

I felt sleepy after 10 minutes. Waves of sleep hit me as I meditated. Imagine, waves at a beach hitting your legs as you stand in the sand. It disturbs your stability right, it literally rocks your frame. That's what happens when the waves of sleep hit me. I just rock back and forth in the action of resisting sleep. During the 20 minutes on the whole, the mental activity slowed down a bit, but not too much. It's important not to have expectations during meditation because
expectations ----> Thoughts related to the expectation --------> Increased mental activity.

After meditation, I did some Pranayama (Anuloma/viloma - Breathing in and out) and then got up. This seems similar to warming down/cooling down after running (I am a runner remember, so running analogies r there).

After I got up from my half-lotus posture to sit on my desk, I suddenly noticed that my back was straighter than before and it felt good. So here's an immediate benefit:
Meditation sets your posture right while sitting in a chair.

I am signing off here today and looking forward to tomorrow's meditation.

30 day Meditation experiment day 3

2008-02-01T19:07:00.000-08:00

1/31/2008

Today I meditated from 8:00 to 8:10 pm. I had to catch a bus to go the department in 10 minutes so I cut the meditation short. I wasn't having the waves of sleepiness I had yesterday, but I felt rested during the last 5 minutes. It's too early to decide the effects of meditation at this stage.
I am a beginner in meditation but I have had tried unsuccessfully to establish a meditation routine before.
This is the main reason why I am blogging my meditation experience: So that I keep up my practice under the public eye :D

Let's see how tomorrow goes. Btw, I am also a runner, I haven't run in a week, so I have to see if I can run this weekend. I don't think running will take time away from meditation as I can always meditate before I wish to sleep and generally that will make me sleepier and hence I can easily fall asleep.

30 day Meditation experiment day 2

2008-01-30T18:48:00.000-08:00

Date: 1/30/2008

Method: Today I was too impatient with the auto-suggestive relaxation technique and went ahead with observation meditation at 5:30 pm. Five minutes in, I was feeling very very sleepy, it was like every 15 seconds a wave of sleep was hitting me. After a minute of the sleep waves, I just laid down on the ground. I relaxed deeply and observed my mind and the thoughts for about 20 minutes (its easier to lie down and meditate than sit down and meditate since sitting down you got to keep your position erect). It felt good at the end and strangely I didn't catch any sleep though I felt very passive and sedentary.

Sleep: Yesterday I slept for 6.5 hrs though I intended to sleep only for 5 hrs since I had an assignment due today. The quality of sleep wasn't any different - Many dreams in the sleep.
I generally sleep between 1 am to 8 am.

Diet: I have been on the same diet for the past two weeks: Bread and jam morning, veggie delite sub from subway for lunch, a litre of juice in the evening with some bananas and cereals/chappatis during the night.

30 day Meditation experiment day 1

2008-01-29T21:32:00.000-08:00

Date: 1/29/2008

Today is the first day of meditation.

Method: I did auto-suggestive relaxation of my body to quieten my body and consequently the mind. Having done that I observed my thoughts silently for around 5 minutes.

9:06pm - 9:16pm (10 minutes) - Autosuggestive relaxation
9:16pm - 9:22pm (6 minutes) - Observation meditation.

Noticeable effects: Well today is the first day, so nothing to document yet.
But I did feel much more relaxed midway through the auto-suggestive relaxation. But after that, the mental activity was the same through the end of the meditation period.

30 day Meditation experiment

2008-01-29T21:23:00.000-08:00

In this blog series, I will document the effects (mostly qualitative) of a meditation experiment on my physical and mental well-being. I will also document the duration and quality of sleep on each day.

The meditation technique I am using consists of two parts:

a) Auto-suggestive relaxation : This is a relaxation technique where one relaxes every organ of the body by mentally focusing on the organs of the body and relaxing them. One needs to try this technique out to understand how it works.
b) Observation meditation: In this meditation, no mantra is used, actually nothing needs to be done. All I do is observe my thoughts non-judgementally and accept them irrespective of how good or bad they seem. I also don't participate with the thoughts. I just act as external observer.

Posture: I usually sit in padmasana (lotus posture) with spine erect. I sit on the ground on top of a folded sleeping bag.

Duration: For this experiment I will start with a duration of around 15 minutes and go upto 30 - 45 minutes by the end of 30 days. The duration for most part on any given day would depend on how long I am comfortable with the meditation. This duration, I have noticed, increases as one meditates regularly.

Time: I am a graduate student with loaded course work, so right now I am flexible with when I meditate. But if possible, I would like to do it at a particular time during the day, preferrably after waking up in the morning.

Miscellaneous:
I am also a runner, so that is already a beneficial thing as far as physical/mental well-being is concerned. Ideally, meditation effects are studied by having a placebo group and a treatment group with similar characterisitcs. In this case, the sample size is 1, that is me!!

Diet: I am a vegetarian and include a lot of fruits, vegetables and bread in my diet.

Last but not the least,

Why Meditation?
For me life in the recent 1.5 years has been a total roller coaster. As mentioned in my 'about me', I am a Phd student in Transportation Engineering and I came to the US in 2006 with great expectations (not the book :D). I was really into research the last 6 months before coming here and I expected my research in a US university to match up equally to what I had done in India. Sadly, my expectations were dashed since I landed an inexperienced advisor with whom I didn't have great relations from the beginning. I was bossed around ocassionally and didn't like it (ofcourse the university is a really great resource in terms of books and people, just that having an amicable relationship with your advisor goes a long way towards productive research). Unfortunately I didn't think rationally about my other options. During this ensuing period which has lasted 1 year, I have had a lot of depressive periods and lots of experiences, so much so that I am no longer the person I was 1.5 years back. Back then I had a lot of expectations of the world, but now I am learning and possibly relearning the truth, "Having no expectations on people's behavior or life in general" would lead to very enjoyable or atleast more peaceful life. There's another truth that I am comprehending currently, "Nothing matters". That's right. The second truth follows from the first truth. When you have no expectations on people or events, you are ready to accept whatever life brings you, and hence nothing matters.

All this history is great you say, but why meditation specifically? Well, I have
learnt meditation in India during a spiritual workshop not unlike the many workshops that happen in US on a regular basis. The workshop was expensive but it gave me many important relaxation and spiritual exploration tools: a) Pranayama (breathing techniques) b) Different meditation techniques.
I am using one of these meditative techniques in my meditation experiment.
And these meditation techniques are purported to bring about a much needed balance to people(I am one of those people) who take a lot of stress. And I am not just stating this as an axiom, that's one of the purposes of this blog series isn't it: To answer the following questions:

a)Do these meditation techniques actually enhance the quality of life (we are not talking about material riches here although that could be considered a side-effect or side-benefit) - physically, intellectually, mentally and spiritually? Now what do we mean by spiritually here - Spirituality has to do with discovering one's true self and it is said that becoming more spiritual is consistent with an enhanced quality of life - an equanimous state of mind or reduction in mental noise, which is a product of the wandering and untamed mind, clarity in thinking and decision making, etc - You can put all the benefits of personal development into this category.
b) What experiences come about through meditation(Read here to know about my upper body movement experience during meditation) ?
c) How does the quality of sleep change with meditation? The last 2 months I haven't had a single night were I could say I slept deeply and soundly. Hopefully, this should change through this experiment.
d) How do the different meditation techniques compare with each other in their effectiveness? The current meditation technique I am using for the experiment is the "Observation Meditation Technique" described above.
Other meditation techniques I learnt at the workshop in India are:

Gap meditation:
In this technique one observes the gaps between thoughts and tries to increase the gap. So if I observe that on an average a thought pings my mind every second, I try to reduce this frequency or in other words, I increase the duration of the gap between thoughts and in effect aim towards a mental state with very few thoughts.

Ana pana sathi or observing your breath
This meditation technique is very popular among beginners in meditation. All one has to do in this technique is to observe the movement of breath. As the air moves in and out of your nostrils, you observe its flow and forget about the mind and its wanderings for the time being. The theory here is that, every state of mind has a corresponding state of breath. For instance: When you are angry or frustrated, notice your breath; you would be breathing in short, quick bursts. On the other hand, when you are really relaxed and peaceful, you would be breathing in deep and slow.

So I guess I have given enough background into the significance of this experiment atleast for myself (and hopefully for you guys too); now with the grace of the supreme being(Brahman, Tao, chi, or any personal diety) I hope this experiment turns out to be a personal success and of benefit to the readers of this blog.

First impressions - "Spontaneous healing"

2007-12-28T22:06:00.000-08:00

First impressions hereon will be a blog that would give my first impressions on any book I am reading/have read.

I came across the book "Spontaneous Healing" at Twice sold Tales, a second hand bookshop in Seattle. The first three chapters were gripping and discussed the importance of belief and faith in healing.
The book describes the author's journey for alternative medicinal practices that serve to treat the root cause of a disease rather than the sometimes superficial symptoms shown by a patient.
A wonderful account of the healings through "Osteopathy" is described. The medicinal benefits of herbal plants such as Gingko Bilaba and Bloody root are also given through many testimonials. The author mentions that testimonials are usually dismissed by the so-called modern allopathists because endorsing them could get them into trouble. But the author takes pains to explain that his exploration of the truth behind these testimonials have helped many of his patients (For instance, Bloody root being very helpful for benign/malignant moles that develop on skins).
Most of the case-studies presented are spontaneous remissions in cancer affected patients. This is something also discussed by Deepak Chopra in his book "Quantum Healing". Review of this book in a later blog.
The theme in both these books is that there are many cancer cases that are dismissed by doctors as untreatable, that is the cancer has become so deep-rooted in the organs of the patient's body that nothing short of a miracle can heal the patient. The books go onto say that when these miracles do happen, doctors dismiss them as rare cases. The two books emphasize that these so-called miraculous cases need to be investigated thoroughly because modern allopathic medicine fails to include one important component that is the basis of many alternative medicinal systems - Faith and belief of the patient in a cure and the body's ability to heal itself.

Talks with Sri Ramana Maharshi

2007-11-29T21:41:00.000-08:00

I read this book partially back in college. Heavy with philosophy but great with insights.
Got this book again now. Gonna read it over the next 3-4 months and see how the experience is.

Lessons learnt over the past one year

2007-10-20T03:00:00.001-07:00

I have been a graduate student for around one year. I have learnt a lot of lessons over the past one year, that I wish to document some place and this is that right place:)
The lessons I have learnt are both academic and personal in nature. The lessons learnt are as much about success in life as much about happiness in life. [Note the two are not necessarily correlated].

1) I came here with a great motivation. I wished to do a phd in 3 years, make a mark in the academic community, and ofcourse publish a lot of papers.
2) While I had the desire to work at the level required to attain the goal mentioned in the previous point, I didn't have the perseverance required to do the same. You got to be able to go everyday to the lab and plug in 8 hrs and hope that you get atleast 4 hrs worth of work done. This is something I had to learn the hard way. I was used to work in the bursts, and the bursts occuring as the deadlines approached closeby.
3) I had learnt that research is what you wish to do. Its not what your advisor directs you to do and you just execute the same. No, its more of a process of becoming an independent researcher, needing minimal guidance from your advisor. Its a process where you become more confident in your committment to work, perseverance, dedication to work and skills in time management. Yep, time-management would sum it all up. Drawing up 3-4 goals for the day and executing as many of them as possible is the way.
4) Your advisor is your biggest asset while you are in graduate school. Make sure you are in good, nay really good terms with the advisor, even if you don't think that's required. The academic community is a small world, my dear, and realationships matter here more than in the real world(read: jobs, personal life, etc).
5) When in doubt, be honest and when in doubt again, be nice to people. Being nice is the first thing people expect from you and its easier to get around with that attitude.
6) Honesty is the best policy is something I learnt while I was a kid in school. I am relearning the same through my experiences in life.
7) There are several aspects to our personality: The physical, intellectual, mental, psychological, emotional, etc. It is not good at all to neglect any one part of your personality. When you are hitting rock bottom, your way out is made easier if the aspects of your personality are well balanced. Infact, you wouldn't hit rock bottom unless there is an imbalance in your personality.
8) Be modest. It doesn't matter who you are or where you come from. Every single human being, however wretched or however great deserves the same amount of respect and that includes yourself too.
9) Work hard. There is nothing like hard work to get you out of a 'seemingly murky' situation.
10) State of mind: Your state of mind should be equanimous, especially when things are not going well for you. It removes the perception of negativity from the so called 'bad experiences'.
11) Meditate: Take time to meditate everyday, bring a sense of steadiness to your life.

Right now..

2007-09-11T17:26:00.000-07:00

If happiness is afterall a state of mind, be happy.. Right now.

Dream - I: Arousal

2007-09-10T16:31:00.000-07:00

I will try and record my dreams in this blog since it might help me review them later on.

Dreams for me, have been mostly in B&W, with a few notable exceptions lately - Colour and the one I remember vividly is greenery, green grass which seemed as real as in life. Dreams in my experience are mostly a projection of my frustrations and angst or things that have been occupying my mind during the time I have those dreams.
But of late, and in particular, yesterday, I had a dream that had an amazing climax..or just shy of a climax.

I was in my hostel at IITM in a friend's room and since I am in recollection mode right now, I hardly remember what I was doing there. But a while later I was down and that's where I noticed the surrounding greenery and I was pleased with the colour in the dream. Later on, I was among a group of people who were hanging around the hostel and doing some vague stuff.
Dreams are hard to recollect as you can see from my description. A girl who was with me accompanied me back to my friends room(why not my room? dreams have not much logic), but this time it was only me and this girl.
And wonders of wonders, she sported a bikini. I only got to look at her butt and her long slender legs, but that was enough to have me completely aroused in the dream and I was rushing to my friends room and I even remember asking her if she could indulge in some sex, and wierdly and ofcourse shockingly to me, she consented with a smile. I hurriedly tried unlocking the friends room and during those tense moments, I woke up excited and the arousal stayed with me for quite sometime.
Frequent dreams like these and I wouldn't mind sleeping often!

Equanimous state of mind - I

2007-08-18T20:29:00.000-07:00

Let me ask you, what if a man were to attain a state of mind that is independent of external events. Even if the world is wallowing in the sorrow of say a famine or drought or earthquake, even if his own professional life were to be screwed up, even if his personal life were to be screwed up.. The man has the same state of mind, a state of mind that can be best described as equanimous.

Wouldn't the man be happy and peaceful, all the time?

On thinking - Part I

2006-12-24T09:36:00.000-08:00

The text that follows is probably not really coherent. One reason for this might be due to the very topic chosen and the other reason being yours truly writing on the same. I really like what Neils Bohr has to say on this: 'Never express yourself more clearly than you can think'. Having said that, I want to be able to put my thoughts some place easily accessible so that I can work on them later on. Views, critiques and comments are welcome.

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The focus of this blog is on: How much of what we call thinking is a mere rearrangement of prejudices and how much is sheer logic. And by the way, what is thinking?

The word think, I think, is taken for granted, so much so that when we say, "I don't think that's a good idea", for instance, we are merely communicating the prejudice we already have about that idea (for example: drunken driving is not a good idea..there is no thinking here) unless ofcourse, we pause for a while..really think and give that reply. You could also pause to recall what your prejudice is, but that would not qualify as thinking or would it?

Look at the number of definitions given by the dictionary for the word think.

One of the definitions given is: to have a conscious mind, to some extent of reasoning, remembering experiences, making rational decisions, etc.

Some key words in these definitions are: conscious mind, rational analysis and recall.

These words are by themselves a bit ambiguous. For example what do I mean by conscious mind? Atleast, when I am awake, I am aware of a mind that does my thinking. Now, I can go one step further and say, who is that 'I' in "I am aware of a mind that does my thinking"? Is that I different from the mind. As in if you say I am aware of my mind, you are larger than the mind right, only then can you look at it as a whole. Now, a great many people are skeptical of the 'I' analysis, they have labelled it philosophy and rightly so.

But I can't proceed even a nano meter further, if I am not clear about what 'conscious mind' means. At this point, we give up and make an abstraction of the term 'conscious thinking' and leave it at that. This gives me an idea that thinking is fundamentally related to what assumptions we make on the meaning of words so as to understand the world. This may seem obvious, since the world we see is mostly described through words and if we are not clear on the meaning of these words, but anyway make descriptions, our model is fundamentally flawed. And the assumptions we make on the meaning of words gives us a coloured, prejudiced view of the world unless the prejudices are proved to be indeed true. And these assumptions are also the building blocks for another word: perspective
Since, thinking seems to change or refine the assumptions we make about the meaning of words, thinking therefore has to do with broadening of our perspective or the model used to view the world.
Contd...

Of values, string theory and Brahman

2006-05-20T08:42:00.000-07:00

Values in general are passed down from generation to generation. The generation wars start when the values are not fully accepted by the younger generation provoking the older generation to make comments like: ' how they used to more obedient to their parents, etc and how the current generation doesn't even listen to their parents, less take the advice.' Anyway, there is a wide gap between the values of the previous generation and the current one. I am being vague on the terms 'previous' and 'current', but you could say 20 years back and now. The reason for this gap, I believe is the progress in science has sort of made a mockery of the religious values and ritiuals. The younger generation wants a scientific reason for following the values/rituals, while the older generation say that these values have been passed down from years, nay eons ago and that they always work well for them. The younger ones as usual cannot simply believe , they want a reason, a logic system, a scientific ground for these values so that they can see for themselves that it indeed works well as their parents/elders say. But fortunately, science has come a full circle with the growth of the revolutionary 'super string theory' which to layman can be explained as: all matter and every thing in the universe is made up of strings of energy. These strings are in a state of continuous vibration and the frequency of their vibrations decides the characteristics of the matter.

This theory currently cannot be proved because the strings are of a very small magnitude(orders of 10^ -33) and can be seen only during the process of creation(of universe),
when enormous amounts of energy is produced.

Anyway, this theory has a common thread with hindu philospohy, where brahman is explained in detail. This brahman(similar to tao, chi, etc) is the source of everything in the universe, it is not only the source, it is also the creative force that manifests itself in the universe, so that we see the things the way they are. A parallel can now be drawn between the 'strings of vibrating energy' and 'brahman' which is also energy albeit of infinte magnitude.

Attempts are being made to gain hopes that string theory could atleast faintly be validated through what are known as atom smashers, one located in us and another in france.
Till then, both the string theorists and hindu philosophers will be true believers.

Introduction

2006-03-21T08:39:00.000-08:00

Philosophy is a subject that can be both intriguing and simple at different times. It's intriguing when some concept or a riddle doesn't make sense, and it's simple when it does. Hence, there are a lot of such concepts which are intriguing at one time, that is before it's explored and which get clarified when sufficient thought has been exercised in an attempt to unravel the paradigm.

Philosophy as I see, is a riddle that takes time, a lot of time to solve, maybe even a life time or more. It is a riddle that keeps increasing in its complexity as one starts fitting the pieces of the puzzle. From a purely intellectual stand point, philosophy is of great appeal since it involves logic which comprises deduction and induction.

When the whole of world is trying to seek knowledge about the outside, the external, the universe in a broad sense; philosophy turns its enquiry inwards, towards the self, the being of the body, towards that entity that is the true identity of man.

This blog is an attempt at intellectually understanding the process of unravellment of the true identity.